Sunday Photos: cute, with a side of cute

Real post with words and semi-coherent thoughts below.

100 things

I have about five posts swimming around in my head right now: a post about being thankful; a post about my tiny boy being two months old; a post about my love of pie and a post about how I nearly killed a Best Buy employee today. None of which will probably get written. The problem is time. This is Thanksgiving weekend people. I have a houseful of people. My house is full of laughter, games, Wii competitiveness, shrieking little girls and food. Loads of food. We are a bit overstocked on food. We made an extra turkey, because my husband won one. It's Friday though and I'm already tired of turkey. Next weekend my baby girl is going to be seven years old and I've only half planned her party. We won't even discuss Christmas, because I'm likely to cry if I think of how much I have to do.

Moving on...

I used to have a blog before this blog. A lot of you knew me then, some of you didn't. Maybe you know that I used to blog and maybe you don't. For those who had no idea, I blogged for about a year and a half. Then I disappeared for about eighteen months and now I'm at my 100th post. Again. I sort of wish I'd saved that post, but I didn't keep much. Mostly the things I kept were letters written to my girls.

I know it's tradition to write 100 things about yourself for your 100th post. Everyone does it, it's the new black or whatever. But I'm not sure I can come up with 100 choice items about myself. Unless I start talking about my love of sour jelly beans, which I doubt you want to hear about.

Basically I'm going to be a thief. Insta-Mom stole an idea from AnyMommy. The 10 x 10 post; 10 lists of 10 things. Really it's a great idea. I'm glad I read these lovely women, so I can steal all of their great ideas. So, here I go....10x10, 100 things about me.

10 things I am grateful for this Thanksgiving:
1. My son. I knew I'd love him as much as his sisters, I learned this the second time around. I knew he'd change our family forever in amazing ways. But I didn't know that I'd adore him as much as I do. That I'd want to stay home with him. For him.
2. My girls. They are amazing and creative and the sweetest little people.
3. My husband.
4. My family being able to come together and have a great time.
5. A drama free Thanksgiving.
6. That we had a table full of tasty ass food.
7. Our new president.
8. That we didn't have a blizzard this weekend, which would have made it hard for people to get here. (Of course I started writing this about four hours ago. We now have at least 6 inches already.)
9. My warm toasty house and my warm toasty sheets on my bed. (did I mention the snow?)
10. For all of you. For those of you who comment, those of you who don't and those of you who I consider true friends.

10 things about my children:
1. Harrison is a talker. He talks to us all day long. He also smiles and giggles. I've enclosed proof at the bottom of this post.
2. Harrison is in 3-6 month clothes already. There is a poll on how much he weighs. My guess is 14 pounds, 2 ounces. He is only two months and is heavier than either of the girls were at six months. He's a chunky Buddha baby.
3. Morgan steals my cell phone, goes in the closet and calls family. Just to talk.
4. She too is a talker. If she'd ask, I'd gladly give it to her to do this. But I find it funny that she steals it, calls and then returns it. I hear about it later.
5. Morgan loves complete darkness when she sleeps. Bailey loves three night lights when she sleeps.
6. They share a room.
7. Morgan's bed has sheets around it, like a tent in the jungle.
8. Bailey is the best Wii bowler in this house. That is sad, considering she is only four.
9. All three of my kids are the loves of my life.
10. Although all three of them seriously could be replaced with those sleeping in kids that you hear about and I'd be thrilled.

10 things you might not have known about me:
1. I have Strabismis, which is lazy eye, in both eyes. The docs are not sure why my eyes focus together at all. Right now, because I am so tired, I am only using the left one. I cannot wear contacts, they make me want to gouge my eyes out with chopsticks or sporks.
2. I hate shoes and socks, but I love to buy both shoes and socks.
3. I am a speed reader. Which is good, considering my attention span these days, is 2.5 posts.
4. I say I am a horrible cook, but I'm really not. I can follow any direction. My thing though, is I want to be able to cook by memory and just throw ingredients in. That too me is a true cook.
5. I am named after two great-grandmas.
6. I have a love of names. I would love to write a book about names. If I cold figure out how to do it, I'd come up with a way to name babies for people. Some people seriously could use help with this.
7. I love to people watch and make up stories about the people I see.
8. I spend hours of my day trying to eat the cheeks of my babies.
9. I am scared to fly, although I will do it. But I'd rather drive two days, with my children, than get on a plane.
10. I cheat at Monopoly, but I've never cheated on anything else in my life.

My 10, all time favorite movies: (These are not in order. I'd be hard pressed to do that.)
1. Mary Poppins
2. While You Were Sleeping
3. The Grinch (Not the Jim Carey one.)
4. Willy Wonka
5. Beetle Juice
6. Michael
7. Indian Summer
8. Ocean's Eleven
9. 13 Going on 30
10. Empire Records

10 things that occupy my time, besides my chillins and my man:
1. Um hai, blogging
2. Twitter
3. Checking my email
4. Chatting with Kim
5. Reading
6. Photographing my children
7. Sudoku
8. Watching NCIS
9. Going through, sorting, scanning old photos
10. Trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life

10 things that made me fall for said man:
1. His smile
2. His ass (he made me say that)
3. His love and sweetness with his baby sister
4. The way he could crack the whole room up with a well timed joke
5. The fact that he thought before he spoke, so he was generally very thoughtful
6. His kindness and giving nature
7. The care and time he spent on his mother, grandmother and family
8. The fact that I could beat him at air hockey
9. That he was better than me at everything except air hockey and surfing
10. That he never cared that I was better than him at air hockey and surfing

10 places I want to see/do before I die:
1. Sydney, Australia
2. Walk the Golden Gate Bridge
3. Spend two weeks on a house boat in Lake Mead
4. Spend a month in a Tuscan Villa
5. Go to Greece with my mom
6. Spend a month on an island with just my husband
7. Go to the Summer Olympics
8. China
9. Ski in Switzerland
10. Find out where my dad's family was from in Poland and travel there.

