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Friday, October 31, 2008

Trick or treat, you decide...

For the first time since the girls were old enough to go trick or treating, it was a really pleasant experience tonight. They have finally gotten to the ages where it's not just a big ole pain to get them ready to go out. They ate real food, with no arguments. One time of Logan telling them no candy until we got home and they stopped asking. I didn't have to remind them to thank people; neither of them had any problem waiting for each other and best of all, both of them are too old to be carried. Sure, my little witch (don't was her costume last year) on a unicorn, ditched her trusty unicorn, halfway though our route. But she's four and four year olds get really tiredy when carrying around all that dang candy. Plus we had the stroller with us and I was carrying the baby, so we had room for extra stuff. And unicorns...not really a light costume idea.

It was pleasantly warm. Our neighborhood is full of kids and tons of families had decorated their houses. Heck, there was even a family having a party, who gave all the kids a Sunny D and offered all the adults a beer. When we came home, the girls and our friends kids spent a bit of time exchanging candy, then we turned on The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and they all fell asleep.

All in all, a great Halloween.

Earlier today, I saw a photo contest going on, over at Parent Bloggers. I don't generally join in on their things, but come on, it's a photo contest, where the prizes are Blurb books, which is something I've always wanted to do. So, anyway, here are my entries:

The first one, I'm putting in the best photo contest, because honestly this might be one of my very favorite pictures of Bailey. Like Ever. She's hard to photograph, she acts like we're stealing her soul or something...and this picture, shows my true baby girl.

The second is for cutest costume, age 3 and up. Calling Dr. Morgan. Can't you just see her as a future surgeon?

The last one is for cutest costume, age two and under. Wanna treat? He's kinda sweet. We answered the door a few times with him in the bowl. One lady was like, oh I'd take him. Sorry lady, take your Snickers, this baby is all mine!

How was your Halloween?

Happy Halloween

Hey friends, I know it's been lame here in Issa-ville this week, but it's my moms fault. She's been here all week and she's kinda cool. So I like hanging out with her. I'm thrilled today is Halloween, I adore Halloween. We didn't do pumpkins, but the kids don't seem to mind. The rest of our Halloween traditions, we'll do all of those. Pizza, trick-der-treating, watching The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and then when the girls go to bed, we'll eat their candy and watch Hocus Pocus. Which is an awesome movie, that I just might let the girls watch tonight. We'll see how well they do.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great Halloween. I promise to post some pictures of the kids in their costumes tonight or tomorrow. You know, once I actually manage to take some pictures.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Glad we have that figured out

At the grocery store last night:

Bailey: Mama, when are we doing pumpkins?

Me: Well tomorrow you and sissy have that gymnastics party to go to...and then the next day is Halloween.

Bailey: So maybe on Saturday?

Me: Well I'm thinking we are too late this year. Saturday is after Friday, so it's after Halloween.

Bailey: Can we still trick-der-treat if we don't do the pumpkins?

Me: Oh yeah, definitely. There's no rule about that.

Bailey: I like pumpkins.

Me: I know you do, but we just waited too long this year. See how gross looking those ones are?

Bailey: Yeah, they are icky. Ok, but mama?

Me: Yeah?

Bailey: We have to see Santa okay? We can't miss Santa, cause I need new toys. Deal, mama?

Me: Ok, kiddo. That's a deal. We'll see Santa, I promise.

I freaking love this kid. She is a pain in the ass some times, like all four year olds can be, but she makes things so easy sometimes. So, ha, we're off the hook for pumpkins. Yay me!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Dear LA,

I miss you. Do you miss me too? I know you have loads and loads of peeps there and one more little family probably wasn't a big deal. But seriously I miss you today. Like really, really miss you. Let me count the ways....

The beach. This could be five slots in my list, but I'll limit it to one. But oh how I miss your lovely beaches, ocean and tan mens playing volleyball. I even miss watching the crazies at Venice beach. It's weird, I know, but we took each of the girls on the way home from the hospital and dipped their newborny feet in the ocean. It was our way of cementing their love of the beach early on. But we can't do that with Harrison. I feel like I've failed him in some small way. We will have to make a trip out there before too long, just to dip my tiny boy in the ocean.

The sun and warmth. We have sun here, we do. It's an interesting thing how the sun is everywhere. But somehow, it's not a warm sun here, this time of year. It's rather chilly in fact. (Although Fall is actually a beautiful season.) Which unfortunately will soon be replaced with FRIGID. Frigid is not my favorite weather. The thought of your sunny weather right now, makes me a little sad.

Food. Oh I know we have food here. But sushi in Denver? It's just not the same. I really don't like any fish here. Because honestly, no matter what anyone says, fish that has to be flown in, is not fresh anymore. Sushi, oh how I miss my sushi. Spicy tuna rolls. Sigh. But fish is not the only think I miss. I miss the little hole in the wall Mexican restaurant that we went to at least once a week. The place so small that they didn't even take credit cards. But oh their food, it makes me drool just thinking about it. Noah's bagels, I miss them too. Bagels in Denver are kinda like chewy hockey pucks; not really worth the carbs. I miss going to Hamburger Hamlet for Sunday brunch. There are too many places to name, but I miss them all. Mostly I miss LA Bite. Because delivery dinners; much better than my dinners.

The Farmer's Market off San Vicente in Brentwood......oh how I miss you. Let's just say, it's hard to find anything but apples and more apples here, this time of year.

Celebrities. Ok, so I complained a lot about celebs when I lived in LA. Mostly because locations for shows or movies could pop up anywhere, with no moments notice. You could suddenly, not be able to get in your driveway, because they'd be shooting across the street. Or not be able to leave a store, because some celeb had shown up to shop there and had been followed by the hordes of photographers. But the occasional spotting of a hot celeb in a Starbucks, was really kind of fun. It's always been something I was just used too, like people here are used to snow plows being on the front of trucks.

I miss movies in the park, the LA Zoo, Griffith Park, the Norton Simon Museum, San Diego, having lunch and cocktails at Las Brisas in Laguna Beach, Disneyland, The Grove and mostly my family.

I love Colorado, I truly do. One day, it will be my home, because I'll get to where I believe that it is. We won't be moving back. We made the decision and we knew it would be for good. But I do miss LA. I don't miss my life there so much, as certain things. I prefer my life here. It's more low key, less crazy, easier. But I still love LA. It's a part of me, one piece that is missing.

So, LA I hope you miss me, because I miss you. We'll be coming for a visit very soon. I promise.

Hugs, Issa

Monday, October 27, 2008

One month...

(I'z lookin at U. U se me?)

One month, plus two days if you want to get all technical. Either way, my tiny boy is one month old. One month and he's completely changed our lives. Funny how a month can change a family forever.

