Snippets

He crawls away from me, until he gets to the edge of the door which will lead him out of our kitchen and into the den. There he stops, turns around, looks at me and comes back to play with the Tupperware again. He hasn't found his baby wings yet. He hasn't realized that we are not one yet. I am still his person. At not yet eight months old, I am his world. He lights up when he sees me in the morning and cries when I walk out of the room without him.

This is the way it should be. Yes, he will get over his separation anxiety soon. Yes, he will one day leave the room I am in on purpose. But not yet. I will savor the time until then.

******************

Logan: Iss, I think we need to eat at home this week. He reaches for another hot wing from the container in the middle of the table.

Bailey: Daddy, we are eating and we are at home.

Logan: Did you coach her to say that?

Me: Nope, she got that one on her own. Babe, I'm doing the best I can. Dinner is still dinner, as long as we all eat together.

Logan: Pause. I never thought of it that way. So, okay, dinner at home, no restaurants this week. But I don't care where the food comes from. One week, lets just try it for one week, okay?

Me: That sounds like a plan.

******************

Morgan was as sick as a dog last week; food poisoning from some treat at the school. I've never seen her that sick in my life. Her long thin body, curled up on the bathroom floor in between retching. I sat with her, me and Harrison hanging with her on the floor until I finally decided to take her to Urgent care. I have been scared in my life; scared of many things. But nothing is scarier than watching your baby go as limp as a noodle from exhaustion and dehydration as you carry her too the car to take her to Urgent Care.

At 2am that next morning, she came into our room and said, mama I can't go to school today. I know bug, I do. But it's only 2am, I told her. Then I did something I rarely do, I pulled her into bed with us. She slept curled into me, nestled in between Logan and I for the rest of the night.

When I was in California, she slept with me two nights in a row. The two nights following my losing the baby. Those two nights, I felt guilty for, because she was there to comfort me. Now I know it works both ways. It's okay for her to be a comfort to me on occasion, just as it is for me to be that for her. That's what makes us family. Yes, she is seven years old, my first baby. But she is getting so big too. Big enough that we are starting to become friends in some way.

I want that, to be friends with my kids. Their mother first? Always. But friends too.

*******************

My Mom: So, Papa** and I are coming out mid-June. We're hoping to find a house to buy while we are there.

Me: Really? That soon?

Mom: Yeah. I've already started working on my book and he's pretty much finished with the practice. Jordan has a handle on it, he's been there for nearly two years. The practice runs itself these days. We're ready for the change. Ready for the new chapter in our lives.

Me: Mom, you know there is a house for sale down the block from us.

Mom: You'd want us to look at that? It wouldn't be too close?

Me: No, not at all. We'd love it.

Mom: Oh I'm so happy to hear that. Ok, well pull the phone number, so I can call on it, okay?

Me: I will call them for you.

Mom: You know it's funny, but so many people don't get to say that their grown daughter is one of their best friends.

Me: I know, that's just sad. God, I hope the girls and I are like that one day.

Mom: I know it will be like that for you.

**We call my step-dad, papa. Have since they got married when I was eight.

******************

Kate: Are you guys sending the girls to summer day camp?

Me: I don't know. Maybe? We go back and forth on it. Morgan wants too, but Bailey doesn't at all.

Kate: Yeah, Aidan doesn't want to either. If we send him, you know he'll fight me every single morning. It's almost not worth the trouble.

Me: Yeah, I know. I want the time with them, the freedom to sleep in. Ha. But the reality is, I don't know that I want to entertain them, or listen to them fight all day every day for the next 10 weeks.

Kate: Well what if we share the kids? Take turns on certain days? Split them up on certain days and then have a day a week where we all do something together? Then we can both say, have a day a week free and the rest will work itself out.

Me: That is awesome. I'm in for sure. Can I have Friday off?

Kate: I knew you'd ask me that.

Me: At least I'm consistent.

Kate: Um huh. Consistent, pain in the ass maybe.

*****************

I wake up late/early one night to the bed shaking. He's sobbing, all 6'4" curled up around a pillow, with his hand shoved in his mouth to be quiet. I comfort him and calm him down and then ask why he is so upset. I wanted that baby. I wanted that baby so bad that it hurts. I wanted you to never have to go through this again. I couldn't fix it and I wanted too. You needed time to grieve, I had to be the one to not fall apart.

Well now it's your turn I tell him. Babe, we will have another baby, I tell him.

I can't even tell you how much I wanted to have another baby, he says. That baby, our baby.

We will. That one wasn't meant to be. But there will be another try, another chance. If not through us, we'll adopt. We'll find our baby. The one that is meant to be in this family.

There will be another baby. I know it. I feel it. Not yet, I need time. But sooner than one might think, I'd bet.

*****************

It's a crazy life, it keeps me on my toes, but it's my life and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Just to get that post down a bit

I am not going to apologize for my post yesterday. I don't regret it. While a tad of the over-dramatic side, I meant every bit of it. Yesterday. It's been called naked blogging, not because I was nekkid, but because it was real, raw, emotional and a bit embarrassing. I've gone back and forth on just taking it down and decided against it. You guys get the real me here. May not be pretty, may not be entertaining, but it's me. Thank you to all of you for your sweet comments, it meant the world to me.

Today is a different day. A better day. Filled with sunshine and unicorns. Ok, maybe not, but it's a heck of a lot better than yesterday. I knew I needed to post something today, just so you all know that I'm not taking down this site. So, I looked around and found a meme that I decided to do. The couples meme, is I think what it's called. I stole it from Mothergoosemoouse who I believe stole it from Dooce.

THE COUPLES MEME:

What are your middle names?

