Answers, get your red hot answers

First off, I love these questions. You people are way more entertaining than I ever could be. Seriously. Thank you for humoring me and helping me to have something to write about. I needed it. Obviously I'm going to be gone for the weekend, but hopefully I will have much too write about when I get back. Five days with my step-mom tends to do that too me. Secondly, I love you all for what you said to anonymous. I can't tell you what it means to me, to have such amazing friends. I have decided to answer the asshat. Not because I think I should, but because I have something to say to it. Yes, all asshats are hereby, it's. They don't have a name, they don't get treated with respect.

So here we go:

Kirsten: Name your favorite thing about each of your kids. I love that Morgan is so inquisitive and independent. I adore the way she yearns for knowledge and I absolutely love her sense of humor. Bailey is about the sweetest person anyone could ever hope to meet. She is loving and kind and giving. I love snuggling with her on the couch for hours. She knows no stranger and the world is her friend. She's also old for her years, she understands more about people than some adults do. Harrison, god i adore everything about him. He is a serious little dude and that is kinda fun. I love trying to make him smile, even though it can take hours. I also love how easy going he is.

How did your husband propose? Um...he didn't, I did. I asked him if he'd marry me. We were in Santa Monica, it was like 2am and we were swinging on the swings. I asked him. He said yes and the we went and bought rings the next day. Sweet, simple, easy.

What did you have for dinner last night? A egg, bacon and cheese sandwich. With some fruit salad. We are big on breakfast for dinner around here. (I answered this on Wednesday of last week. Sorry, it's been a rough couple of days in my world. Last night, I had dinner with Maura and there was cake.)

Instamom: Knowing that you just got back from Hawaii, what I want to know is where in the world you would most like to visit and what you would like to do there. I'd love to go to Italy and see it all. Spend months there or even a year. I'd love to rent a villa in Tuscany and learn Italian. I'd love to visit every art museum in Rome and ride gondolas every day for weeks in Florence. I adore Italy; the country, the people, the food.

Kari: What song could you listen to over and over and over, and.... This is a hard one, because I always have a CD full of songs that I can listen to over and over to in the moment. But always? Um anything ever sung by James Taylor. Or the Dixie Chicks. Or Dreamland by Mary Chapin Carpenter, which is what I sing to my babies at night.

J from Ireland: What would you do if you won the lottery? Move to Italy for a year? Buy a house in Malibu on the beach, a condo in Hawaii and maybe an apartment in New York. I'd pay off my dad's house and buy my siblings each a house and a car. Then, I'd donate a ton of it and save the rest.

Anonymous: are you on meds? Yes, in fact I am. I have a lot to say to you anonymous, but I know it would all go over your head. After the weekend that I've had, I just can't address this like I had planned. But please hear this: medications are not a magic pill. I still have the propensity to get depressed, maybe just not as often or as bad. When I needed them the most, I was thrilled to have them. It made it where I could get outta bed, take care of my children, shop at the grocery store. My depression was a symptom of my life in the moment, but that doesn't mean it magically went away with the meds. Meds do not take away all of your symptoms, just makes them more manageable. If I am too depressing too you; not entertaining enough, please just go away. This is my blog about my crazy world. I don't need your attitude or harshness.

Anymommy: What movie(s) have you watched more than twice? Why? If I love a movie, I can watch it all the time. Favorites include: 13 Going on 30, Mary Poppins, Oceans 11, The Incredibles, Transformers and National Treasure. Why? Because I am a creature of habit. I can enjoy it as much the first time as I do after 25 times.

Jaden: If you could teach yourself something, what would it be? Italian. I have always wanted to learn Italian. I find it to be the most beautiful language. But I am horrible at languages. Flunked out of Spanish and was kicked out of French in High School.

If you could go on a vacation- any vacation- and take one person- BUT it couldn't be your hubby or kids, who would you take and where would you go? I would love to go on a girls trip with some of my lovely bloggy friends. If I win the lottery one day, I will make this happen.

And last... If you were a candy, what would you be and why? Sour jelly beans. Because they are sweet and sour and you are never quite sure which it's going to be.

Maura: If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? A maple. I find them to be gorgeous and always changing. They are my absolute favorite tree. They are big and strong and they are survivors.

Note to self....

It is imperative that you close the full bottle of milk, prior to putting into your purse for safe keeping.