My tiny boy, my little love, bub, my snorky-snort boy. Harrison has about a zillion names right now. I think this is what happens in the beginning of a life, until you feel like you know that person enough that a nickname seems to stick. Doesn't really matter, I guess.

I'm having trouble writing this post. I've tried to do it several ways and nothing seems to feel right. I don't feel like I'm doing it enough justice, that I'm sharing with you the wonderfulness that is my son. I don't feel like I'm eloquent enough, to explain the impact he has made on our lives. The joy he has brought to my entire family. I guess in the end, I need to not worry about it. I have the rest of my life to try and explain it. I'll just try and tell you how he's doing and we'll see where it goes. Deal?

Harrison is 10 pounds and 2 ounces as of last Thursday. He's kind of a chunker. But not fat (no really, I have a cousin whose son is three weeks older and he's over 15 pounds. My aunt says you could just roll that baby down the hall), just kinda rolly. He's starting to get, what we call, chubba wubbas, which is basically fat, eatable thighs and legs. He's got this amazing little tummy that gets so big when he eats, because he eats so fast that it fills up with air. It doesn't seem to bother him in the least, he just farts away and then he's all good. The boy is a pooper and farter to the extreme. Some of you may have read about Her Bad Mother's Poopocalypse Now post last week. Some of you may have not. Those with weak stomachs maybe shouldn't. But we had our own version the other day in our friends Escalade. The Escalade that I'm going to have to pay to have professionally cleaned. Because of the poop. The Poopscapde is what we're calling it. I might have cried, it was that bad (I mean there was poop on almost every inch of the baby, the car seat and um under and around the car seat), but then I remembered HBM's Poopocalypse Now and I was thinking how lucky I was to have been four minutes from home, not in some random bathroom with no supplies in the middle of nowhere. Lets just stop here. Suffice to say, my son is a pooper.

(Ma, Iz just eatin mah overalls. Iz sory bout all that poopz.)

Harrison can hold his head up by himself, he loves to lay on his stomach and look around at the world. He scored a 9 out of 10 on the baby awareness chart, whatever the hell that means. He's got these huge intense eyes that follow us everywhere. He is a thinker, you can tell by the way he scrunches his eyebrows and forehead up all the time. I keep telling him, he's going to have old man wrinkles by the time he's two if he doesn't knock it off, but he doesn't seem to care. He's not big with the smiles, but on Saturday, he laughed. I swear to god, it was the most amazing thing I've ever heard in my life. There are few things that sound better to a mother than her babies first laugh and I remember it with all three of mine.

He still is a pretty good sleeper, although we've had a few more issues this past week. I think he's growing, Logan just thinks he likes us or something. Either way, we're trying to keep him up in the evenings, way longer than he really wants to be up, to try and get him sleeping better at night. It's worked the past few nights, although he is a dam crabby grouch by 8pm or so, when we finally put him down to sleep. Then he generally wakes up around 11pm to eat and goes back to sleep until around 6:30am. This schedule works out great for us, so we're going to keep up with it. He's really up and alert from about 6:30am till maybe 9am and then he sleeps and eats a lot of the day, then about 4:30pm or so, he's up until I finally take pitty on him and put him down. It's hard to have him crabby that last hour, but it's better than him thinking 4am is play time.

(Yes, I do take pictures of my pissed off son. What? It's cute.)

He loves to eat. That's all we really need to say about that. Because honestly the boy loves to eat. He has started playing with the bottle when he's done and gets a bit ticked off when I finally take it away.

He's mostly a pleasant baby. He can't stand to have his diaper changed, but at the same time, he can't stand to be dirty. It's a vicious circle, but what can you do. Laugh at him is what I do. I figure he might as well get used to being laughed at; he does have two big sisters you know. Besides this, he rarely cries. But he is super loud when he wants to be.

Morgan absolutely adores him. She wants to hold him all the time. She's constantly kissing him and talking to him. The only thing she won't even consider is changing a diaper; possibly because she's seen her dad get pissed in the face twice. Bailey is just warming up to him. She's a bit jealous of this boy taking over her long standing baby status. But she's doing alright with him. She's very gentle and is just starting to want to hold him all the time too.

(The one picture of the three of them where they are all even sort of looking at the camera.)

Logan and Harrison together warms my heart. I told you all once that I adore making and having babies with the man. It's so true, but it also comes from watching him with them. Watching him love our son; the best feeling in the world.

Becoming a family of five has been an adjustment. Still is in some ways. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. Harrison has completed our little family in a way that I didn't know was missing. He is an absolute joy. He's definitely a keeper.

PS. All of these pictures and the ones I posted yesterday we're taken on Saturday. On my baby's one month birthday.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Photo Sunday: one month old edition

One month post still to come, but I thought I'd show you all a few pics of my ONE month old baby boy.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Friday Facts, take one

1. My lovely son is trying to mess with my mind. He has woken up between 6:15 and 6:25 every single morning since he was two days old. This is the one time that has remained consistent. As strange as it sounds, I cherish this time with him. Logan is in the shower, the girls are sleeping. It's the one time, the one feeding that is never interrupted by anyone. So we sit and rock and he munches and we just look at each other. After this, he goes back to sleep for another hour or two and then the day has really started. This morning I woke up at 6:20. I waited, I listened; nothing. Logan took his shower and got dressed and went to make coffee. Still nothing. He came back and said, what happened, why didn't he wake up? Well, I just have no clue.

But see, the boy has me trained and now he's changed his mind. Meaning, I couldn't go back to sleep at all. He woke up at 7:45. He ate, amidst his sisters craziness. He still hasn't gone back to sleep. This is okay, it really is. I am sure I will enjoy that extra hour or so of sleep. But it makes me wonder what our day will be like now. What else he thinks he's going to change. Not even a month old (until tomorrow, post coming) and he's messing with me. I'm in trouble.

2. My mom and step-dad are coming today. They'll be here for a week or so. I'm so thrilled. But it means I have to pick up my house today. Maybe get some laundry done. Or I can sit and veg out and maybe my mom will help me. I know it's bad, but that will probably win out.

3. is cracking me up this week. Not as funny as, I can has cheeseburgers or I can has hotdogs, but still extremely funny. This one, had me rolling on the floor last night.

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

4. Last night, Logan and I went on our first date night, since Harrison was born. Leaving the girls, not a problem. Leaving the baby, ouch. Our sitter is amazing and when we got back, she said, he was awake for a while and he was fine, but he kept wrinkling his eyebrows while looking at her, like who are you lady? We just went out to eat and walked around the mall, but it was still fun. Adult time, adult conversations and no chocolate milk had to be ordered at dinner. Success.

5. For some reason, I always feel like I should have a t least five things when I do this. But today, I really don't. That's all she wrote folks.