Mine is Ann, or Anne, depending which of my parents you ask. Never let your husband fill out a birth certificate, when he can't spell a simple name. Was supposed to be Anne, after my great-grandma. Is Ann, because my dad can't spell. Funnily, he has since that day, spelled it Anne. Logan's (who remember isn't Logan really) is Owen.

How long have you been together?

We met in September 1994. Married, March 1999.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

Like three hours. Seriously.

Who asked whom out?

I asked him out. In fact, I asked him if he'd like to ditch the last half of our first day of Freshman year and go surfing.

How old are each of you?

We are both 29. I turned 29 on Monday and he'll be 30 in September. I tease him all the time for being so much older than me.

Whose siblings do you see the most?

His brother I guess, but only because he has a love of skiing. My brothers live in San Francisco. His brother and sister both live in Los Angeles.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

Remembering to make time for us. Remembering that everything is temporary, that he won't be working long hours forever, that I won't always be sitting around just waiting for someone to talk too.

Did you go to the same school?

Yes. We are big ole nerds like that.

Are you from the same home town?

No. I was born in Los Angeles, him Denver.

Who is smarter?

We are smart in different ways, if that makes sense.

Who is the most sensitive?

Depends on the day. We are both capable of hurting each others feelings without meaning too. On the cry at movies type of sensitive, um me.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Go out to eat as a couple? Are you freaking kidding me? I have no clue, because we love to try new restaurants. Plus, hai, we are never alone. Three kids, remember? Our stand-by when we can't decide, or agree, is California Pizza Kitchen.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Italy. We went for a week after we got married.

Who has the craziest exes?

Neither. We were High School sweethearts. Although if you ask him about me and Nathan and a game of truth or dare under a trampoline, he wants to do bodily harm.

Who has the worst temper?

Me, hands down. I am the screamer, the arguer, the coffee mug thrower. But he has his moments.

Who does the cooking?

Me mostly, although we eat out a lot. He's a better cook than I am. But his mom is a chef, so he learned how to cook at a very young age.

Who is the neat-freak?

Morgan? Neither one of us are neat freaks. The only neat freak in this house is seven years old. I hope it lasts, when she is a teen. She loves to clean and do dishes. However, she hates doing laundry, folding laundy, putting laundry away...

Who is more stubborn?

I'm a Taurus. Enough said.

Who hogs the bed?

Logan does, completely. But he's freaking 6'4. I constantly wake up and move his limbs off of me at night.

Who wakes up earlier?

He does, at five am. Have I mentioned the insane amount of hours he has been working lately?

Where was your first date?

I have no freaking idea. Venice Beach Boardwalk probably. Dude we were 14, we considered it all one big date.

Who is more jealous?

Neither one of us has ever been a jealous person.

How long did it take to get serious?

Oh hai, um a day? Ok, not like that. Dirty minded people. But the, he told me after a day, that he knew we'd get married one day.

Who eats more?

He does. Needs a third leg probably. Or has one hidden that I am not seeing.

Who does the laundry?

Me. If I waited for him to do it, I'd walk around nekkid.

Who’s better with the computer?

Me. He's kind of computer illiterate.

Who drives when you are together?

He does. And I gripe at him the whole way.

10 years ago today

It doesn't seem like 10 years could have gone by since Logan and I said, I do. Don't get me wrong, some days it seems like it's been a million years, but mostly it's gone by pretty fast. Three kids does that to you. You can't blink, because you'll miss it all.

My husband is not the man I married 10 years ago. I am not the woman I was back then. We have changed, grown, become different people. (Which hopefully happens when you marry at 19 years old.) We're lucky in the sense that the people we grew into, grew in the same direction and still get along. At least most days.

Yesterday was not one of those days. Yesterday was hard people. Just plain hard. But see, no one ever said marriage was easy. It isn't; it's a constantly challenging thing. Totally worth it, but not easy. As my mom says, if you don't have the horrible days, you'd never really appreciate the good ones. I've never aired my dirty laundry on this blog, not where it concerns my husband. I don't intend to start now, but lets just say, yesterday wasn't fun. It doesn't really matter today, because it was yesterday and now it's over.

However, yesterday we didn't act like people who have been married 10 years. We didn't act like people who love each other. Hell, we didn't even act like adults. (As Morgan says, we weren't acting our age or IQ. She loves to say this too the dog, although I'm not sure dogs care one bit.) I am not proud of it, but I'm not upset about it either. Life moves on, love is bigger than irritation and frustration. I have never been good at staying angry. It's too much dam work.

This morning, I woke up, turned over and was happy to see him. Him, the beautiful man I married. The man who was such a butt munch yesterday. Every morning, I look at him and I love him. No matter how pissed I might be, when he looks at me, I know I will always forgive him. Eventually. Because I love him. I love him more than everything in this world. I know that no matter what happens, he is here for me, and I for him. I'd move the moon for him if he asked.

10 years people. 10 years. I was going to be all sweet and sappy today, but I'm just not in the mood. Mostly because I am too freaking tired to form two thoughts that make sense. Instead I give you this:

Me: Babe, we've been married for ten freaking years. Don't you think it's about time you started actually hanging up your wet towels?

Logan: Iss, we've been married for ten years. Don't YOU think it's about time you gave up on me hanging up my towels?

And that my friends is what ten years of marriage looks like.