Signed,
Your soggy, not sure her iPod or cell phone works, milky pursed self.


ps. You still have one more day to ask me any question you want. I'll answer them all tomorrow. I love the ones I've gotten, except for the troll, who I still may answer.

pps. I'm going to North California tomorrow until Tuesday, to visit my dad and the dreaded step-monster. I hope you all have a great weekend.

Writer's block, I has it

I open up this page and look at it for twenty minutes before just closing it down and thinking to myself maybe later. I open my email and want to respond to people; I open each email and read them and think, I know I should respond to this, but I don't. I open Twitter and can't think of a thing to say. I get text messages from friends that I don't answer. I "lost" my phone yesterday just so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone on it.

I am blocked. I am lost in my head right now. Maybe it's Spring fever, seeing how its freaking snowing. Again. Maybe it's trepidation at the thought of visiting my dad and step-mom this coming weekend. Maybe it's, well who knows. All I know is, I'm just not in the writing mood, nor the talking mood. All my words are used up in talking to my children.

I know, you all say, just don't post when you don't want to and in theory that is great. But BlogHer Ads has a post requirement. Also, if I don't post, I feel worse. The longer I go, the more I wonder if I ever will find my voice again. I know this blog has sucked lately. I know I haven't written anything worthwhile in a month at least. I am thrilled any of you come back at all.

Here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to use the old blogging standby. Ask me any questions you want. Anything you want to know, anything you think I haven't told you. Whatever you want. I'll do my best to answer them in a few days. Maybe this will help me find my voice again.

Just to get that post down a bit

I am not going to apologize for my post yesterday. I don't regret it. While a tad of the over-dramatic side, I meant every bit of it. Yesterday. It's been called naked blogging, not because I was nekkid, but because it was real, raw, emotional and a bit embarrassing. I've gone back and forth on just taking it down and decided against it. You guys get the real me here. May not be pretty, may not be entertaining, but it's me. Thank you to all of you for your sweet comments, it meant the world to me.

Today is a different day. A better day. Filled with sunshine and unicorns. Ok, maybe not, but it's a heck of a lot better than yesterday. I knew I needed to post something today, just so you all know that I'm not taking down this site. So, I looked around and found a meme that I decided to do. The couples meme, is I think what it's called. I stole it from Mothergoosemoouse who I believe stole it from Dooce.

THE COUPLES MEME:

What are your middle names?

Mine is Ann, or Anne, depending which of my parents you ask. Never let your husband fill out a birth certificate, when he can't spell a simple name. Was supposed to be Anne, after my great-grandma. Is Ann, because my dad can't spell. Funnily, he has since that day, spelled it Anne. Logan's (who remember isn't Logan really) is Owen.

How long have you been together?

We met in September 1994. Married, March 1999.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

Like three hours. Seriously.

Who asked whom out?

I asked him out. In fact, I asked him if he'd like to ditch the last half of our first day of Freshman year and go surfing.

How old are each of you?

We are both 29. I turned 29 on Monday and he'll be 30 in September. I tease him all the time for being so much older than me.

Whose siblings do you see the most?

His brother I guess, but only because he has a love of skiing. My brothers live in San Francisco. His brother and sister both live in Los Angeles.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

Remembering to make time for us. Remembering that everything is temporary, that he won't be working long hours forever, that I won't always be sitting around just waiting for someone to talk too.

Did you go to the same school?

Yes. We are big ole nerds like that.

Are you from the same home town?

No. I was born in Los Angeles, him Denver.

Who is smarter?

We are smart in different ways, if that makes sense.

Who is the most sensitive?

Depends on the day. We are both capable of hurting each others feelings without meaning too. On the cry at movies type of sensitive, um me.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Go out to eat as a couple? Are you freaking kidding me? I have no clue, because we love to try new restaurants. Plus, hai, we are never alone. Three kids, remember? Our stand-by when we can't decide, or agree, is California Pizza Kitchen.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Italy. We went for a week after we got married.

Who has the craziest exes?

Neither. We were High School sweethearts. Although if you ask him about me and Nathan and a game of truth or dare under a trampoline, he wants to do bodily harm.

Who has the worst temper?

Me, hands down. I am the screamer, the arguer, the coffee mug thrower. But he has his moments.

Who does the cooking?

Me mostly, although we eat out a lot. He's a better cook than I am. But his mom is a chef, so he learned how to cook at a very young age.

Who is the neat-freak?