Have a great weekend. I am working on a post for my month old tomorrow newborny. Sob. But with my parents coming into town, it probably won't go up until Monday.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I have two words for you....

FALL BREAK. These two words strike the fear in parents everywhere. The school sent out a letter asking us what we thought of this new schedule. Personally I'd rather my kids not go back to school August freaking 14th and skip fall break. I so hope other people said the same thing. Fall break, not for the weak of heart. The girls are at each others throats, my house is a disaster and I can't seem to get anything done. Those of you whose children are home all the time, I have no idea how you do it.

Of course it hasn't helped that it's like freezing here and they spend most of the time inside of the house. We are just not cold weather people. I know 45-55 degrees is fine for people from here, but for us Californians, it's down right frigid.

Today, we're going to try to get out of the house. No idea what we'll do, but anything has to be better than what they've been doing.....which is destroying me and trashing the house.

At one point they were quiet, way, way too quiet. This is what I found when I finally went to investigate. This is Morgan's version. Bailey had more, but that picture has emotional problems and won't load. Lets just say, it was a bit over the top. I think they've seen too much LA Ink.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Channnngessss (Can you hear me singing?)

I have found myself anxious about this site in the last week or so. When I blogged before, I wasn't as honest as I am now. Of course a lot has changed and my world has fallen apart and now I've started to put back the pieces, but I wasn't as open. There are many reasons I stopped blogging that last time. One of them was that my family found my site and I got all kinds of grief because of it. Funny, but I got grief for the good stuff as well as the bad. That along with the hate mail I'd started getting daily and the fact that it was a hobby that had started to take over my life; made me quit.

This time is different. I am not a busy ass woman with a career, a family and a social life, like I was in Los Angeles. I still have the family and as you all know, it's grown recently. I still even have a part-time job. But my life is simpler now. I am not super busy, well any more than any woman is with three kids under seven, a husband, a dog and a house.

The time around, this is not just a hobby for me. It's a life line. I spent an entire year shut down. I've just begun to open up again. I've just begun to start talking again. Not talking, as in, hey did you like that movie last weekend; but real talking. About me, my emotions and my mental health. This site has opened me up again. Those of you who knew me in the past, have probably seen this. I no longer talk about water cooler drama, celeb sitings or random YouTube videos. Not that I won't do that some, but my writing has changed, because I have changed. I have reconnected with people who I'd lost touch with and started fostering new friendships.

I'd like to make writing my career. I adore writing more than anything I've ever thought of doing. I had a great career in LA, but I didn't particularly like it. I made excellent money, great connections and it provided for my family. It helped us be able to do the things that we have done....private school, vacations, moving, Nick's new business. But that career path just isn't for me.

I need this site now. Back then, I did it for fun, a hobby. Now it's a need. It's my therapy, my life line. You guys are my life line. Some of you I knew before; some of you I'm just meeting and getting to know; but all of you are helping me heal. One day I'll explain it all better. I know I hint about my past drama, my breakdown; but I'm not ready to talk about it. That's a bit much, too soon. But know that you all are awesome people who I hope to be friends with for years.

So here's the thing...three people whom I adore have had family find them in a way that's made them decide to move elsewhere, censor themselves or shut down completely. Two people are now password protecting their sites because of the haters. All of it I understand. Trust me, I did it. I ran and hid and shut down. I stopped being a good friend. I had people who I talked to daily who I stopped talking to at all. Some of them are the amazing people who come here and comment, some have acknowledged me a bit, but I doubt they'll come and visit often, if at all; a few have full out ignored me. It's okay, all of it is okay. I don't know that I deserve people coming back. But I appreciate those who did.

This place, it's my voice. I'm finding my voice here. I want this to stick. I don't want anyone to find it and me decide to leave again. I am not strong enough to handle that this time around. I joke about my cracked and small heart; but really it's just been so badly hurt that I feel like it is cracking. I need this to be my place. I need it to be Issas World.

I've decided to be proactive. Instead of waiting for something to hit the fan, for some family member to find me; I'm going to make it hard for them to do so. I've decided to change the kids names. Seems like a small thing, I know. But this is how my step-mother found this site before and I'm still dealing with the repercussions of what she did. Maya and Nata are not names that are easy to hide. If she Googled Maya and Nata, she'd find us. We'd be site number one. Issa, not so much, because she and my dad have never called me that, it's more of a thing my friends do.

I am less scared of "the Pervs" than I am my own family finding this site. It might take me a week or so to go through and change all of the posts. Please ignore it while I do this, as it will likely show up in your reader. But it's something I have to do, for my own security. I'll still post pictures from time to time, that doesn't need to change. But the kids names do. I hope you guys will understand, when I mention my kids and you think I've gone insane, or just traded mine in for new, non attitude giving kids.

I talked to Nick about it and he helped me see that I was doing the best thing. Plus he was all happy, because he got to pic out a new name for himself. Just know, I will screw it up from time to time. If you see it somewhere, let me know, because I really need to make this work. Blogging is just too important to me, to lose it again.

So, from this day forward (and this post will possibly self destruct before too long) Nick will be known as Logan. Because he thinks he is as cool as Wolverine from X-Men.

Maya will be Morgan Aubrey, because this is what Nick wanted to name her to begin with.

Nata will be Bailey Regan, because it's two of the many names we thought of naming her in the hospital when we found out she wasn't a boy.

Alex will be Harrison Thomas because I think it's cool.

I will still be Issa. Because this, this is still my world.

Not gonna happen

Morgan: Mama, can we go to that haunted house?

Me: Which one honey?

Morgan: The one on that sign? There. It says, XXX haunted house. That means extra scary right?

Me: Um no, I don't think we'll be going to that one.

Morgan: Mom, I promise I won't get to scared. I swear, I'll sleep in my own bed.

Bailey: You can sleep with me sissy, when you get scared.

Me: No, it's not that. It's an adult only kinda of a haunted house. XXX means adults only.

Morgan: Oh. Are you sure mom?

Me: Yeah. I am. It's just for adults.

Morgan: Like wine?

Me: Yeah, but one day, you'll like wine. By the time you are old enough to go to that haunted house, you won't want to go.

Morgan: Oh I will mom, I know I will. But I'll never drink wine, it's too stinky.

Me: Ok, lets have this conversation in ten years or so.

Morgan: I won't change my mind.

Me: I'll bet you that you'll likey the wine.

Morgan: Mama, you are sooo weird.

Bailey: I like beer mommy.

And that mother of the year award has officially slipped me by.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Holy smokes batman

I am seriously tired. Going to Texas was one of the best decisions I've made in a while. I'll never get that chance again to be with Grandma; I'll never get that chance to spend the time there that I did. But it was hard. I won't lie to you, it wasn't easy. I cried so much while I was there that my eyes still hurt. I want to tell you all about my time, my trip, my grandma; but I'm not ready yet. I'll give you a few glimpses into my last few days and I'll come back and write more when it's not so tough. I can't promise it will be tomorrow, or even this week, but it will happen eventually.

