Some days I wonder why I keep doing this. Why in the world do I continue to write in this space when it seems like no one reads it and I can't see why it's interesting enough for anyone to care. My days of this feeling tend to pass and they don't come that often. Mostly it has to do with my mood in the moment, which frankly sucks right now. I am in a funk, have been for two days at least. Plain and simple, I am just a bit of a mess.
It makes me question everything. Question things that I know to be true. Question who I am and what in the hell I am doing with my life. I wonder if I am putting too much out into the world, too little maybe; is this blog not worthwhile, because I refuse to put pictures of my children on it? Because I don't join everything there is to join, to get my name out there? Do I want my name out there? Too many questions and no answers. I am full of uncertainty today.
Then this morning, two things happened, which have changed my mood a bit. A lovely friend asked me if she could submit a post of mine to BlogHer for a community panel. I was shocked. I was thrilled. Frankly, I'm a bit terrified. But it made me think about this place and what I write here, what I share with you all.
I also read the most beautiful letter over at AMomTwoBoy's place. It made me realize why I do this. I do it for all of you, this community that I am a part of. This community had joined together these past few weeks. In the face of tragedy for a family, we've all tried to make a difference. I've seen more love and support in the blog world in the past month, than I have seen in the past few years. Two weeks without trolls, two weeks without arguments, two weeks filled with love and grief. Love for Heather and Mike, for Maddie and for each other. Grief at the loss of a beautiful angel, grief for her parents left behind; grief at the uncertainty that is life.
This is a small part of the email at Meghan's place, which please when you have a second, go read it in full. It is very moving.
Today, instead of doubt, I will remember how important this space is to me. I will remind myself why I do this. Remind myself that I am okay, that my family is okay and that is worth it's weight in gold. I will try my hardest to not be the complete spaz who considers taking down a blog for absolutely no reason.