The 10 songs that I am currently playing over and over again:
1. Days Like This by Van Morrison
2. Have a Little Faith in Me by John Hiatt
3. Where I'm From by John Michael Carroll
4. Lost by Michael Buble
5. Already Gone by Sugarland
6. It Won't be Like This For Long by Darius Rucker
7. Roll With Me by Montgomery Gentry
8. Piano Man by Billy Joel
9. Stay Down by Mary J. Blige
10. Here by Derek Sholl

My 10 favorite books off all time:
1. A Wrinkle in Time
2. All Harry Potter books
3. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
4. Fried Green Tomatoes
5. In the Time of the Butterflies
6. Their Eyes Were Watching God
7. Twelfth Night
8. To Kill a Mockingbird
9. The Lorax
10. The Giver

10 ways that I am probably a parenting oxymoron:
1. All three of my children were (are) only bottle fed. But I find breastfeeding to be a beautiful thing.
2. I swore no child of mine would ever sleep in my bed. Neither of the girls ever did. Harrison has since day one.
3. In LA I was prepared (and was) to spend a butt load of money on a fabulous private school. I thought it was so important. Here, my girls go to the "Hippie" public choice school. The programs? Not so different really.
4. I buy organic meat, dairy and veggies. But we have Oreo's, Cheetos and Fruit Roll-Ups in the panrty and my kids know the menu at way too many restaurants.
5. I want the kids to understand the meaning behind Christmas. We donate time, money and food. We pick kids off the Target tree and shop for them; we give to homeless people and we give our old clothes. However, there will be a ton of gifts for the kids.
6. I encourage them believing in the tooth fairy, magic and Santa Clause; but Santa only brings one or two small gifts. Mostly because I don't want that fat man too take away my glory.
7. I think education is a key. I am saving for college for each of my kids. But I went to college and I know the skills I've used in my career did not come from my education. They came from the college of life. If my kids choose not to go to college, I will support them in this choice. They will have to support themselves...but I'll be okay with their choice.
8. We use homeopathy, relaxation techniques and therapy with Morgan for her ADHD. I will medicate her, when and if it seems like the right thing too do, without a second thought.
9. I won't buy toys very often. In a bookstore, all bets are off. We have bookshelves throughout this house. They know I'm a sucker when it comes to books.
10. We limit sugar, TV, Wii time and encourage playing outside and sports. When they are being pains though, I hand them some candy and send them to watch some TV.

But hey, I think they'll be okay anyway.

See, my baby smiles: Harrison Thomas, two months and a couple of days old.


I hope you guys had a great Thanksgiving.

And the winner is....

My baby boy is two months old today. I can't tell you how amazing that is too say. Let me say it again, my son is two month old. My son. If you'd told me a year ago, that this is where I'd be today, holding my serious little baby boy while writing this post, I'd have laughed at you and asked you to pass over, whatever it was you were smoking. A year ago, I was a different person. Not in every way, but I was. I was miserable and sad and nuts and a pretty big downer. I never would have thought that I'd get another chance at having a baby.

Today, I'm different. My husband is different, my daughters are different. This boy, he's changed our lives for the better. He brought me hope again. He has helped my heart to grow back to almost the size it was before. Heck, he may have made it bigger than it was before. He is an absolute joy.

I have a long post for and about him. Unfortunately, it's in my head. I'm having trouble writing this week. (Literally it's taken me almost two hours to write this post.) Mostly due to the details that are swarming around in my head as well. You know, the multiple trips to the airport I get to make, the grocery lists, the piles of laundry that need to be done and the holy crap, why did I think this was going to work out, types of thoughts.

So, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to announce the winner of the photo contest and then wish you all a happy Thanksgiving. If I get the chance to think, I'll post, but if not, I'll be back next week.

And the winner is: "I am SO telling my therapist about this when I can talk", which the lovely PsychMamma submitted. Truly it was a hard choice. I cracked up at all of the captions. You all are very funny.

Can't you just see him thinking that, with his little wrikled brow? He does smile, I promise. He laughs and grins and gives baby kisses. But he's a bit camera shy, so I get a lot of this:


I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving. Enjoy your family, friends and time off work.

Love, Issa, Logan, Morgan, Bailey and Harrison

Can I tell you a few secrets?

You don't mind, do you? Yeah, I didn't think so.

1. I adore the holidays. Some people tolerate them, some just like them, some people despise them. Me I adore them. Thanksgiving, Christmas and everything in between. The music, the food, the baking, buying gifts. Hell, I even love to wrap gifts. I love to decorate the house and I love having a house full of people, which I will in a few days. The details, the small things that drive people crazy about having a house full of people? I thrive on that type of chaos. Basically, I'm certifiably insane.