Moving on....

Bringing Morgan along was a great thing. We got to have some quality time together; she got to spend some time with my mom, who is her favorite person in the world; and most important, she helped me stay sane. She is an odd child though. I'll give you a few examples: she spent half of our trip to Texas doing math time tests. The girl, just loves her some math times tests. She spent the rest of the time entertaining me. I almost feel bad about it, because I could tell she was doing it, just to make me laugh, because she knew how hard this was for me. I'll tell you though, without her and Harrison, I'd have been a complete mess this entire weekend. I'd have fallen apart. (This makes me feel bad, like I'm harming her in some way. but I can't go there right now.) I can't imagine having gone without her though.

She has started doing this weird thing, raising her eyebrows all weird when she tells a joke. I asked her about it, because I wondered where she got it from, it's dam funny. She said, all the professional comics do something weird with their face, that it makes their dumb jokes seem funnier. She said that if being a Supreme Court Judge doesn't work out, she needs a back up plan, so she's trying out comedy. If it doesn't work for her, she'll move on to another back-up plan. But you have to make sure you're good at your back-up plan, is what she told me. Like I said, she's an odd bird and I wonder where she came from, cause I know it couldn't have been from me, but I think she's a keeper.

She is enthralled with the baby. She is her brothers biggest fan. He just loves her, he snuggles right into her when she holds him. She adores him and tells him how awesome he is all the time. Watching them together makes me so happy. But my baby girl, she isn't a baby anymore. She's almost seven years old and I can literally see her growing up every day.

On another subject, my mom is a complete baby hog. She pretty much held him all weekend. Which is fine, except I kinda likey mah babee. But she needed him, as much as I needed Maya this weekend. My mom's (and my step-dad) been taking care of my grandmother for ten months now and I think she's about to crack. I don't think she can handle it for much longer. My aunt and uncle are going to take over for about ten days and mom and dad will come and stay with us for about ten days. They're coming on Friday and I'm so thrilled. They need a break.

Harrison did so good. I can't even tell you that it mattered that we flew on two separate flights out there and back, four planes in all. People passed him around all weekend. Every once in a while he'd get all grouchy with being passed around and he'd come back to me and settle down in seconds. He super loves his mama.

And that's all she wrote. I'm just out of steam today. Please forgive me. I'll be better soon.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Cheezburger anyone?

When you have a craptastic day (week...whatever), spending hours on icanhazcheezeburger, is an okay thing to do. Just in case you were wondering. Which I'm sure you weren't; you all probably knew about it for months, but I am a slow learner. I cracked up over there. Then I made the mistake of letting the girls look at it too. Man, my daughters are loud laughers. Anyway, I made a few of my own for your viewing pleasure.

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

Morgan, Harrison and I are flying to Texas later this afternoon. I decided that it's too important and I'm going to go despite my fears. I'm going because I know I'll hate myself if I don't go. This decision hasn't helped my anxiety about traveling, but I'll be fine. We'll be fine. Morgan is thrilled that she gets to go. Bailey is pissed that she doesn't, but she's just at an odd age right now and it would be way to much work to take her too. Separate, they are both helpful, easy children; together they make me want to pull my hair out. Morgan's the one who knows grandma best and she's the most helpful in regards to Harrison, so she wins the prize. The prize being a weekend with her crazy mother. Yay her!

What really made the decision for me was when I called my mom yesterday and said I was having doubts. She goes, babe I'll keep you drunk the whole time if necessary and I'll take care of you, but you have to bring me my baby boy. See, she hasn't seen him yet. My tiny boy, my three weeks and a day old, 10 pound beauty; my mommy hasn't gotten to hold him yet. Then she said, I think your grandma is waiting to meet him. She's still here, for this last thing. You have to come. So, I am.

Morgan said the funniest thing to me last night, while I was packing: Mom, what are you doing, she asked. Packing our clothes, I said. Why? Because the airport frowns on nekkidness, I told her. So what you're saying is that I have to wear pants all weekend? Well, yes my child, that is exactly what I mean. Weirdo.

So, I'll be gone this weekend. I may post, but only if I'm really having a hard time. Just think some good thoughts my way, if you don't mind. Nice, sane Issa thoughts please.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Poo flinging monkey trolls

Man, these trolls really do know how to kick someone when they are down. It's like they look for an opening and just start flinging poo. Last night during the debate I made some comments on Twitter. Maybe not the nicest tweets in the world, but really, have you seen the stuff that gets said on there during debates? It doesn't really matter what I said, only what happened because of it. Honestly, that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of life. But hey this is my blog, so here it matters. At least to me.

It's not so much what was said, but the way it was said and the timing of which it was sent. Those of you who use Twitter, will understand this a little better, but I'll try and explain anyway. This person has been following me for a while. I've never followed her, because honestly I'm not going to try and follow people, just because they live in Colorado, which is I believe how she found me in the first place. Since I don't follow her, I wouldn't have necessarily seen her tweet right away, so she DM'd me. A DM, for those of you who don't know, is a Direct Message. Since I sometimes use my phone to get tweets, even though it was not turned on at the moment, I still get DMs sent as texts to my phone.

So the asshat poo flinging troll DM'd me at midnight last night. On a freaking Wednesday. And I'm pissed, because I hadn't turned off my ringer. So it woke me and Logan up. Because you know, I was sleeping at Midnight, a concept I know. But the worst is, SHE WOKE UP THE BABY! And you know what you never do to a three week old newborny? Wake them up. You NEVER wake them up at night. You don't DM somebody at midnight. Not anyone, it's fucking rude. But especially not a person with a NEWBORN. Want to hate me? Fine. Want to unfollow me? Go right ahead, you know where the button is. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Want to send me hate mail, be my fucking guest. All of these things can be dealt with in the day time hours. But don't wake up my sleeping baby and husband. Logan gets up at 5:30am. He goes to bed by 9pm. You woke him up, right when he was getting his best sleep. Then because the baby was awake, we were all awake for another two hours. If there was a bitch slapping device that reached through computers, my husband would have used it on you repeatedly last night.

Then there is what she said:

nanciannaj "Ya, not enuf wrds 2 tell u all the resns why, cuss like a ho, politically ignorant, let me guess...from ca.? Dun following."

So I'm a politically ignorant ho? Nice one. My aren't you clever?