Morgan? Neither one of us are neat freaks. The only neat freak in this house is seven years old. I hope it lasts, when she is a teen. She loves to clean and do dishes. However, she hates doing laundry, folding laundy, putting laundry away...

Who is more stubborn?

I'm a Taurus. Enough said.

Who hogs the bed?

Logan does, completely. But he's freaking 6'4. I constantly wake up and move his limbs off of me at night.

Who wakes up earlier?

He does, at five am. Have I mentioned the insane amount of hours he has been working lately?

Where was your first date?

I have no freaking idea. Venice Beach Boardwalk probably. Dude we were 14, we considered it all one big date.

Who is more jealous?

Neither one of us has ever been a jealous person.

How long did it take to get serious?

Oh hai, um a day? Ok, not like that. Dirty minded people. But the, he told me after a day, that he knew we'd get married one day.

Who eats more?

He does. Needs a third leg probably. Or has one hidden that I am not seeing.

Who does the laundry?

Me. If I waited for him to do it, I'd walk around nekkid.

Who’s better with the computer?

Me. He's kind of computer illiterate.

Who drives when you are together?

He does. And I gripe at him the whole way.

Uncertainty

Some days I wonder why I keep doing this. Why in the world do I continue to write in this space when it seems like no one reads it and I can't see why it's interesting enough for anyone to care. My days of this feeling tend to pass and they don't come that often. Mostly it has to do with my mood in the moment, which frankly sucks right now. I am in a funk, have been for two days at least. Plain and simple, I am just a bit of a mess.

It makes me question everything. Question things that I know to be true. Question who I am and what in the hell I am doing with my life. I wonder if I am putting too much out into the world, too little maybe; is this blog not worthwhile, because I refuse to put pictures of my children on it? Because I don't join everything there is to join, to get my name out there? Do I want my name out there? Too many questions and no answers. I am full of uncertainty today.

Then this morning, two things happened, which have changed my mood a bit. A lovely friend asked me if she could submit a post of mine to BlogHer for a community panel. I was shocked. I was thrilled. Frankly, I'm a bit terrified. But it made me think about this place and what I write here, what I share with you all.

I also read the most beautiful letter over at AMomTwoBoy's place. It made me realize why I do this. I do it for all of you, this community that I am a part of. This community had joined together these past few weeks. In the face of tragedy for a family, we've all tried to make a difference. I've seen more love and support in the blog world in the past month, than I have seen in the past few years. Two weeks without trolls, two weeks without arguments, two weeks filled with love and grief. Love for Heather and Mike, for Maddie and for each other. Grief at the loss of a beautiful angel, grief for her parents left behind; grief at the uncertainty that is life.

This is a small part of the email at Meghan's place, which please when you have a second, go read it in full. It is very moving.

Through that reading, I’ve quietly (except when I comment) gotten to know so many… strangers. People that for the most part have no clue that I’m reading and getting to know them, but these people are an important part of my day, my thoughts, my values and ultimately – my life.

Today I needed to see this letter. To remind myself why I continue to do this. I do it for all of you. For people who are, to an outsiders point of view, strangers. To us though, it's not like that. We are friends, family, community. This community is a huge part of my life. For every friend I've met (or well, will meet), for every blog I read, for those of you who comment and those who never do; I consider you my friends.

Today, instead of doubt, I will remember how important this space is to me. I will remind myself why I do this. Remind myself that I am okay, that my family is okay and that is worth it's weight in gold. I will try my hardest to not be the complete spaz who considers taking down a blog for absolutely no reason.

Taking the easy way out

I'm having a hard time writing something here. Part of it is the overload of things to say, yet not wanting to talk about any of it. Part of it is wanting Maddie's picture on the first page as long as possible, because I know it should be there. Part of it is just writers block I guess.

I'm going to take the easy way out and post random thoughts about my life right now. 29 of them in fact, because tomorrow (Monday) is my birthday. My 29th birthday. Ha, inventive, no? Ok, maybe I stole it from Kari at I left my heart at preschool. Either way, here it goes.