2. I'm thinking about staying home this time around. You know, with Harrison. By this time with both of the girls, they were in daycare. I was getting up every morning, getting dressed in real clothes, without spit-up or coffee stains on them and going to my big office in the sky. I dropped them off at 9am and Logan picked them up at 4pm. I loved that life. I loved the free-ness it gave me; the money I made and the security I felt. But when I look at this tiny boy of mine, I can't imagine putting him in daycare. Now too be fair, if I make this decision (which I don't technically have to make until the end of January), he won't go too daycare. He'll go to my best friends house and chill with her all day. Still, I don't think I want to do that. I think I want to stay home with him; be home with my girls; never have to scramble to find someone to take them on days off school, nor put them in summer camp when school is over. Don't tell anyone though, okay?

3. Logan and I have already started talking about having another baby next year. We're not quite to that point yet. But we have pretty much decided that in about six months or so, we're going to try again. We don't want there too be four years between Harrison and a baby. I am not getting any younger and if we want any more, we need to get on that sooner than later. Plus, we kinda like little babies. We'd forgotten how much we like little babies.

So, that's all I've got. This week will be short around here, because of the craziness that will start at my house Wednesday morning. There is still time left to enter the name the photo contest below. If you haven't looked at the comments, you really should, they are all freaking funny. You have until tonight to enter; I'll announce the winner tomorrow.

Contest: This picture needs a caption

Wanna take a stab at it? I thought I'd have a little contest. Winner of the best caption, gets bragging rights; oh okay....and a $15 iTunes gift card. Now if you win, you'll have to be willing to send me your email address. But I swear I will put the card in the mail on Tuesday...Wednesday at the latest. Plus, I'm not a crazy eye eating stalker. Crazy, yes. Eye eating stalker, no. Swears.

Contest is open until Monday at 7pm mountain time. Which is, whatever time it is your time. That is for you to figure out.

Friday Facts, take two

1. I have been working on a photo video thing for Morgan's birthday. She saw it last night and sat in awe of her own freaking pictures. When it was over, she said, Mommy, I really am cute. I have no words. Self-esteem, my kid has it.

2. This morning the kids were arguing about what frozen grass is called. This winning answer is grassicles, in case you ever wondered. Patten and trademark are pending.

3. I received an email from Hallmark, stating that they can send out my Christmas cards. I'm so tempted to take them up on it, seeing how I have yet to even send out birth announcements of my son, who is almost two month old now. But then I saw that I'd have to type my addresses into it and that seems like as much work as writing out the cards myself. Which means, I now feel like I need to go out and buy Christmas cards, order birth announcements and mail them out. I have what? 6 weeks until Christmas, right? I've got loads of time.

4. I have purchased exactly one Christmas gift. One. Just one. It's for the baby; a wooden rocking horse. You know, one he can ride? Which is very helpful considering he won't be old enough to ride it for at least a year and a half. But hey, one gift is one gift. Looks like black Friday shopping is calling my name.

5. Harrison is nine weeks old. I am working on a two month post for him. I have never been that into the week thing. Saying he's nine weeks old, just seems weird to me. I just tell people, he'll be two months old next week. When he turns a year *sob* he will be one years old, I'll stop saying months. Am I the only person who does this? Do any of you find it weird when someone is like, oh he's 22 weeks old, or 37 months? Who can keep track of that kind of shit? I feel lucky if I get my kids names right half the time.

Thanksgiving food post.....take one

Trust me, there will be more takes. We are hosting Thanksgiving next week. I'm looking at about 14-17 people for dinner. It makes me a bit giddy, but also a bit nervous. I volunteered, so that I wouldn't have to travel with the baby. Having the youngest member of the family in the moment, has it's major pluses. The drawback, is of course that I'm hosting Thanksgiving. Issa is a burner, not a cooker. I am a great baker, but not the best when it comes to cooking. On that front, luckily I'll have help.

However, this is where you come in. I need to know your favorite Thanksgiving/Holiday food item. If you can link me to a recipe, even better. Although I am capable of opening the dozens of recipe books I own to find stuff, I need to know what stuff people prefer. My family is no help. They are all busy with their lives and just keep telling me, whatever you want will be fine. But me, I'm not that into Holiday food. If left up too me, we'd be having sushi and chocolate raspberry cake for dessert. But it's not up too me. Not really anyway; so I need some ideas. The turkey has been ordered, but that's about the only thing we have a handle on; since my step-dad is going to smoke it.

So please, for the sake of the babies, help a girl out. Thanks and hugs and baby kisses and stuff.

We were playing doctor, really we were.

I should have known better. We should have known better. How many times does one couple need to learn this lesson? Wasn't once enough?

We'll file this post under: Full Disclosure.

Last night...I can't believe I'm doing this again. Last night we got caught doing the nasty knocking boots getting a bit frisky by Bailey. Some of you may remember the "wrestling" post, back when Morgan was about four and a half? Either way. We got caught again.

We were um...playing on the couch, when we heard this little voice.

Mama, my heart hurts.**

Logan, my very lovely husband, is a quick thinker. He says, honey go in the bathroom and find your inhaler and Mama will be in there in one second.

So I get up, put some clothes back on and go in the bathroom to help my child breath better. She uses her inhaler as she leans against me. We wait for a few minutes and she does it again. Then she says, Mommy, what were you and Daddy doing?