The definition of 'ho', for your clarification is: Used to express surprise or joy, to attract attention to something sighted, or to urge onward; the slang definition is: A prostitute. Somehow I believe it's the latter, that you intended. Here's the thing though, you've obviously never met a real ho. Because those ladies can cuss. They make sailors sound like tiny school children. And prostitutes are still people. People with lives and family and political beliefs. And not to draw attention to your obvious mis-understanding of the English language, but I'm not a ho. See, I'm a married woman. Not that it matters, but I've only ever been with one man, the man I married and had three children with. Yes, I cuss. Not nearly as much as I used to. I also use it in context. Maybe I cuss more after two glasses of wine. Funny thing though, I didn't cuss at all last night. I've gone back and looked, and nope, no cussing.

Politically ignorant? Well I guess in your pea sized brain, anyone with a political opinion other than your own is ignorant. That's a sad way to live and rather boring if I do say so myself. I'm done talking about politics. I've voted and I understand the issues and I'm done. But I have relatives, friends and blogging friends who are conservative republicans. All of whom, I adore. Our beliefs don't have to be the exact same for us to be friends. I am an open minded individual, which obviously you are not.

From California? Well yes, this must have been a deal breaker for you. Did you know that all Californians are the devil? Who let the secret out of the bag? We are taking over and gonna rule the world. Would you like it if I said, all people from Colorado Springs are horrible human beings? No, I doubt you would. But here's a little fact for you, I'd NEVER say that. I'm not that kind of a person. I'm not the kind of person you are.

So go back to your bubble of a life, where all people are the same. Same, same, same; like my friends son says. Then again, he's two years old.

Please take your poo flinging monkey ways elsewhere, because they are not welcome here.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

True Issa-fessions: It's like true confessions, just a bit longer, rambley and a tad bit more crazy.

-I'm scared. I'm scared that I've waited too long to go and visit my grandma. That she won't be the woman I knew by the time I get there. I've heard as much from relatives. I'm scared to see her so frail and sick. I know I'll regret it forever if I don't go; if I don't take her newest great-grandson to see her. But it terrifies me. I watched two of my grandparents at the end of their lives. Because of the horrible ways they died, it clouded my memories of them. My one grandpa will be gone five years October 30th. Watching him take his last breath is still the first thing I think of when I remember him. Watching my other grandma suffer on a breathing tube for three days after being in a hospital for a month, three years ago, until my dad finally took her off the machine; will be the thing I remember most about her.

I don't want this to be the case with my grandma. She and I were very close. I was always one of her favorites. I was always the one willing to sit around and help her and listen to her stories. I loved nothing more than to watch her make dinner and listen to her tell me stories about my mom as a little kid. I don't want my memories of her to be clouded by the way I hear she is now. The cancer is in her brain. It's making her senile and mean. That's not the woman I knew. Not the grandmother I adore. It scares me to think that I'm could think badly of her in any way. It scares me to think that I'm bringing Morgan to see her and she just might not care that she's there. That the great-grandchild whom she adores, will just be an inconvenience to her. I'm scared.

-Traveling makes me super freaking anxious. I was always seen as the crazy chick who made plans at the drop of the hat. The girl who dropped everything to go someplace, any place, with no notice. I am well known for it, with my friends and family. I once showed up at school my senior year with this elaborate plan to drive to Canada and camp for a weekend. I convinced everyone to skip school that day and go with me. Logan and I, in the beginning of our marriage, used to fly someplace one weekend, because I'd decided it the night before. Once it was Chicago, once Hawaii, once it was even Paris. We've packed the kids and driven to places because of some wild hair one of us got. No notice, no big deal. At least that's what they all thought. But see, I was a planner. I just did it in my head. What seemed crazy and spontaneous to them, was a well planned thing for me. I knew where we would go, where we would stay, how we'd get there and how much money we'd need to take with us. When this all came together in my head, I'd present it in a way that made it seem like I'd just come up with it. It's just who I am.

But now, I'm not really that way. I've gotten over that need to be the cool crazy spontaneous girl. I'm a planner. Planning something makes me feel secure. Honestly, I need that secure feeling right now.

Flying makes me so anxious. Normally, when Logan and I go somewhere, I just take a Valium and drink and I'm all good. But I can't do that this trip. Logan can't come with us. He and Bailey are having a Daddy weekend here, because he's got work he has to check up on. So I'm taking Morgan and Bailey and we're flying to Texas. We'll stay with my aunt and uncle and all that is good. But I have to fly on a large airplane, in the air, with my two babies and leave one behind. That scares me as much as going with the kids; the leaving Logan and Bailey behind. Not that anything bad will happen. But what if it did? What if something happened to us and they're left behind. What if something happens to them and we're left behind?

I'm seeing my shrink today, because I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I'm feeling the need to cancel this trip. To wait and go in a few weekends when we can all go. To wait and go for Thanksgiving weekend, when we could all drive. But I know it might be too late. I'm not being a morbid person in saying that. She was given a week, five weeks ago today. She's got a catheter in her, her kidneys are shutting down and she has tumors everywhere. It's only a matter of time.

But I'm on the edge right now and I don't know that I can do it alone.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Wishing I was there today

I'm just having an off day today. Am wishing I could sit at the beach all day. That is one thing that sucks about having moved to Colorado. In other news: I'm taking Morgan and Harrison this weekend to go and see my grandma one last time. We'll fly out Friday afternoon and come home on Sunday. I'm looking forward to the trip, yet dreading it all at the same time. This might be some of the reason I'm having an off day. Who knows? I just wish I could sit and stare at the waves.

I'm going to steal an idea from Debra. She posts her high of the day on most of her posts. Today, I'm not feeling so high, but I'm thinking it's the perfect day to start doing this.

High: Harrison is 10 pounds. My little heffer baby. He is round and rolly and has huge cheeks. he is my high today.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Happy baby shower iMommy!!!

Some of us came up with this great idea to throw a surprise baby shower for Caitlin at iMommy. So hey, surprise iMommy. I mean, SURPRISE!!!!! HAPPY BABY SHOWER! Caitlin is due in like a month (or less) with her second baby and some of us wanted to offer our own brand of advice. Or assvice, as it is in my case. Basically she's getting the best the innerwebs can give her, without those lame ass baby shower games, like, "how fat is the mama now" and "don't say the word baby, or we shove a spork in your eye." All lovely games, which we won't be playing, in honor of Caitlin. See how much we really like you Caitlin?

Now all of you are very lucky, because if I wasn't posting this today, I'd be talking about THE VOMITTM, which took over my life this weekend. THE VOMITTM, which meant I spent all weekend cleaning up, doing laundry and listening to little girls whine in my ear about how they were tired of THE VOMITTM. Which, yeah duh, I was the one dealing with it all, I get how tiresome it can be. Now, I know how sad you all are going to be about not hearing about this. No worries my friends, I'm sure THE VOMITTM will be discussed at a later date. Because really, who doesn't like hearing about THE VOMITTM?