1. For some reason, it hasn't really registered that it is my birthday. I don't really care either way.
2. I changed my site to purple for Maddie. What do you think? I'm loving it.
3. I am heartbroken for Heather and Mike.
4. Hawaii is awesome. But I didn't really enjoy it that much. It had nothing to do with the Hawaii part.
5. I managed to read the Insta-Book Club book while in Hawaii.
6. I also read two others, one of which was Dooce's book, which I really thought was great.
7. I watched more TV and was on the computer way more than was planned while on my trip.
8. I did see dolphins though.
9. Harrison is a full on crawler. Which means, my sitting around on the computer days are numbered.
10. My best friend is going to start keeping him in the mornings for me. I have some things I want to accomplish before the girls are out for the summer, so this was the best plan.
11. Last week, for a birthday surprise dinner for me, my MIL made strawberry shortcake, with real shortcake. It might have been the best thing I've eating in my life.
12. I am not over the time change yet. I tried to stay on Denver time...but no go.
13. I am having a really hard time right now. In life and with this list.
14. I just played all of my letters in a game of Scrabble on Facebook. Is the first time that has ever happened.
15. I am going to have carrot cake for my birthday cake.
16. I wish I could have my MIL's strawberry shortcake tomorrow.
17. My couch has gotten really uncomfortable. It's about five years old, which might not be bad, except for the amount of abuse it has gotten in those five years. My kids? Not exactly gentle on furniture. We spent half the day looking at new furniture.
18. Holy crap this is a long list. Can I claim being 20?
19. Food Network, Cake Challenge is one of my families favorite shows right now. Close up there is Ace of Cakes, Unwrapped and Chopped.
20. I truly want a cake right this second.
21. I got my first pedicure of the spring today. Spring is a word I am using lightly since it was snowing yesterday.
22. In the last week and a half, I have "met" some amazing bloggers.
23. I like pineapple.
24. My kids had a blast with their two sets of grandparents.
25. They did more in a week ad a half than I wold have thought possible.
26. I missed them every second of the time I was away. But I'm thrilled that they had fun.
27. I finally got through my Google Reader....but I didn't comment on 89% if it. I did read though, I swear.
28. 28 has been an interesting year. There was good, bad and the down right fugly. Harrison is the shining moment of my last year.
29. I am convinced this year is going to be great. Please let it be amazing. Please.

Guest post #2 - Alissa

Alissa, from Life's Little Adventures, is one of the first friends I made in the blog world. She's also one of the first people I looked up when I started this blog. When she isn't chasing after her sons, Nick and Drew, she is busy cutting up dead animals (serious, it's her job...or something like that) and taking beautiful photos that make me tell her she should be a professional photographer. I’ve read her posts ever since I started checking out this lovely blogosphere, and she never fails to inspire me. I’d feel lucky to have Alissa as a friend and even more luck that she said that she'd do this guest post for me.


OK, from what I understand Issa is writing little intros about all of her guest bloggers, so I shouldn’t have to introduce myself. But, just in case, I’m Alissa, from Life’s Little Adventures. I’ve known Issa online for a few years now…we lost touch there for a bit but I am so happy to have found her again. She’s fantastic, isn’t she?

Anyway, she put out a request for guest bloggers, and without even thinking I volunteered. That was awhile back, and it suddenly occurred to me that I’d best get on the ball and write something! And then I started thinking Hey! Why in the world did I agree to be a guest blogger? I’m hard-pressed to write anything on my own blog these days that’s not whiny and annoying…what makes me think I can do better for Issa?

And then I decided…I’d let my boys write the post. I figured I’d ask them for advice for Issa on raising her new baby boy, seeing as she’s got two girls and just now has been introduced to the marvel that is baby boys. So, here we go:

Me: Boys, tell me some things that are important to know when taking care of a baby boy.

Nicky: Feed it a lot!

Drew: Boys are tougher than girls.

Nicky: He needs to keep short hair. Only girls should have long hair.

Nicky: Always poke it down when you’re changing his diaper.

Drew: Yeah! And, be sure not to dress him in pink. Pink is girly.

Drew: Boys are very cool. Remember to be nice to him.

Nicky: And don’t forget to tell him you love him lots!

Drew: How old is the baby boy?

Me: A couple of months…

Drew: Can he walk yet?

Me: Oh, no.

Nicky: Well, remember that when he can walk he’ll be wild and crazy!

So, Issa, while you’re off enjoying a wonderful vacation alone in Hawaii with your darling hubby, we’ll hold down the fort here. And it appears that, should you ever need another babysitter, my boys are more than capable of taking care of your little guy.

Remember Maddie

Today two people who I have come to adore this year are having to do the unthinkable: they are burying their daughter today. Beautiful angel baby Madeline. No parent should have to go through this. No parent should ever have to bury their child. I can not even imagine.