I think to myself for a second and say the first thing that comes to mind, oh we were playing doctor. Oh she says, ok then. Who was the doctor? Oh, um, well, my um....Daddy was. Ok, mama, my heart is better, goodnight. My heart at this point; about to explode. She patters down the hall, up the stairs and goes back to bed.

Needless to say, we moved our game of doctor upstairs. Behind locked doors.

I was not looking forward to this morning. I was hoping she'd not remember. It would be better that way. Maybe we should tell her she was sleepwalking, Logan had said. Took awhile before she brought it up. I was driving up to the school and she said to Morgan, Mommy and Daddy play doctor after we go to bed. Morgan, god love her, just laughed and laughed, but didn't say a word. We walked Bailey to preschool and as we walked to her class room, she leans into me and whispers, Mommy, you were having S.E.X., (she spelled it, all loud and crap, like I couldn't hear her) right?

I said the only thing I could, baby, do you really want to know? Ew, no she says. I never want to know that. Then don't ask. But please, keep it to yourself okay? Sure, but ewwwww mommy. Then she runs off, laughing to herself.

My cheeks are red just typing this. But you know, this is a full disclosure blog. Aren't you glad you stopped by this morning?

Once for each kid, that's not horrible right? We can try better for the boy, to not scar him for life or send him to therapy before he's five. But you know, sometimes you temporarily forget there are children in the house. At least until you hear that little voice say, mama or daddy. Kill joy.

We can't be the only ones, can we?

**Bailey is an asthmatic. When her asthma is acting up, she says her heart hurts. It's just how she explains it.

TV shows? Am I the only disappointed person?

I have this love hate relationship with TV right now. In some respects I adore TV, I always have. I wasn't allowed to watch much as a kid, which was fine. I mean we do the same thing with the girls. Not that it's always an easy thing to do, by any means. Sometimes you just want to glue their butts in front of the dang thing. However, TV after the kids are in bed is phenomenal. I remember being a teenager and not understanding how my parents could spend their evenings watching TV. I'd never be like that, is what I thought then. Even after one kid, we didn't watch very much TV. But after the second one, you start to realize how much you just need that down time at night. After three kids, forget about it. We are TV loving fools.

Here's the thing though, TV is seriously disappointing me these days. I could care less about most of the shows that I used to love.

Heroes: I don't understand it. Logan is still watching it, but he won't watch it with me, because I have to ask a zillion questions and then I still don't get it. The first season; all that Save the Cheerleader, Save the World stuff? That I understood. Good guys were good, bad guys were bad; I loved it. Now it's a chore to remember any of it. It's too convoluted and makes no dam sense.

Grey's Anatomy: I used to love it, I really did. Now I watch it, because it's habit, not because I really care. The whole ghost of Denny thing just bugs me. George is being way to big of a pussy and they really need to just break up Meredith and Derek, because right now, I can't stand him. Mostly though, I just don't care anymore.

Private Practice and Brothers and Sisters have become so soap operay that I can barely stand to watch them. Which sucks because the first season, I adored both of them. Now it all feels forced and there are way to many story lines to try and keep track off. I have three kids to keep track off, I need my TV shows to be a bit less mind consuming to follow.

Number and CSI: shit, we've been watching those forever, but this too is habit now. I don't really care if we miss them. We record them and half the time erase them before we get to watching it.

There are three shows that we adore: NCIS (although to be honest, we only started watching it this past summer - yay Netflix); The Amazing Race and The Big Bang Theory. All of these, we have been saving and re-watching, since it's pretty much the only thing we want to see. The Big Bang Theory, hands down, the funniest comedy on TV ever. Or in years and years at least.

Oh and Top Chef, I adore Top Chef. Logan only likes it once they get all the whiny asses (his words) off though. Which means, until they get down to the final eight or so, he won't learn their names and he taunts the dam TV every week.

I don't know what it is this season? Maybe it was the writers strike that made them rush the scripts. I don't know if I've just finally hit my limit on crime and medical dramas? What I do know is they need to scrap a ton of shows and start over, start fresh.

We tried watching some of the new shows, gave it a real try. We weren't impressed. The Mentalist is the only one we even record, but we've only actually managed to watch 2 episodes of it. I tried 90210, I really gave it a shot, but it didn't really hold my attention for very long.

Shows like Weeds and Dexter and Saving Grace, off season cable shows, we adore these. But it doesn't help us right now. We don't watch TV, mostly until the kids go to bed, which gives us a good um...two hours before one of us falls asleep at night. Is there something we're missing? Something worth the time? What are you guys loving this season? Or is there something you'd recommend we Netflix?

Am I the only one having TV issues this season?

Friday furballs

Today, mostly to get the post below down a bit (also possibly to not tell you about the food poisoning I have; trust me you'll thank me), I've decided to tell you about the un-talked about member of my household. Namely, our dog. Oh hi, we have a dog. Did you know that? Possibly she's been mentioned, I'm not really sure. She's a good dog (mostly) but I'm just not one of those people who talks about her animals. Because frankly, she's a dog, not a person and I'm just not one of those people.


You know, this isn't starting off so well. Let me start over... This is Liltih our pup. She also goes by puppsie, pup-head, Lil, Stinky and knock it off. It just depends on the day.