Moving on...

Four years and three months, that's how long I've been a mother of two. A mother, well I've felt that I was one since the second the little lines turned pink, over seven years ago. But a mother of two, well that was a different thing. At first I was scared, how could I ever deal with two Morgan's? Trust me people, you would have been scared too. But surprise, surprise, a second kid is their own person, with their own issues, likes and dislikes. I wasn't sure I could handle two kids, but somehow I figured it out. I wasn't sure I'd love a second kid as much as Morgan, but the second that little Bailey bear was handed to me, I knew it would work out. Your heart doesn't have to work any harder to love a second (or third) baby, somehow it just grows instantly. I can't explain it adequately. So Caitlin, instead of trying, I'll give you my assvice as it pertains to two childrens.

1. Life is not fair. You will never be able to make it fair to your two children, so don't even bother to try. Explain to them as soon as possible that life ain't fair, but you try and that's the best you can do. Here's the cool thing about this though: real life isn't fair either, so it's a good lesson for them to learn early.

2. They will have to learn to share. This starts with sharing you. They will survive. Honestly, they will. Your first child won't remember a time without the second. She will never remember not having to share.

3. They will fight. Learn to ignore it, unless there is hitting or bullying. I don't intervene unless there is gonna be blood or there is name calling. (I don't allow put downs in my house.) Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Whoever said this, was a freaking genius. I'll let you in on a little secret; when I stopped getting involved in the petty BS that the girls did, they learned to deal with each other.

4. They might be friends and they might not. You can't control it, you can only force them to be nice to each other and try and help them understand each other. When mine were little, we thought they'd never be friends, all they did was fight. When we let it go (about the time Bailey turned two) and learned to let them deal with each other, they became friends. Now they are best friends. Truly, they even sleep in the same bed most nights. If I am with just one of them and I buy them something, they always say, can I pick one out for sissy? Now I know you may end up with a teeny boy and that's okay too. It will be just fine. My brother Justin is one of my very best friends. I can't imagine my life without him. He says I would have been a very boring person without him and this very well may be true. My other brother and I don't get along, but he's a spastic idiot. You can't win them all.

5. Just love them both for who they are. You'll learn to parent each one as individuals, it will come in time. But if you just remember that your second baby is it's own person and take the time to get to know him or her as themselves, not as Boopies little sibling, you will be just fine. I know you will.

Lastly; don't believe those idiots who tell you a second child isn't worth the trouble. I can not imagine my life without Bailey, nor Harrison. My life would be a sadder, lamer, quieter place without them. It may not be as easy as it just was with one, but truly, the second time is easier, because you already know what too do. You know how to survive the baby stage. You know how quickly it goes by. How quickly they talk, walk and get into stuff. The thought of not having one of them, makes me want to cry right now. Yes, there would have been less of THE VOMITTM. But I'd never wish for less of THE VOMITTM, if it meant not having had any of them.

Ok, so this Issa Assvice lesson is over for the day. Enjoy your baby shower Caitlin, you deserve it. Now, get to hurrying along little baby, cause we want to see pics of you.

ps. I sent you something, you should get it today or tomorrow.

pps. Other advice is here: Psych Mamma; Is There Any Mommy Out There; For A Different Kind Of Girl; The Big Piece of Cake; Eat Play Love & Insta-Mom. If I left anybody out, let me know and I'll add you. **Addition: When She Wore Ponytails.

Hugs, Issa
Founder of THE VOMITTM

Friday, October 10, 2008

Halloween might suck this year

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Lets talk about health care

You all know where I stand politically. I don't need to rehash it over and over again. I've said my piece and I'm done. At least this week. But I would like to talk about health care for a minute. Both candidates promise changes in health care. Obviously I believe in the way Obama is stating it. But either way, something needs to change in our health care system

Here's the deal. My previous company was an extremely large corporation. My family was always covered under my coverage, with me only having to pay for their coverage, mine was paid by my employer. This was all well and good. Until we moved. My old company does not have a Denver office. This meant, I had to find a new job. I did find one, but it's with a small firm. I can not be covered by their insurance plan. I was denied. My kids were denied. We have pre-existing conditions. Logan's company is brand new, with him and two of his cousins. They have no employees at this time. Basically there is no way for them to get coverage either. So we had to go out on our own to get coverage.

We were turned down by twelve insurance providers. TWELVE times, we were turned down. Basically anyone of them that you've heard of, we can't get insurance through them. They literally will not cover me and Bailey. They'd cover Logan and Morgan, but not all of us. Doesn't matter what we'd be willing to pay, they will not cover us.

Our pre-existing conditions are not that far out there. Bailey and I are both asthmatics. We both have bad asthma and numerous allergies. They won't cover Bailey because of this. They won't cover me because of this and because of the small breakdown I had last year. Here's the thing about my breakdown though. I did not end up in a hospital. I did not end up in any facility for any time at all. I did not try and kill myself. I was just seriously depressed and ended up in massive therapy and on some meds. But for this and the asthma, I am uncoverable. My four year old child is uncoverable.

We considered going uninsured, except that our medications would cost us as much as my dam mortgage. Plus, a cousin of Logan's is uninsured and they treat her badly anytime she has to go to the doctor; her and her kids. Doesn't matter that they can pay their bills and feed their kids, but because they can't afford insurance, they are treated like lepers. They do not qualify for government help, but they can't afford insurance either. So they go un-insured and pray that nothing major happens to them. When regular things come up, they pay cash to be seen.

So, we found a plan. A crappy insurance that I'd never heard of. We have a $20k deductible for the year. Which means, we basically pay for anything and everything at the time of service. No discounts, no hope of our insurance covering it. We pay $1250 a month for a $20k deductible plan. The only saving grace with it, is that our prescriptions are almost free. Which is good, because they'd cost us more than the plan does a month.

Basically we are paying for all of our own medical expenses, even with insurance. All because of pre-existing conditions. This is the reality of our health care in this country. People can't afford it; people are going without it; or people are paying an arm and a leg for the crappiest coverage out there.

Something has to change. As a country, we can't afford for it to stay like this. Personally, I think health care should be something that everyone has. It's a basic need, like water, air and food.

When Obama says things about health care like these statements: "Require insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions so all Americans regardless of their health status or history can get comprehensive benefits at fair and stable premiums. - Create a new Small Business Health Tax Credit to help small businesses provide affordable health insurance to their employees." I want to jump up and down. I want this to happen. He has a plan to make it happen. I need this to happen. Because I can afford my shitty insurance. Logan and I have worked our ass off for years to get where we are. I can afford to take care of my family. To provide the medications my daughter and I need to stay alive (and sane). I can afford to pay cash if I need to, every time my other daughter has a high fever (When it gets above 104, Morgan has a seizure. Lets just say, last year, I because friends with the ER staff.) and needs to go to the ER. I can do all of this. But most people couldn't. Most people would be on the streets if it meant needing to pay what we pay out each month. Or they'd be on medic-care or whatever.