Not sure when it happened

Last night, at say two thirty-four ish am (tentatively) Logan and I found ourselves with three sleeping kids, on the bathroom floor. Croup. Oh it's such a lovely sound. I knew they all had coughs, I'd been listening to it all day, but I didn't know how bad it was. At 1am, I found out. Bailey and I spent about 45 minutes on the bathroom floor with the shower on at full blast. Then the baby started the seal cough and Logan brought him in the bathroom with us. After another half hour Morgan woke up, came to find us, saw us all on the floor and went and got her blanket and pillow and came in and laid down in between us. All of this without a word. It was almost like she thought it was a slumber party and she was somehow missing out on it. Withing minutes she was asleep. Bailey was asleep in Logan's arms and Harrison fitfully sleeping in mine. Everyonce in awhile, they'd all start coughing. It was like being in a TB ward or something.

We sat there watching them sleep, listening to them cough for a while without talking. At some point, Logan asked me when it happened? When did what happen, I asked? When did we become the adults?

You know, I just don't know. I'm not sure when exactly it happened. When Morgan was a toddler and got sick in the middle of the night, I'd still look around for who this mommy of hers was. Why was she looking at me when she said it. I'm not sure when it happened, but I no longer look for her real mommy anymore. I am a grown-up. Logan and I are grown-ups. We have three children, a dog, a mortgage and car payments. In a month, we will have been married for ten years. We save for retirement and our kids colleges. We pay our bills on time and we get our carpets cleaned every now and again. We drink more coffee than alcohol and we enjoy going to bed at a reasonable hour. At some point, we became adults. We're just not sure when exactly.

I'll tell you a little secret though. I don't mind this life. The life of an adult with a family. In fact, I rather enjoy it.

The Lost Inauguration Commentary

Last night while watching the Inauguration and eating pizza and those tasty chocolate dunker things.

Morgan: There are more people there on the streets than at Disneyland on a Saturday.

*****

Bailey: Mommy you can't be president.

Me: Why not?

Bailey: Only little girls can live at the Big White House (The Big White House is what she always calls it) , they don't let little boys live there, cause they are too dirty and stinky. No Harrison's allowed.

*****

Logan: Michelle Obama is taller than Bush. There is a joke here, I'm sure of it.

Me: Yeah, but it's not short people friendly.

Morgan: Mommy, I'm the tallest in my class you know.

Me: Ok, fine then. It's not child friendly.

Morgan: What's that mean anyway?

Logan: It means I was going to tell a rude joke, but your mama is mean and won't let me.

*****

Bailey: Urethra Franklin has a crazy hat. Do you think she bought it at the Halloween store?

*****

Me: Oooohhhh I adore Itzhak Perlman. In my next life, I want to play as well as he does.

*****

Morgan: Why'd he stop saying the words?

Logan: Because the guy messed up and Obama knew it was wrong.

Morgan: He's a smart guy. He should have just said the right words.

Logan: That would have been rude though.

Bailey: And you are not aposed to be rude on TV.

*****

Logan: Iss, you really need to stop crying; you're worrying the baby. Look he's getting those little old man wrinkles on his forehead.

Me: He's POOPING. Here, you take him.

*****

Seriously, only five minutes later.

Me: Um babe, who's crying now?

Logan: I have an allergy. Yeah, an allergy to poop.

*****

At around 9pm, after she'd been asleep sitting up on the couch for half an hour.

Bailey: Is My Barack Odbana President now?

Logan: Honey, he has been President all day, remember? We clapped and jumped around for him? Your Mama cried.

Bailey: Okay, then I need to go to bed now.

Pause

Bailey: Daddy, my legs don't work. You're gonna have to carry me to bed.

*****

Me: Mariah really needs to find a new career.

Logan: Didn't you have her CD once.

Me: Yeah, when I was ten. You couldn't pay me to buy one now. Funny, but I think this song is from that same CD. Of course back then, she could hit half the notes.

*****

Logan: Babe, come here for a second.

Me: Give me a minute...

Logan: No, you've got to see this. Beyonce is wearing a whole dress. Girl looks good.

Me: I'll give her this much, she can sing. That is a nice dress though. Someone besides her mom must have dressed her today.

*****

Logan: Dam, Michelle looks hot. Oh shit, that was a good thing for him to say first. Yes, Mr. President, your wife does look dam fine.

Me: Ok, that's enough for tonight. No more fine babes for you.

*****

This morning:

Morgan: Mama, it was real, right?

Me: What was real?

Morgan: Barack Obama is our new president, right? It was real, not just a dream?

Me: Nah, it wasn't a dream, it was real. I promise.

Morgan: That's good. I'm proud of him.

Mme: Me too. Me too.

My best of 2008

I am not a big fan of New Years. I never really have been. One year I went to a rockin party and had an absolute blast. That was my favorite New Years ever!

I was eight years old though.

Truly, I'm not a fan of going out with the crazies, getting sloshed or the oh so lovely: see how many women are sobbing in the bathroom because they have no one to kiss at midnight.

The thing I like least about New Years is the resolutions. The lists that people make of things they intend to be better about in the New Year. The reason I despise this practice is simple: People never stick to their resolutions and then about mid-February everyone feels bad about themselves and gives up. Basically making resolutions is just another excuse for us all to fell bad about ourselves. I am good enough at feeling guilty, I don't need to make a resolution to do so in a month or two.

Instead, I'm going to make my best of 2008 list. My favorite post, one (or three, whatever) for each month I've been blogging.

ISSA'S Favorites of 2008:

July: Things not to say to a pregnant woman. That's a decaf latte, right? Actually bitch it's not. I just heard this in Starbucks. Literally half an hour ago. Like it's any ones business. Today I decided that I can't do decaf anymore. I'm just not sleeping and I needs me some caffeine. So real coffee here I am, I've missed you.

August: The cracked ceiling. My babies are six and a half and four years old. One wants to be a Supreme Court Judge and the other a Transformer. Funny, yes, but dream big is what I tell them.