She's a purebred Australian Shepard, which is the nice wording for, Issa should have gotten a mutt. No, she's a great dog; truly she is. But Aussies are puppies until they are like five years old. Lucky for us, she made it to five. She is five and half now. She was a gift to us, for helping a friend put together their wedding. They had a litter of pups and we choose the most mellow one. She just didn't stay mellow for more than a week. She still jumps on people when they first come in and barks at falling leaves, but besides that she's a pretty trained dog. We always laugh when people say she's our attack dog. The bark might make people think that, but mostly an intruder would see her butt and cropped tail moving a mile a minute and she'd just lick them to death.


Lil is a Frisbee pup. Logan started teaching her to catch one, about the same week we got her, when she was an eight week old fluff-ball. I should scan in a picture of her back then, but I'd have to find one and scan it. Two things that are not going to happen today. The only reason I'm even posting, is because of the lovely invention of wi-fi, meaning, I can lay in my bed and contemplate my demise by stomach bug, while still being entertained by all of you lovely people. He loved the dogs in Santa Monica, who could jump in the air and catch the frisbee, so he trained her to do it. She's a pretty great frisbee dog actually. But she spends most of her days (when not licking my freaking floor or trying to clean the baby) either laying on a giant pillow in the living room or walking around with the Frisbee in her mouth, just hoping someone will take pitty on her and throw the dam thing.




So there you have it, one dog for sale. Free even, to semi-good home. Kidding, just kidding. We love her, she's our pup-head and she's a keeper.



PS. It's snowing!!

I need your help....

This is a post that I've been re-writing in my head for the past few days. I've debated it over and over again. I'm not sleeping, because this is all I think about. But it's a weird request to ask of you. I feel like I need to ask anyway, even though it may make some of you uncomfortable. Hell it makes me uncomfortable. I'd like to ask any of you who pray, to pray for my grandmother. But I'd like to ask you to pray for her to pass, before she's in any more pain, not for her to live. See? Uncomfortable. Not a common request, I know. Not something you'd normally ask people to pray for.

My grandmother has been battling cancer for three and a half years. In the beginning, they gave her 6 months. The reason for that was the size of the tumors. They think it started out as uterine cancer. But by the time they found it, she had three huge tumors. One in her groin area, which was the reason they found it in the first place. The second had taken over her uterus and the third was wrapped around her aorta. That last one is the killer. Or was, according to the doctors. They did radiation and chemo, but they couldn't radiate that last tumor. They continued to do chemo until this spring, when she told her doctor, she just couldn't handle it anymore.

Two months and a week ago, the hospice doctors told us she had a week to live. The cancer had spread everywhere, she has tumors pretty much everywhere. Instead of her not making it a week, my grandfather was gone in that week. She's continued to go downhill since then. She's on so many pain meds, we're surprised she remembers her own name. There is cancer in her brain they figure, because she's gone senile. Some days she's fine. Others she goes back and forth between screaming at my mom for something she did as a twelve year old child and telling her how to fold the towels the right way. Then she'll cry, telling her, I'm so sorry your marriage didn't work out. She's talking about the marriage to my father. The marriage my mother ended, oh about 24 years ago. Then she'll be acting like a four year old. Pouting and whining, saying that someone won't give her ice cream and she only wants ice cream. Which would be funny, considering the woman has lived on strawberry ice cream and watermelon for three months now. Except it's not funny. It's just heartbreakingly sad.

My mom has taken care of grandma since this time last year. Her and my step-dad sold their house, gave up their practices early and moved to Texas to care for my grandparents. Tomorrow, they are putting Grandma in the hospice hospital. They can not physically, emotionally or mentally take care of her anymore.

Her doctors say she has maybe weeks. Then again, they are the same ones who told my mom, one week; two months ago. They don't know why she's still alive. What they do know is that the cancer has almost encased her colon. Once it does, if the pain alone doesn't kill her, they'll have to put her in a medically induced coma until she passes, just to manage her pain.

This type of cancer......my other grandpa died of colon cancer, five years ago on Halloween. What the doctors are saying is correct. I know this for a fact. When the cancer encased my grandfathers colon, he fell into a coma, never to wake up again. My dad had to remove the life support, after nine days. I was there when he took his last breath. This is not something anyone deserves. No one should have to die like that. But my grandma definitely shouldn't have to die like that.

My whole family has decided to pray for grandma, for her to pass painlessly in her sleep; before the cancer take over her colon. What we're doing is asking everyone to pray for the same thing. As much as it kills us to do so.

My grandmother is a good woman. She's lived a long great life. She adored my grandfather from the second she met him, until he took his last breath. She raised six children and helped care for fourteen grandchildren. She was an only child, who took care of her parents and her aunt, when they were old. She taught Sunday school classes, helped anyone she knew who was in need and always had someone staying in the guest room. But that woman is gone now. In her place is a senile in pain lady, whose body is failing her.

This might be the hardest thing I've ever asked for in my life. But please, if you pray, help us with this. Pray for her to go home. To join my grandfather on the other side. It may not do a thing. But we have faith that it will.

Thank you.

I heart your blog meme

The lovely Debra gave me this wonderful badge. The I heart your blog badge. See, isn't it pretty? I heart you too Debra.



So there are rules that go along with this honor. Do this meme; the one word meme. Only have one worded answers. Pass on the love. But see I'm a rule breaker. I believe that rules are made to be broken. (And I wonder why my kids are so dang opinionated.) I'm thinking that I'll do the meme to the best of my ability, but I can't promise only using one word.