This system sucks donkey balls. It needs to change, it has to change. It's unacceptable the way it is. And blaming it on people who can't afford health care, is not helping anybody. Blaming it on our taxes doesn't do any good. The days of blame need to be over. We just need to fix it.

It bothers me when people say that having health care is a choice. That people make the choice not to work hard enough for it. That people make the choice to be on medi-care. It's not that cut and dry; not that black and white. Health care is a gray issue. There are no easy answers. But instead of blame, we need to work it out. We need someone in power to stop ignoring it and do something about it.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Off making trouble

Hey friends, I'm off at Alissa's blog today. Making trouble, getting into things; you know, the usual. I've drank all their booze, eaten all the ice cream, been through all the cabinets, put all the DVD's in the wrong cases and changed their TV's language to Spanish. Hopefully Alissa comes back before I set her DVR to only tape Martha Stewart and Spanish soaps.

So, please come visit me over here.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The ghost of Halloween past

A million years ago, when I was a little Issa, my favorite holiday was Halloween. I started planning my costume in September. I'd of started in July, except my mom had specific rules about when a holiday could be discussed. I came up with elaborate costumes that always had to be pared down in the end. Once I was a Hershey's bar; once a bunch of grapes; never something easy. Until I was about ten years old, my mom helped me. After that she laughed at me and left it up to me to handle the costume.

My brothers and I used to set up our play room as a haunted house, filled with bowls of eyes and brains to touch. As we got older and my friends got involved, we'd have certain hours that it was open and we'd charge an entrance fee. We decorated the entire house. My mom and step-dad left it up to us, with the knowledge that it all got cleaned up, the day after Halloween.

My friends and I used to plan our route for trick or treating. We'd have one of our parents drive us into a certain nice area and then pick us up at a certain time. We'd hit the houses we knew gave the best loot first, because they'd run out fast. I wish I had one of our lists, because it was literally color coded. When we got home after hours of getting candy, we'd all sit in someones living room and go through it. Anything opened or homemade, we tossed. We were pretty street smart. Then we'd start trading. It was a massive trading system. Real sized candy bars had certain points, so if you wanted it from someone you had to offer the equivalent amount of points in other items.

As we got to old for trick or treating, we'd throw a big party. We'd invite everyone we know and have costume contests.

To say we were a bit into Halloween is stating it a bit lightly. We were obsessed.

All of this makes me feel a bit bad that my kids don't have this freedom yet. I told Morgan she could make a haunted house next year, that I just didn't want to deal with it this year. I know we'll throw away a big chunk of her and Bailey's candy, just because they are such candy sneaking fiends right now. Since it's cold here on Halloween....last year it was freezing, I know they'll only get through a few blocks before I want to take them home. I did let them pick out some stuff to decorate the house, we'll do it this weekend.

But I wonder, when did I lose my love for Halloween and why in the world won't I let my kids go as crazy as we went? I like Halloween, don't get me wrong, but I'm not in love with it anymore. I'm not a Halloween Grinch, but I can't see letting them do what I did this year. I'm trying to figure out why that is exactly. Maybe it's just how young they still are. The more nutty things we did, we were older than they are. Maybe it's all the work will fall on me. Maybe I'm just a lame ass mommy?

Hell, I bought my kids costumes at Target. I'm just not a make a costume mom.

I don't want to be the Halloween Grinch mom. I can't change it this year, I'm just too tired to deal with it. Harrison is too young to have hoards of kids in and out of the house. But next year, I'll help them go crazy. I'll show them how it's done, how to do it right. Halloween is a day for kids to be kids. We've taken so many things away from kids these days. Society wants them to grow up so fast. Most schools won't let kids have a class party or dress up any more. (Luckily my kids go to a choice school who makes it a whole day event.) It just makes no sense. Next year I'll be giving Halloween back to my kids. I'll let them go crazy and I'll help their friends go crazy. I'll have a huge party and give away prizes for the most inventive costumes.

This year, they'll have to live with decorating the house and dressing up in their store bought costumes. This year, I'll rest and know that they are young, we have many, many years left of them being kids. Because once I let the black cat out of the bag, I know I'll never be able to put it back in.

And hey, they'll make the cutest surgeon and pink unicorn around.

Do you guys like Halloween? Did any of you go as nuts as I did as a kid?

Monday, October 6, 2008

Two plus one = Issa will never be on time again.

This strange thing happens with a new baby. They are a great big time suck. They don't put their own shoes on, nor pee in the potty, heck they can't even seem to buckle themselves into the car. It's been literally years since I've had this problem. Bailey's four years old, she practically parents herself these days. I'm all for independence, you know? Ok, I'm kidding. But really, this get a new baby ready to leave the house is tough. And honestly, I suck at it.

Time moves much slower when there is a newborn involved. Yes everything takes a long time when kids are little. My girls are no different. But this tiny boy, dang he takes a long time. It takes me about ten minutes to change his diaper. This, is mostly because of my fear getting peed on. But also, I'm just out of practice. All the little rolls and creases and boy parts that have to be cleaned. Changing him is a laughing matter. Little floppy arms that don't just go into the shirt. This is the only time he gets mad. I'd get mad too if some crazy lady couldn't manage to get a shirt on me without needing a crowbar. Honestly, who in the world can't put their legs into their own pants? I mean come on now.

Every time we go to leave, he poops. Then he's hungry. This my friends, takes an extra 40 minutes. We're not even going to discuss giving him a bath. I needed a margarita by the time I had finished that the other night. Maybe two margaritas.

I am lucky, he's a good sleeper and an amazing baby. He sleeps for hours at a time, no matter what is going on around him. We were out for hours yesterday and he never woke up. He'd eaten right before we left and woke up to eat, the second we got home. Really nice and convenient.

But I'm an on time type of a person. I've perfected it, since the girls were born. I know how many warnings they need to get their stuff together for us to leave the house on time. We wake up earlier than we should have to on school days, because I have to say to them nine times, put your shoes on and grab your lunch. Where's your homework and yes, you must wear that sweater. I have trouble getting Morgan up every single day and trouble getting Bailey to put clothes on, every single day. Both of them are slow eaters. I know this, I've prepared for this; this is the norm at our house.

I don't know how to prepare for Harrison. He is unpredictable. I don't think I'll ever be on time for anything ever again. This pains me. Logan said something yesterday, because we were meeting people for lunch and we left 25 minutes late. I just looked at him and glared. I mean dude, come're the one who still wants three more kids. Imagine how late we'll be then?