Last night Hillary Clinton made history; she changed history for the better and I thank her for it. I want a better world for my children, a world that is safe and free, a world where there is no limit to what they can be.

September: Happy birthday Babe. On this day, every year, for as long as we've been together, I send my mother in law a gift. I call her and thank her for giving me the greatest gift in the world, for giving me her son. Because she raised one of the best men I know and she deserves to be told what an amazing job she did.

Small Harrison update. And plus, I had to stare at my son. My son, so strange to say, but so awesome.

October: Harrison Thomas. Harrison Thomas was born at 8:08pm, September 25th, 2008. He weighed 8 pounds, 6.4 ounces, was 20 inches long.

November: Ha, November was a good month for me, so I had to pick three.

We were playing doctor, really we were. What you didn't think I'd post all sweet and sappy ones did you?

Bittersweet Victory. Today is a happy day for the US. I am happy, I truly am. But there's a bitterness there too. An angry piece of me, that has no outlet. I just want to shake the world right now and say, these two belong together, how can you not see that?

Long lost parenting tips. I did the only thing I could think of, I pulled her into the bathroom and made her open her mouth and I shoved a small stick of soap in there.

December:

For my favorite posts of this month, I'm going to pick two of mine and one of someone else's. One of mine is from this month and one from August I believe. They are both about ADHD and how it affects our family. I think more people need to see the face of ADHD. To know the realities and see the truth behind some of the behaviors.

Instamom wrote a beautiful post (and oh how I love her for it) the other day about her son, Aaron: Removing the stigma.

"Because he is exceptional. And perhaps his ADHD makes him more so. He is incredibly creative, always coming up with inventions or plans to make life easier. He will sit and read for hours at a time. His writing and vocabulary blow me out of the water. I sometimes struggle to follow his thought processes, but I know now that it's not because they are wrong, but because they are different."

I have this feeling that Aaron and Morgan would get along really well.

Reality. The reality is that the world sees my child as a pain in the ass. Not all people, not people who know her, not even people who have been around a child with ADHD and know the signs. But to the majority of people.


Medicate or not, this is the question You know that saying, when she's good she's very, very good? Well that was Morgan. On her good moments, she was a doll; sweet, caring, loving and creative. On her bad moments, the Tasmanian devil on crack. Trouble was, we never knew what we were going to get. Unpredictable to the core. You could look at her wrong and she'd melt into a puddle of tears; tell her to put her shoe on and she'd throw a two hour tantrum; she was out of control. This was the first time we considered medicating her.


This month has been a hard month for me. I lost my grandmother, which only made me realize that I've not really grieved for my grandfather. The reality of these losses is just beginning to sink in. 2008 has been a long year. There have been great things, the most notable in my family being Harrison. I can not even begin to tell you how thankful I am for this little boy. My little boy. I could say it all day, every day, but it wouldn't be enough. I adore every single piece of his rolly polly little self.

But there's been a lot of grief as well. This year we lost three people in our family, my grandparents and Logan's grandma. We also have family that is struggling to make it. One with liver cancer, one with breast cancer and one with a bum heart. We're trying to think positively, but there may be some losses next year as well.

One of the things that I am thankful for the most for this year, is all of you. You have supported me and helped me, more than you could ever know. I appreciate each and every one of you.

I hope you all have a great New Years Eve. I'll talk to you next year.

How to tell if there is a blizzard, by Issa and Logan:

Issa:
There is snow.
It doesn't melt when it hits the ground.
Any snow accumulation over say three inches.
It looks all snowy and cold and icy from my window.
They spray the streets with some sort of no-stick stuff, but you still slide around.
It takes me an extra twenty minutes to get the girls to school to Starbucks in the morning.
I have to wear gloves and a hat.

Logan:
Last night there was not a blizzard.
You can't see because the snow is blowing so hard.
More than a foot of snow.
If you leave your house you can die.
We haven't had a blizzard yet this year.
In a REAL blizzard, school will be closed.
8 inches of snow does not mean it is a blizzard.
A blizzard is where snow and wind and something about temps begin low and blah, blah, blah. I am wrong and my wife is right. (I might have paraphrased this last one.)

Here's the thing, I am from Los Angeles. I was raised in West LA. My dad started teaching me how to surf at 4 years old. The beach was my playground. I only owned flip-flops and dress up shoes until I went to school and then was occasionally forced to wear real shoes. Every time I talk to someone and I tell them there is a blizzard, Logan has a fit at me. It's not a blizzard, it's barely snowing, he says. To me, the chick who saw snow maybe three times before I was ten years old; any amount of snow, seems like a blizzard. So we go back and forth on it. In the end we decided that he's a loser we just have to disagree on this one. He ignores me telling people that it's a blizzard and I ignore him teaching our kids about snow. I guess now that we live here, they should know about snow. Love the snow even. Me, I'll stay all nice and toasty in my house and ignore the blizzard.

UPDATE: It's on now. Logan has issued a public plee (through me, since lame boy can't type) to win. If you all think he is right, I have to buy him some new snowboard he wants. If I win, I get to go too BlogHer09 without listening to him whine about how hard four days with the kids will be. (Either way, I think I'm going, I asked Santa for the ticket, it's just how annoying he's gonna be about it.)

What do you think?

ISSA: 5 points

LOGAN: 12 points (including Mr. Big Dubya who just told me something on Twitter about 10 feet of snow and walking both ways to school uphill with no shoes. Or he said that I'm a bit mistaken. Whichever.) Also including my freaking parents and his parents. My mom is so not getting a gift now. :)

100 things

I have about five posts swimming around in my head right now: a post about being thankful; a post about my tiny boy being two months old; a post about my love of pie and a post about how I nearly killed a Best Buy employee today. None of which will probably get written. The problem is time. This is Thanksgiving weekend people. I have a houseful of people. My house is full of laughter, games, Wii competitiveness, shrieking little girls and food. Loads of food. We are a bit overstocked on food. We made an extra turkey, because my husband won one. It's Friday though and I'm already tired of turkey. Next weekend my baby girl is going to be seven years old and I've only half planned her party. We won't even discuss Christmas, because I'm likely to cry if I think of how much I have to do.