I read THIS and I bawled. I have never seen such bravery from a grieving person in my entire life. Today my heart is with Heather and Mike. Today my heart is in Los Angeles. At 2:30pm, pacific time, the service is being held for Maddie. Please think a positive thought for Heather and Mike at that time. Today please think of Madeline Alice Sphor.

Madeline Alice

UPDATE NUMBER 3: I know this has been a hard week for the blogging community. Everyone wants to help, but most of us don't know how we can. I know the economy sucks right now. But I have a request. Maddie's mom Heather was laid off last year. Her dad Mike is in a relatively new job and is taking time off right now to deal with the loss. They are looking at a $7,000 bill for the service and reception next week. This family needs our help. You can send a dollar, or five. Whatever you can do would help. The link HERE is for paypal. The money goes directly to Heather and Mike. Please help. This is something we can do for them. It won't bring her back, it won't make their hurt any easier, but it may make their worry a bit less. Thank you.


Last night, the beautiful and amazing Maddie passed away. I am heartbroken, having just read those words in an email. I don't have any details, except that yesterday she was in the hospital and last night on Twitter, Meghan was saying they were having to put her on a ventilator. Unfortunately her lungs just couldn't handle it. For any more details, check in with Meghan later.

I have no more words. Today is for Maddie. You will never be forgotten.


To Heather and Mike, my thoughts and prayers are with you both today.

ps. picture stolen from Meghan, who took it off of Heather's Flicker page. I just wanted everyone to see this beautiful angel.

UPDATE: For more info and places to donate, please see this post or go directly to Maddie's March of Dime's site. The family is asking for donations be sent there, instead of flowers. You have to hand it to the power of the Internet....Maddie's site has raise over $11,000 as of noon Denver time (8am Hawaii time). Yesterday, it was still around $3,000.

SECOND UPDATE: I had guest posts lined up this week and next. Lovely, amazing guest posters. I have decided to not post (or well have Maura post) any more of them until after the service for Maddie on Tuesday of next week. Any that don't get posted before I get back, will be posted, I swear. However, this week is about them; Maddie, Heather and Mike. There is updated information on the service at Meghan's site.

For Maddie, who will forever be in my heart.

Speaking From Experience

I think the first time I found Christina’s site, Fairly Odd Mother, was days before I shut down my first site. I remembering thinking dam, I wish I’d found this chick earlier. She seemed funny and sweet, despite her love of really bad television shows. When I came back to blogging, I made sure to track her down. And hey, she is sweet and funny and someone who I can’t wait to meet at BlogHer this summer...but the love for bad reality TV shows remains. I am thrilled that I managed to trick her into guest posting for me.

I'm very honored to be guest-posting at Issa's blog. I realize that many of you may not be all that interested in hearing from someone you don't know so I thought I'd tell you of the few things that Issa and I have in common:

* we both got married in 1999;
* we both got pregnant super fast after deciding "let's give it a go!";
* our three children came in rapid succession; girl, girl and boy (my oldest is 8, youngest is 4);
* we are both hopelessly cool (ha! ok, maybe Issa can claim this).

The one major difference, I'd say, is that I am (ahem) a bit older than Issa. While she is still flitting about in her 20's, I'm about to dance with #42, a number that is almost impossible for me to fathom.

I was known as a "late bloomer". Wonder why?



So, needless to say, I didn't really date in high school.

I also spent the bulk of my 20's living La Vida Loca (or a much less-exciting version of that). I was a "Career Girl" as my father so kindly put it. Sure, I dated, sometimes for a decent chunk of time, but nothing clicked until I was 29. I "finally" married when I was a week away from turning 32.

You may have heard my mother's sigh of relief?

Like the cliche, I spent my 20's being the bridesmaid, not the bride. Several times over.

Oh, and what a bridesmaid I was. I wore blue, pink, taffeta and fuzzy, hot black.



(I also spent my twenties growing, cutting and then growing my hair apparently)

Missing from that photo collage is even a little coral number for a wedding that never was.

Is it any wonder that, after so many weddings, so many dresses, I opted for a casual, simple wedding and let my sister pick out whatever she wanted to wear to be my Maid of Honor?

It now seems oh so long ago.

Issa, enjoy the rest of your twenties my dear. And dress well. Because when you are 40-something, you will find yourself digging through your photos for fodder for your blog. Trust me on this one.