Basically what I'm saying is this: If you want us to be there by 3pm, tell us 1:30pm and we'll be right on time. kthnxbi

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Sunday Photos: The, Issa has a new camera that she doesn't know how to use edition

Friday, October 3, 2008

He's trippin

Scene: Me and Logan laying on our bed. Harrison in between us, sleeping like only babies and kids do, all draped out.

Logan: Dang babe, we made one awesome kid.

Me: I know, he's a real keeper this one.

Logan: It's probably a good thing we didn't have him first.

Me: Why?

Logan: Because we'd be like the Duggars with twenty kids by now.

Me: You are flipping insane, you know this right?

Logan: I don't think so. I'm pretty confident in my statement.

Me: Well then you need to have your head examined. In our vows, there was a clause.

Logan: Oh yeah, which one was that?

Me: The, Issa ain't having more than four babies clause.

Logan: I'm pretty sure it said six* babies at least.

Me: Hmm, well that's debatable, but it didn't say a dam thing about 20.

Logan: We'll see.

Me: Maybe you should change the clause for your next wife.

Logan: No, I'll just have Emmy** amend ours.

Me: Dude, she'd lock you up in a nut house if you told her you wanted 20 kids.

Logan: Only because she hasn't met Harrison yet.

Me: Honey, he's only a week old. Give him time. Let's talk about this again when he's two, okay.

Logan: Fine, but my answer will be the same.

Me: Yes, but it's still gonna be the wrong answer.***

*We have gone back and forth on this since we got married. He has always wanted six kids and I've always said four. We'll see how it ends up eventually. Honestly if we can afford it and I can manage it, I'm not sure that I'd mind six one day. Like if we have one more in a year or two and then do it again in four or five more years? Who knows? Harrison being this awesome has screwed up my thinking temporarily too.

**Emmy is one of our best friends. She's a criminal attorney, with no husband and no kids and she plans on it always being that way. The no kids part at least. She would commit Logan.

***I won! Of course it is my blog and I can put on here what I want. But I did win this time.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Harrison Thomas

Today my baby boy will be one week old. Just writing that made me cry a bit. Now technically, as I just nicely told screamed at my husband, Harrison won't really be a week old until 8pm tonight. Either way, my baby is now a week old.

This time last week, I was plotting to get my doctor to induce me. I had gotten tired of my own whining and was prepared to throw a tantrum, sob and or hold her hostage until she set a time to induce me. I told Logan that I was done and here was the plan. He just laughed at me, but agreed to go along with it. Our appointment was scheduled at noon.

So in we go. We show up and the first thing she says is, dang I was hoping you'd have called me by now. Maybe we should just schedule an induction. Dude can I marry you, were my exact words. Then she decided to "massage" my cervix. Which is a nice way of saying she stripped the membranes and god only knows what else. It was not comfortable, lets just say that. Then she sent me home, with my baby eviction notice scheduled for Monday morning.

We got home around 1:30pm and I went to make something to eat and felt like I needed to go to the bathroom and realized, holy shit I'm in labor. And owie this freaking hurts. I'd had so many fake contractions (ok, they weren't fake cause they hurt like hell) that we decided to time them. Five minutes apart. After three in a row, Logan freaked the fuck out and we left to go to the hospital. I think it was almost 2pm.

We got to the hospital about twenty minutes later. I was 6 centimeters dilated. They popped my water, shoved a catheter in me, gave me an epidural and had me up and ready in labor and delivery in twenty minutes flat. Which was mostly due to the fact that Logan told them I'd had Bailey after two hours labor and with no epidural. And it was nice, I likey the epidural. When I realized that I wasn't feeling contractions, I was like, ohhhh this is even better. They'd given me a button with more medicine in it, that I could press when I needed it. I never pressed it.

My best friend Kate showed up about this time and we just sat and chatted. Every once in a while we'd look at the monitor and they'd tell me, oh that was a contraction. But see I never felt them. Which seemed great in the moment. But in reality it was slowing down labor. So we waited. And waited. And waited some more.

I started getting hungry, but all I could have was popsicles. Then I started getting a bit nauseous because it had been hours since I had eaten. At this point I called a nurse in, because they'd been scarce. She said, your doc will be here in a minute, but we may have to induce you a bit if this doesn't get going a bit more. Ok, cool lady whatever, was my response.

Around five my doctor came in. She was thrilled because she'd managed to go to her kids parent/teacher conference before coming. She checks me and I'm about 8 centimeters dilated. She's a bit worried that I can't feel any contractions, but since I can feel her messing with my toes and can lift my legs high on my own, she says it is all okay. She orders something for the nausea and leaves.

Around seven she comes back in and says, well lets check you again. I'm like 9 centimeters but the contractions still aren't on top of each other yet. So she reaches up in there and literally pushes back the rest of my cervix. This I did feel. About twenty minutes later the epidural stops working. Completely stops working. I'm ready to push, my doc is like, okay lets do this. I started pushing at 7:38pm. And I didn't stop pushing. I couldn't stop. At one point they wanted me too, just to get prepared is I think what the nurse said. Well shit lady, if you ain't prepared it's not my problem at this point. Logank just said to me, babe don't worry, just push if you want, I won't let him fall. That's all I needed to hear.

Harrison Thomas was born at 8:08pm, September 25th, 2008. He weighed 8 pounds, 6.4 ounces, was 20 inches long.

I couldn't hold him at first, I wasn't able to stop shaking. Logan held him up to me and we looked at each other for a bit and then the nurse took him to clean him up and check him out.

Pretty much all I've done since then is hold him and kiss him and tell him how much we all love him. Logan and my MIL fight me all day to hold him. Logan is enthralled with him. The girls adore him, they want to hold him all the time too. They tell us, quiet, my brother is sleeping. Which is funny, since he could care less about noise. He is the mellowest baby I've ever seen in my life.

Adjusting to a baby is hard, I won't lie. But he's such an awesome baby, that's it's not really a big deal at all.

One week old tonight and I already can't remember my life without him.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Think Pink

October is breast cancer awareness. I don't know many people who this disease has not touched in some way; a relative, friend or a friends relative. My aunt is kicking it's ass right now. She had found a lump at some point last spring. They removed it and two she never even felt. She did radiation and now she's doing chemo as a preventative measure. She is winning. But the key is catching it as early as possible. We need to check ourselves weekly. Anything looking or feeling weird needs to be checked immediately. There is no time to wait. Cancer doesn't wait.

We need to fight this disease. We need to cure this disease. Until that happens, we can try and prevent it taking lives by catching it early enough to do something. Early enough to fight. Prevention is the key.

So ladies, what I'm saying is this: get all nice and cozy with the girls. Play with them. Come on now, you know your husbands would love to see this. (Sorry couldn't help it.)

Think pink!