Moving on...

I used to have a blog before this blog. A lot of you knew me then, some of you didn't. Maybe you know that I used to blog and maybe you don't. For those who had no idea, I blogged for about a year and a half. Then I disappeared for about eighteen months and now I'm at my 100th post. Again. I sort of wish I'd saved that post, but I didn't keep much. Mostly the things I kept were letters written to my girls.

I know it's tradition to write 100 things about yourself for your 100th post. Everyone does it, it's the new black or whatever. But I'm not sure I can come up with 100 choice items about myself. Unless I start talking about my love of sour jelly beans, which I doubt you want to hear about.

Basically I'm going to be a thief. Insta-Mom stole an idea from AnyMommy. The 10 x 10 post; 10 lists of 10 things. Really it's a great idea. I'm glad I read these lovely women, so I can steal all of their great ideas. So, here I go....10x10, 100 things about me.

10 things I am grateful for this Thanksgiving:
1. My son. I knew I'd love him as much as his sisters, I learned this the second time around. I knew he'd change our family forever in amazing ways. But I didn't know that I'd adore him as much as I do. That I'd want to stay home with him. For him.
2. My girls. They are amazing and creative and the sweetest little people.
3. My husband.
4. My family being able to come together and have a great time.
5. A drama free Thanksgiving.
6. That we had a table full of tasty ass food.
7. Our new president.
8. That we didn't have a blizzard this weekend, which would have made it hard for people to get here. (Of course I started writing this about four hours ago. We now have at least 6 inches already.)
9. My warm toasty house and my warm toasty sheets on my bed. (did I mention the snow?)
10. For all of you. For those of you who comment, those of you who don't and those of you who I consider true friends.

10 things about my children:
1. Harrison is a talker. He talks to us all day long. He also smiles and giggles. I've enclosed proof at the bottom of this post.
2. Harrison is in 3-6 month clothes already. There is a poll on how much he weighs. My guess is 14 pounds, 2 ounces. He is only two months and is heavier than either of the girls were at six months. He's a chunky Buddha baby.
3. Morgan steals my cell phone, goes in the closet and calls family. Just to talk.
4. She too is a talker. If she'd ask, I'd gladly give it to her to do this. But I find it funny that she steals it, calls and then returns it. I hear about it later.
5. Morgan loves complete darkness when she sleeps. Bailey loves three night lights when she sleeps.
6. They share a room.
7. Morgan's bed has sheets around it, like a tent in the jungle.
8. Bailey is the best Wii bowler in this house. That is sad, considering she is only four.
9. All three of my kids are the loves of my life.
10. Although all three of them seriously could be replaced with those sleeping in kids that you hear about and I'd be thrilled.

10 things you might not have known about me:
1. I have Strabismis, which is lazy eye, in both eyes. The docs are not sure why my eyes focus together at all. Right now, because I am so tired, I am only using the left one. I cannot wear contacts, they make me want to gouge my eyes out with chopsticks or sporks.
2. I hate shoes and socks, but I love to buy both shoes and socks.
3. I am a speed reader. Which is good, considering my attention span these days, is 2.5 posts.
4. I say I am a horrible cook, but I'm really not. I can follow any direction. My thing though, is I want to be able to cook by memory and just throw ingredients in. That too me is a true cook.
5. I am named after two great-grandmas.
6. I have a love of names. I would love to write a book about names. If I cold figure out how to do it, I'd come up with a way to name babies for people. Some people seriously could use help with this.
7. I love to people watch and make up stories about the people I see.
8. I spend hours of my day trying to eat the cheeks of my babies.
9. I am scared to fly, although I will do it. But I'd rather drive two days, with my children, than get on a plane.
10. I cheat at Monopoly, but I've never cheated on anything else in my life.

My 10, all time favorite movies: (These are not in order. I'd be hard pressed to do that.)
1. Mary Poppins
2. While You Were Sleeping
3. The Grinch (Not the Jim Carey one.)
4. Willy Wonka
5. Beetle Juice
6. Michael
7. Indian Summer
8. Ocean's Eleven
9. 13 Going on 30
10. Empire Records

10 things that occupy my time, besides my chillins and my man:
1. Um hai, blogging
2. Twitter
3. Checking my email
4. Chatting with Kim
5. Reading
6. Photographing my children
7. Sudoku
8. Watching NCIS
9. Going through, sorting, scanning old photos
10. Trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life

10 things that made me fall for said man:
1. His smile
2. His ass (he made me say that)
3. His love and sweetness with his baby sister
4. The way he could crack the whole room up with a well timed joke
5. The fact that he thought before he spoke, so he was generally very thoughtful
6. His kindness and giving nature
7. The care and time he spent on his mother, grandmother and family
8. The fact that I could beat him at air hockey
9. That he was better than me at everything except air hockey and surfing
10. That he never cared that I was better than him at air hockey and surfing

10 places I want to see/do before I die:
1. Sydney, Australia
2. Walk the Golden Gate Bridge
3. Spend two weeks on a house boat in Lake Mead
4. Spend a month in a Tuscan Villa
5. Go to Greece with my mom
6. Spend a month on an island with just my husband
7. Go to the Summer Olympics
8. China
9. Ski in Switzerland
10. Find out where my dad's family was from in Poland and travel there.