Here's where I become a rule breaker though. I love blog awards, I truly do. I love being nominated and I'm always happy to see that others who I love are getting recognized. But I can't stand the tagging part that comes with memes. I over think it. Should I choose my friends? People I actually think will do it? People who are more unknown? People who I know won't do it? It's just too hard for me. I don't want to leave anyone out, nor hurt any ones feelings. I read 97 blogs. Some of them are not individuals, you know Post Secret, Alpha Mom, Celeb trash (what? you know you read it too), but the majority of blogs I read are people. People who I adore. Some of them are blogs I never comment on, some I stalk, some are written by true friends, but I adore them all. I can't choose just five people. I won't just choose five people.

That was my long way of saying, everyone who reads here, I adore your blog. Please feel free to add the blog love picture to your site. Because I do, love your blog. Doing the meme, is optional. Because this, my tiny space here in the interwebs, is my world. So we do it my way.

The One Word Meme
Where is your mobile phone? Good question
Where is your significant other? Work
Your hair colour? auburn
Your mother? love
Your father? lame
Your favourite thing? my babies
Your dream last night? no sleep
Your dream goal? writer
The room you're in? Bedroom
Your hobby? blogging
Your fear? loss
Where do you want to be in six years? here
Where were you last night? bedroom - awake
What you're not? mean
One of your wish-list items? whirled peas
Where you grew up? LA
The last thing you did? Starbucks
What are you wearing? sweats
Your TV? widescreen
Your pets? pup-head
Your computer? Mac
Your mood? good
Missing someone? yes
Your car? hybrid
Something you're not wearing? socks
Favourite shop? Coach
Your summer? bleh
Love someone? many
Your favourite colour? orange
When is the last time you laughed? Today
Last time you cried? 3am

Mommy guilt, I has it...

So I have this teeny boy and I adore him...this you all know. I am really content to hang out and just stare at him all day long, every day. He's quite cute, you know. But my girls are starting to show signs of being a bit jealous of him. Basically they are being asshats to me these days. Bailey, more than Morgan, but really both of them. Clingy one moment and bratty the next. I decided to take each of them on a special day with just me. Bailey's was Saturday, Morgan's will be next Saturday.

Off to the mall (her choice) we went, bright and way too early Saturday morning. As an aside here, does anyone remember when sleeping in on weekends meant later than 7:15am? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, we went to the mall, listening to her favorite CD the entire way.

Once there we proceeded to look in every single store. I do mean, every store. She wanted to point out all the things she wanted for Christmas. I really think her reasoning in going to the mall, was to search out and find Santa. I kept telling her, he's not here yet, not until after Thanksgiving. She still looked for him in every store. She also wants things from every single store. I thought she'd find a store where she couldn't come up with something she wanted, but no, even in the stores where there was nothing she could possibly want, she'd find something and say, Daddy wants this Mama, we should buy it for him. So, honey when you get the Buddha piggy bank for Christmas, you only have your daughter to blame. According to her, it is your greatest wish to own a Buddha piggy bank.

I bought her shoes and a couple of books, one sweater and some candy. I thought we were home free, because I'd managed to pull her out of the toy stores, telling her that she had to make a list for Santa; I wasn't buying her toys today.

We'd almost gotten back to the car, when she said to me, Mama you always say next time, but today is next time, right? What are you talking about? That. She was talking about Build-a-Bear. The glowing lights of the store were shining in her wide eyes. The bears were calling her, I could see it. I thought in my head, how many times I really have said maybe next time to her. I did what any guilty feeling mommy would do. I walked her into the store and said, pick whichever one you want too.

We left with Hannah Montana, the Cheetah. She has a guitar and clothes. I did put my foot down at shoes, I was not paying for two sets of shoes. But it does sing. A Hannah Montana song, of course. Can you see me cringing through the computer?

It didn't alleviate all of my guilt, but it did make me feel a bit better. I have to get a handle of having three kids. On taking a break from adoring Harrison; to remember to spend time with my girls.

It's hard though. It's so easy to spend all day with him. He's small and he fits right here, in the crook of my neck...where he is right now. He's easy as pie, he goes days without crying, he doesn't talk back and honestly, I've waited a long time for him. After losing the baby last year, I know how precious it is, this time around is. I feel like I need to make up for the way I was for the majority of my pregnancy. I need to make up for not being sure I was emotionally stable enough for him. I feel like I need to prove too him how loved he is. My girls might be feeling a bit jealous, but they've had years with me. He's only seven weeks old.

I'm having trouble finding the middle ground. I guess that's something I need to keep working on. Until then, I am the mommy who buys Build-a-Bears. Just stick a sucker sign on me and call it done.

ps. Try as I might, I can not get the pictures of Bailey and Hannah Montana to load.She really was quite pleased with her choice. Her sister, not so much. But she'll get her chance to do what she wants to next weekend.

Long lost parenting tips....

Last night Morgan was arguing with us about bedtime. She is under the impression that she deserves a later bedtime than her sister. Logan and I are not. She's horrible at getting up every single morning and her sister never is. (Although she can be a pain in the evenings.) When Logan told her that if we were doing it by that, that Bailey would have the later bedtime, she got seriously pissed. "That's crap", she said.

Excuse me, what did you just say?

That's crap, she repeated.

No, freaking way is what I said back to her. You're not doing that 12 year old attitude in this house. It's unacceptable and I'm not putting up with it.

Crap, That's crap, she muttered under her breath, while glaring at me.