The 10 songs that I am currently playing over and over again:
1. Days Like This by Van Morrison
2. Have a Little Faith in Me by John Hiatt
3. Where I'm From by John Michael Carroll
4. Lost by Michael Buble
5. Already Gone by Sugarland
6. It Won't be Like This For Long by Darius Rucker
7. Roll With Me by Montgomery Gentry
8. Piano Man by Billy Joel
9. Stay Down by Mary J. Blige
10. Here by Derek Sholl

My 10 favorite books off all time:
1. A Wrinkle in Time
2. All Harry Potter books
3. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
4. Fried Green Tomatoes
5. In the Time of the Butterflies
6. Their Eyes Were Watching God
7. Twelfth Night
8. To Kill a Mockingbird
9. The Lorax
10. The Giver

10 ways that I am probably a parenting oxymoron:
1. All three of my children were (are) only bottle fed. But I find breastfeeding to be a beautiful thing.
2. I swore no child of mine would ever sleep in my bed. Neither of the girls ever did. Harrison has since day one.
3. In LA I was prepared (and was) to spend a butt load of money on a fabulous private school. I thought it was so important. Here, my girls go to the "Hippie" public choice school. The programs? Not so different really.
4. I buy organic meat, dairy and veggies. But we have Oreo's, Cheetos and Fruit Roll-Ups in the panrty and my kids know the menu at way too many restaurants.
5. I want the kids to understand the meaning behind Christmas. We donate time, money and food. We pick kids off the Target tree and shop for them; we give to homeless people and we give our old clothes. However, there will be a ton of gifts for the kids.
6. I encourage them believing in the tooth fairy, magic and Santa Clause; but Santa only brings one or two small gifts. Mostly because I don't want that fat man too take away my glory.
7. I think education is a key. I am saving for college for each of my kids. But I went to college and I know the skills I've used in my career did not come from my education. They came from the college of life. If my kids choose not to go to college, I will support them in this choice. They will have to support themselves...but I'll be okay with their choice.
8. We use homeopathy, relaxation techniques and therapy with Morgan for her ADHD. I will medicate her, when and if it seems like the right thing too do, without a second thought.
9. I won't buy toys very often. In a bookstore, all bets are off. We have bookshelves throughout this house. They know I'm a sucker when it comes to books.
10. We limit sugar, TV, Wii time and encourage playing outside and sports. When they are being pains though, I hand them some candy and send them to watch some TV.

But hey, I think they'll be okay anyway.

See, my baby smiles: Harrison Thomas, two months and a couple of days old.


I hope you guys had a great Thanksgiving.

Can I tell you a few secrets?

You don't mind, do you? Yeah, I didn't think so.

1. I adore the holidays. Some people tolerate them, some just like them, some people despise them. Me I adore them. Thanksgiving, Christmas and everything in between. The music, the food, the baking, buying gifts. Hell, I even love to wrap gifts. I love to decorate the house and I love having a house full of people, which I will in a few days. The details, the small things that drive people crazy about having a house full of people? I thrive on that type of chaos. Basically, I'm certifiably insane.

2. I'm thinking about staying home this time around. You know, with Harrison. By this time with both of the girls, they were in daycare. I was getting up every morning, getting dressed in real clothes, without spit-up or coffee stains on them and going to my big office in the sky. I dropped them off at 9am and Logan picked them up at 4pm. I loved that life. I loved the free-ness it gave me; the money I made and the security I felt. But when I look at this tiny boy of mine, I can't imagine putting him in daycare. Now too be fair, if I make this decision (which I don't technically have to make until the end of January), he won't go too daycare. He'll go to my best friends house and chill with her all day. Still, I don't think I want to do that. I think I want to stay home with him; be home with my girls; never have to scramble to find someone to take them on days off school, nor put them in summer camp when school is over. Don't tell anyone though, okay?

3. Logan and I have already started talking about having another baby next year. We're not quite to that point yet. But we have pretty much decided that in about six months or so, we're going to try again. We don't want there too be four years between Harrison and a baby. I am not getting any younger and if we want any more, we need to get on that sooner than later. Plus, we kinda like little babies. We'd forgotten how much we like little babies.

So, that's all I've got. This week will be short around here, because of the craziness that will start at my house Wednesday morning. There is still time left to enter the name the photo contest below. If you haven't looked at the comments, you really should, they are all freaking funny. You have until tonight to enter; I'll announce the winner tomorrow.

Friday Facts, take one

1. My lovely son is trying to mess with my mind. He has woken up between 6:15 and 6:25 every single morning since he was two days old. This is the one time that has remained consistent. As strange as it sounds, I cherish this time with him. Logan is in the shower, the girls are sleeping. It's the one time, the one feeding that is never interrupted by anyone. So we sit and rock and he munches and we just look at each other. After this, he goes back to sleep for another hour or two and then the day has really started. This morning I woke up at 6:20. I waited, I listened; nothing. Logan took his shower and got dressed and went to make coffee. Still nothing. He came back and said, what happened, why didn't he wake up? Well, I just have no clue.

But see, the boy has me trained and now he's changed his mind. Meaning, I couldn't go back to sleep at all. He woke up at 7:45. He ate, amidst his sisters craziness. He still hasn't gone back to sleep. This is okay, it really is. I am sure I will enjoy that extra hour or so of sleep. But it makes me wonder what our day will be like now. What else he thinks he's going to change. Not even a month old (until tomorrow, post coming) and he's messing with me. I'm in trouble.

2. My mom and step-dad are coming today. They'll be here for a week or so. I'm so thrilled. But it means I have to pick up my house today. Maybe get some laundry done. Or I can sit and veg out and maybe my mom will help me. I know it's bad, but that will probably win out.

3. Failblog.org is cracking me up this week. Not as funny as, I can has cheeseburgers or I can has hotdogs, but still extremely funny. This one, had me rolling on the floor last night.


see more pwn and owned pictures

4. Last night, Logan and I went on our first date night, since Harrison was born. Leaving the girls, not a problem. Leaving the baby, ouch. Our sitter is amazing and when we got back, she said, he was awake for a while and he was fine, but he kept wrinkling his eyebrows while looking at her, like who are you lady? We just went out to eat and walked around the mall, but it was still fun. Adult time, adult conversations and no chocolate milk had to be ordered at dinner. Success.

5. For some reason, I always feel like I should have a t least five things when I do this. But today, I really don't. That's all she wrote folks.

Have a great weekend. I am working on a post for my month old tomorrow newborny. Sob. But with my parents coming into town, it probably won't go up until Monday.

He's trippin

Scene: Me and Logan laying on our bed. Harrison in between us, sleeping like only babies and kids do, all draped out.

Logan: Dang babe, we made one awesome kid.

Me: I know, he's a real keeper this one.

Logan: It's probably a good thing we didn't have him first.

Me: Why?

Logan: Because we'd be like the Duggars with twenty kids by now.

Me: You are flipping insane, you know this right?

Logan: I don't think so. I'm pretty confident in my statement.

Me: Well then you need to have your head examined. In our vows, there was a clause.

Logan: Oh yeah, which one was that?

Me: The, Issa ain't having more than four babies clause.

Logan: I'm pretty sure it said six* babies at least.

Me: Hmm, well that's debatable, but it didn't say a dam thing about 20.

Logan: We'll see.

Me: Maybe you should change the clause for your next wife.

Logan: No, I'll just have Emmy** amend ours.

Me: Dude, she'd lock you up in a nut house if you told her you wanted 20 kids.

Logan: Only because she hasn't met Harrison yet.

Me: Honey, he's only a week old. Give him time. Let's talk about this again when he's two, okay.

Logan: Fine, but my answer will be the same.

Me: Yes, but it's still gonna be the wrong answer.***

*We have gone back and forth on this since we got married. He has always wanted six kids and I've always said four. We'll see how it ends up eventually. Honestly if we can afford it and I can manage it, I'm not sure that I'd mind six one day. Like if we have one more in a year or two and then do it again in four or five more years? Who knows? Harrison being this awesome has screwed up my thinking temporarily too.

**Emmy is one of our best friends. She's a criminal attorney, with no husband and no kids and she plans on it always being that way. The no kids part at least. She would commit Logan.

***I won! Of course it is my blog and I can put on here what I want. But I did win this time.

Happy birthday babe

29 years ago toady a baby was born. A big (seriously 9.7 pounds) chubby adorable bald baby with one piece of black hair on the top of his head. I have been told he looked like a mini Homer Simpson, just cuter. When I met this boy he was a gangly but still dam cute fourteen year old brat. He walked into my freshmen English class and I fell instantly in love. Lucky for me, the teacher sat him right next to me. We proceeded to flirt for an entire 55 minutes, then I promptly asked him if he wanted to ditch with me and my friends and go to the beach. Yes, of course, he said. The rest is history. By the end of the week, this boy and I were dating. Later, we'd marry and then we'd live happily ever after.

hahahha...I always wanted to write that last line. Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

I've loved this man, for as far back as I can remember. I don't remember when it hit me that I loved him, but it wasn't too long after we met. I've loved him through good times and bad, through heartaches and joy. I've never fallen out of love with him, but every once in a while, I fall more in love with him. When I watch him cuddle on the couch with our girls, or pick one of them up and carry them into someplace just so he can hold them, even though they can walk; I love him more. Last night when my brother called in a panic because he was $300 short on his rent, and my husband said, wire him the money, but wire him a cushion too, I fell more in love with him. When he talks to our unborn son and gets all teary eyed when he says he can't wait to hold him, I fall more in love. I look at him and I can picture him walking our girls down the isle one day, teaching our son to drive, sitting with me on the front porch when we're old, talking about the good ole days. It's something I have been thinking about lately, how much I adore my husband. Something about having a baby, a son, has made me realize how grateful I am. I hope our son is just like him, I pray our son is just like him. Nothing would make me happier.

On this day, every year, for as long as we've been together, I send my mother in law a gift. I call her and thank her for giving me the greatest gift in the world, for giving me her son. Because she raised one of the best men I know and she deserves to be told what an amazing job she did.

We've had a hard year and a half, but it's starting to get back to normal. There are great things happening right now and also some sad things, but I know we'll be okay. He took care of me when I needed him....he took care of us all and I can never thank him enough for the way he did it. All I can do is pray I never fall apart like that again. But I know he'd hold the pieces together anyway. I know I'd do the same for him.

Yesterday or the day before Logan said something about us saving the baby stuff this time, saving it for the next baby. The next baby, I said? You're crazy man, you keep that thing away from me, is what I said to him. But really, there will probably be one more. Because honestly, I adore making and having babies with the man.

Anyhow....to my love, my heart, the father of my children: Happy birthday. Dude, you're older than me for the next 8 months. I win....haha.

Love me some pain meds

Half an hour after taking the pain meds:

Me: Hey Morgan what song am I singing? Sings: Together we can. Shoot the moon, stop the rain even ride a hurricane, If we wanna. Together we can. Walk into space, save the human race, do you think we oughta, oughta?

Morgan: The Cheetah Girls.

Me: I am, you're sure?

Morgan: Yeah mama. I thought you didn't like their music?

Me: Well now I love them! They are my favorite! Who are they again?