I did the only thing I could think of, I pulled her into the bathroom and made her open her mouth and I shoved a small stick of soap in there. Then I set the timer for four minutes, one minute for each time she said crap to me. This is not how you are allowed to behave in my house, I said. You are NOT going to act like those bratty teens you see on Disney. You are 6 years old, not thirteen. Besides that, it's unacceptable behavior at 13 years old and you're not going to do it then either. You want to talk to me, like a rational person, fine. You want to come up with a rational argument, fine. But the truth is, after bedtime is mine and daddy's time. Not yours. Until you are at least ten years old, we're not having this conversation again. Your bedtime is 8:30pm and you should be happy about it, because I know kids your age who go to bed at 7:30pm. Your opinion matters in this house, I always listen to it and you know this. But at the end of the day, what Daddy and I say, goes. End of story. From here on out, when you cuss, this is what's going to happen. Also, parental controls are going on Disney channel for the next week. If you can't act your age and stop giving us teenage attitude, I will call Comcast and have them permanently remove the Disney channel from our TV.

Then I just sat there and picked at the towel for the next two minutes. When the timer went off, I removed the soap from her mouth. Now, do you have anymore smart mouth comments to make.

No Ma'am, she said.

Ok good, now go put your Jammie's on, brush your teeth and get into bed. I'll be in to read to you in a few minutes.

As she went up the stairs, I heard her mutter to herself, I'll never be that mean to my kids. It took everything in me to not laugh hysterically until I got back into the living room. As I told Logan the whole story, we both laughed our asses off at what she'd said. I remember saying the same thing to myself, when it was me with the soap in my mouth. Except I believe my wording was, I'll never do something so barbaric to my kids, because barbaric was my favorite word in the moment. Logan remembers saying something similar when it was done to him.

Here's the thing though, it worked. I think I only had to learn that lesson twice. Around my friends, once I was a teen, I cussed. But I was probably 19 freaking years old before I ever cussed around my parents again. Logan thinks he was a bit more hard headed and it took him a few more times to learn this lesson.

It was the only thing I could think to do to her to make my point known. It was the first thing that popped into my head. She is not an easy kid to discipline. She can think of ways around everything. She doesn't really play with her toys, so it's not like taking them away would matter. Taking away the wii only matters to her for a few minutes. TV works, but only the first day, because she can entertain herself. I won't take away jumping on the trampoline or playing outside, because then I'm really grounding myself, plus she needs to get that energy out. So, I did the first thing that came to mind. The thing that I hated as a kid, the thing that I swore up and down I'd never do. Soap in the mouth.

But it worked. She apologized last night and again this morning. She told her sister how horrible it was and that she should never cuss. Some things our parents did and their parents did are not cool. But some of it, dam it's freaking useful.

But um, hey...do you guys know if I can really have the Disney station removed? I can put parental controls on it and I can leave it on, but if I do it for too long, I have to keep changing the codes, because she messes with it until she breaks it. In this moment, I'm not going to do it, but I need to know if it's possible. Because I don't threaten things I'm not willing to follow through on and I think I may have just done that.

So my lovely peeps, have you ever done something to your kids that you swore you'd never do?

Thursday funny....

The, Issa can't see straight enough to type coherently, edition. Also, the Issa got NO SLEEP because her tiny baby was up sick all night, edition. Possibly the, Issa's sinuses are taking over, edition. And maybe also the, Issa can't let it go edition.

Take your pick.


see Sarah Palin pictures

Bittersweet victory

When I met Logan, we were fourteen; in the first week of our Freshman year in High School. His brother Sam was eleven years old. Audrey, his younger sister was eight. For some reason, Sammy was the biggest annoyance in the world to us (nothing personal to him, because he's awesome now, but 11 years old boys are not that fun), but Audrey kind of became our little mascot. She hung out with us and our friends. We'd take her places, I taught her to surf; we thought she was cool. Probably helped that she was completely easy going and fun.

She was thirteen when she came to Logan and I and asked us if she could take us out to dinner. Take, meaning, we take her out and we pay for it, of course. We thought it was because we'd just gotten married and she wanted to be nice, but really she wanted to talk. She came out to us that night. She told us straight up, she was not interested in guys, she had a girlfriend. She talked and talked and explained her feelings to us, never letting us get a word in edge wise. She was scared to tell her big brother. I'm not sure what he said to her, because honestly it's been years. But whatever he said, she burst into tears. She was so thrilled that he'd support her 100%. Of course he would, we all did. Hell, he was just thrilled he didn't have to worry about her getting pregnant at fourteen or something. Didn't make him not want to hunt down and strangle the little girl who later broke his baby sisters heart for the first time, but that is just a boy thing. Protect the women's; I think it's in the male genes. The few people in our extended family who had issues with this, have long since gotten over it. While at thirteen, they though she was going through a phase (you know, the ever popular, I like girls phase? Only second in popularity to the, I want to be a rock star phase), by the time she met Lexi at eighteen, they had moved over that issue.

Audry and Lexi met their first semester in college. They weren't roommates, but each of them had a best friend in the other ones room. I won't forget the night she came over and told us about Lex. Bailey was only a tiny newborny, not much older than Harrison is right now. Audy was completely love struck. We teased her about it, because all she talked about was Lexi. Lexi does this, Lexi is gonna do that; Lexi and I are going to a concert next week. She said to us, you just wait, this one is going to last, I can just feel it. She'd had quite a few girlfriends. Turned out, being a lesbian in LA as a teen: not such a tough thing. Yes, there were issues from time to time. But LA isn't some small town in the south. There was never any hate mail, nobody threatening her or really anything like that; just mostly normal High School stuff.