An hour after taking the pain meds:

Morgan: Mommy can I have a Coke?

Me: Oh sure dooode, whatever.

Morgan: Mommy I love when you are on drugs.

Oops. Hmm, might not have been the best plan to tell the chicks about that.

Two hours after taking the pain meds:

Bailey: Mommy will you tell us a story?

Me: Sure but a short one, cause Daddy already read to you.

Once upon some times, there was a girl, no two girls...and they went to a hoppin party, oh I mean the library...to meet some studs, I mean to learn about the life of science and um....they wanted to...oh where was I? OK so these boys came over and then they....you know what, it's too late for a story tonight. I love you, now go to bed.

Three hours after taking the pain meds:

Me: Honey, I think we should have sex.

Logan: Whatever you're smoking, you should share with the class.

Me: Babe the other day you were bugging me. Come on, it'll be fun.

Logan: Till I break you and have to take you to the ER.

Me: How will you break me?

Logan: Who knows? By looking at you for too long or something. Breathing in your direction maybe. That ship has sailed honey.

Me: Doooode. Did you know that the human brain weights like 6 tons?

Logan: Ok, time for bed.

Me: The chicks are sleeping.

Logan: No love, I meant you.


I feel kinda bad for my husband. But that dam pain med made me drunker than I've ever been. In fact, today I'm hungover.

The moving story

I’ve been thinking about how to tell you all about what’s been going on in the last oh…18 months? Has it been that long? Dam I can’t even remember. POW, do you remember? I know you said you were leaving right after I did…sad that I may have to look at your archives to know for sure. Anyway, a lot has happened. Some good, some fucking awful. I guess I’ll start today with the move, since that’s what everyone keeps asking me about.

I know for a self professed LA snob, it seemed at one point like I’d never leave California. Trust me, no one was more shocked that me when it happened. We’d been spending all of our vacation time in Colorado for the past few years. Hanging out with family, roller blading, jet skiing, boating, camping (bleh), hiking (puke), biking; this city is great for all of that and much more. Logan’s from here, his family lives here, like his entire family, except for his parents and sister. His parents are planning on “retiring” here in a year or two. I put that in quotes, since I know they won’t actually retire, they’ll just do what they do somewhere here. There’s a lot to do here and we’ve always loved it. Summer sports, winter sports and all of the cousins alone made it a great place to be.

Last year when we were out for Memorial weekend, I guess a few of Logan’s cousins got together with him and asked him to be a partner in his business. It’s something he’s always wanted to do, to have his own business, but he was awhile away (like say ten years) from being able to do that in LA. There’s just a lot more risk involved in LA right now. He told them he’d think about it, that he’d love to, but he doubted I’d move. He also told them, he’d want to bring our best friends and have our friend James work with them too. They agreed. So the guys got together and discussed it, at great length I’ve heard. Not about if they wanted to, but how best to break it to their wives, me and Kate, my best friend. They went with her first, mostly because she’s a push over. Then the three of them came to me.

At first I was adamant that there was no way in hell I’d even think about it. I was pissed that he went behind my back, pissed that he’d gotten Kate and James involved and pissed at the whole thought of it. Then reality started setting in. The reality of our life in LA and how INSANE it was. The reality of the amount of hours I was working, just to afford the lifestyle we had created in LA. The reality of sending my kids to private school, just so I’d feel like they were getting the best education possible. Private school doesn’t come cheap. I had to weight the pros and cons. Cheap vs. expensive. Public vs. private. Clean air vs. orange skies. The list went on and on and on. What sold me was the thought that I could spend more time with the kids, that we’d have more family time; that the baby that I was carrying (story for another day) could be born in a place that was relaxed. That I wouldn’t need to put it in day care at 8 weeks. That my girls could ride their bikes outside.

I was sold, we were moving. I told Logan, well let’s put the house on the market and see if it sells. We had a contract on it in 48 hours, which was great because I didn’t have to try and keep it clean for months on in. Unfortunately, they wanted it in 6 weeks and they’d pay extra for that. We found an apartment to live in temporarily out here and we packed our shit and moved.

It’s been a huge adjustment, I won’t lie to you. Some days (often) I’d kill to sit on the beach and watch the waves crash. I miss the friends we left behind. I miss my family that’s out there and dam it they don’t all just want to pack up and move out here too. I miss LA: the food, the weather, the life that I lived. But I’m getting used to this lifestyle too. There’s enough city out here that I feel okay. There’s clean air and “traffic” to the people out here is laughable. Sorry, but you don’t know traffic, until you’ve been on the 405 in rush hour, which is to say, all the dam time. Hell, there are songs written about the traffic on the 405.

The end of summer was rough, for reasons I’ll get in to later. Fall was a bit better; I loved the weather and the easiness of life. I love that my kids can be outside and that they have friends in the neighborhood. Winter was well….snowy. Did you know it snows often in winter? Maybe if I’d been writing, one of you could have warned me about that. I love me some snow; you know, when I want to ski or snowboard, not all the dang time. But I’ll get used to it one of these years, I’m sure.

So we’re here and we’re here to stay. It’s worth it, for Logan’s business, for my kids; for our finances. Me, I’m still a bit lost here. I haven’t found my groove. The company I worked for in LA shut down the Denver office, about a month before we moved. I’m working part-time doing bookkeeping for a guy, but it’s not something I plan on doing long term. I’ve written (well half written) a parenting book, that I’m trying to get an agent for, but no luck so far. So I’m just here, waiting to see what to do next. All I know is that, I needed to blog again. To write again, even in these last few days has made me feel so much better. It’s nice to put my thoughts somewhere, as they take up a ton of space in my head all the time. I’ve missed this, I really have.