Not too long after that, we had some family event and Audy brought Lexi with her. We all adored her from second one. My MIL called it, she said, they are like you and Logan, they are meant for each other. She was right of course. You only have to see them together once, to know it is true. There is no one who would see them and doubt their love and adoration for each other. Their level of commitment is higher than most marriages these days.

Last year the bill passed in the state of California that they could legally be married. The state was now recognizing the union of gay and lesbian couples as it should have been years ago. We all rejoiced. Lexi proposed to Audrey and they bought each other rings. They are young, only 22 and both of their mothers asked them to wait until they finished school. They graduated last spring and started planning their wedding. They said they wanted a summer wedding and started planning it for August of next year. 9/9/09 is their planned wedding date.

"We lost", said the sobbing voice on the phone this morning. At 6:30am she called us. Which is, in case you didn't know, 5:30am California time. She stayed up; they both stayed up all night, hoping, praying it would be different. When it didn't change, she waited until she knew Logan at least would be up and she called us. She'd already called and sobbed to her parents. We lost. Those two words broke my heart. The next four broke it even more: we're getting married anyway.

I am beyond thrilled that Obama won, you really have no idea. I didn't realize that I'd been holding my breath for weeks. I slept so well last night. Because honestly, I thought California would win this battle. I slept like a baby, as well as my baby.

But my lovely sis didn't. She spent the night pacing and screaming at her computer and at the injustices of the world. She and her partner spent the night crying in each others arms, wondering what they would do now. About 3am, Lexi said, we'll get married anyway. I love you and you love me and we're doing this. When it becomes legal again, because you know, one day it will, we'll get married again. Until then, we'll be married anyway. To us, the people who matter. Our family and friends will come and celebrate us on our day. The world...well fuck em if they don't believe.

She's right, we'll come and support them. We adore them and they deserve to have a day just for them. That day, my friends will be 9/9/09. The day, I get another sis-in-law for good. The day, they are hitched and Lexi will never get rid of us crazies again.

Today is a happy day for the US. I am happy, I truly am. But there's a bitterness there too. An angry piece of me, that has no outlet. I just want to shake the world right now and say, these two belong together, how can you not see that? How can you not understand that this doesn't change your fucking marriage? How can you judge someone for who they love, just because it is different for you? Because you don't understand it, they should be penalized? I am angry for my baby sister. I am sad for her, but I am angry for her too. Audy and Lexi are just like Logan and I; just like all of you, who are married to your spouses. They support each other, they take care of each other and most important, they adore each other. The one difference, is their marriage won't be legal in the eyes of the country.

Today is bittersweet for me and my family. I had to explain to Morgan and Bailey why I was crying this morning. Aren't we happy mama? Aren't we glad Mr. Obama won? Yes, my babies, we are. We are thrilled beyond belief about that. But we are sad for your aunties, because California passed a bill that means they can't have the piece of paper that your daddy and I have. They can get married, but it won't be legal. Well that makes no sense, Morgan said. I know, my love, I know.

Please go vote

I've had this political post going through my head for weeks. I've written it and re-written it so many times. But it's just not working for me today. There are many others who can and will say it better than I ever could. I'm having some major anxiety issues (some because of this election, some because of other stuff) and I haven't slept in the last few days and I'm just not in the place to write eloquently.

What, I'll say is this: Your vote counts. All votes count. Please vote. The only way for change to happen (no matter what you believe in) is to make your voice heard. Please go and vote today.

There are days….

When the ins and outs of taking care of kids is downright hard.

When you get tired of arguing about Summer versus Fall clothes.

When you get tired of trying to find matching socks and two shoes of the same pair.

When you just want to say, whatever, have whatever you want for breakfast, or don’t eat at all, I really don’t care.

When you get sick of hearing how much your grandma has deteriorated since yesterday.

When you get sick of trying to balance the checkbook, only to realize it doesn’t match the bank statement online, because your dam husband can’t seem to save all his receipts.

When you get sick of having the same argument with said husband, every single week.

When picking up socks and panties, out of every corner of your house, gets old.

When you’d rather sell the dog than listen to her bark at a falling leaf one more time.

When you are so tired of the viciousness and hateful things that are happening because of this election. Tired of arguing with people, who will never look past their own hateful argument.

Then there are days like today. Days that start out with these things above. Days where I want to run away to Cancun and live on the beach. Days, where I quickly realize how good I really have it. Days where I look at this boy and decide instead to be thankful.

Thankful for my babies all being healthy and full of life. Even if that means they may always fight me on clothes issues and breakfast choices.

Thankful for my husband who comes home very single night and picks up the slack.

Thankful, that he has no pre-conceived notion of “woman or mans jobs” around the house; that he will do dishes, clean a bathroom or change a dirty diaper without even having to be asked.

Thankful for having the time with my grandparents that I did. Knowing that most people aren’t that lucky. No, it doesn’t make it any easier to lose them all, especially not two in one year, but it’s still better than not having had them at all.

Thankful that my candidate in this election is 8 points ahead at this time. Thankful for Hope and Change and something different happening in this country.

Thankful for all of you. For listening to me whine, making me laugh and being great friends.

Today I am thankful.