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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Bittersweet victory

When I met Logan, we were fourteen; in the first week of our Freshman year in High School. His brother Sam was eleven years old. Audrey, his younger sister was eight. For some reason, Sammy was the biggest annoyance in the world to us (nothing personal to him, because he's awesome now, but 11 years old boys are not that fun), but Audrey kind of became our little mascot. She hung out with us and our friends. We'd take her places, I taught her to surf; we thought she was cool. Probably helped that she was completely easy going and fun.

She was thirteen when she came to Logan and I and asked us if she could take us out to dinner. Take, meaning, we take her out and we pay for it, of course. We thought it was because we'd just gotten married and she wanted to be nice, but really she wanted to talk. She came out to us that night. She told us straight up, she was not interested in guys, she had a girlfriend. She talked and talked and explained her feelings to us, never letting us get a word in edge wise. She was scared to tell her big brother. I'm not sure what he said to her, because honestly it's been years. But whatever he said, she burst into tears. She was so thrilled that he'd support her 100%. Of course he would, we all did. Hell, he was just thrilled he didn't have to worry about her getting pregnant at fourteen or something. Didn't make him not want to hunt down and strangle the little girl who later broke his baby sisters heart for the first time, but that is just a boy thing. Protect the women's; I think it's in the male genes. The few people in our extended family who had issues with this, have long since gotten over it. While at thirteen, they though she was going through a phase (you know, the ever popular, I like girls phase? Only second in popularity to the, I want to be a rock star phase), by the time she met Lexi at eighteen, they had moved over that issue.

Audry and Lexi met their first semester in college. They weren't roommates, but each of them had a best friend in the other ones room. I won't forget the night she came over and told us about Lex. Bailey was only a tiny newborny, not much older than Harrison is right now. Audy was completely love struck. We teased her about it, because all she talked about was Lexi. Lexi does this, Lexi is gonna do that; Lexi and I are going to a concert next week. She said to us, you just wait, this one is going to last, I can just feel it. She'd had quite a few girlfriends. Turned out, being a lesbian in LA as a teen: not such a tough thing. Yes, there were issues from time to time. But LA isn't some small town in the south. There was never any hate mail, nobody threatening her or really anything like that; just mostly normal High School stuff.

Not too long after that, we had some family event and Audy brought Lexi with her. We all adored her from second one. My MIL called it, she said, they are like you and Logan, they are meant for each other. She was right of course. You only have to see them together once, to know it is true. There is no one who would see them and doubt their love and adoration for each other. Their level of commitment is higher than most marriages these days.

Last year the bill passed in the state of California that they could legally be married. The state was now recognizing the union of gay and lesbian couples as it should have been years ago. We all rejoiced. Lexi proposed to Audrey and they bought each other rings. They are young, only 22 and both of their mothers asked them to wait until they finished school. They graduated last spring and started planning their wedding. They said they wanted a summer wedding and started planning it for August of next year. 9/9/09 is their planned wedding date.

"We lost", said the sobbing voice on the phone this morning. At 6:30am she called us. Which is, in case you didn't know, 5:30am California time. She stayed up; they both stayed up all night, hoping, praying it would be different. When it didn't change, she waited until she knew Logan at least would be up and she called us. She'd already called and sobbed to her parents. We lost. Those two words broke my heart. The next four broke it even more: we're getting married anyway.

I am beyond thrilled that Obama won, you really have no idea. I didn't realize that I'd been holding my breath for weeks. I slept so well last night. Because honestly, I thought California would win this battle. I slept like a baby, as well as my baby.

But my lovely sis didn't. She spent the night pacing and screaming at her computer and at the injustices of the world. She and her partner spent the night crying in each others arms, wondering what they would do now. About 3am, Lexi said, we'll get married anyway. I love you and you love me and we're doing this. When it becomes legal again, because you know, one day it will, we'll get married again. Until then, we'll be married anyway. To us, the people who matter. Our family and friends will come and celebrate us on our day. The world...well fuck em if they don't believe.

She's right, we'll come and support them. We adore them and they deserve to have a day just for them. That day, my friends will be 9/9/09. The day, I get another sis-in-law for good. The day, they are hitched and Lexi will never get rid of us crazies again.

Today is a happy day for the US. I am happy, I truly am. But there's a bitterness there too. An angry piece of me, that has no outlet. I just want to shake the world right now and say, these two belong together, how can you not see that? How can you not understand that this doesn't change your fucking marriage? How can you judge someone for who they love, just because it is different for you? Because you don't understand it, they should be penalized? I am angry for my baby sister. I am sad for her, but I am angry for her too. Audy and Lexi are just like Logan and I; just like all of you, who are married to your spouses. They support each other, they take care of each other and most important, they adore each other. The one difference, is their marriage won't be legal in the eyes of the country.

Today is bittersweet for me and my family. I had to explain to Morgan and Bailey why I was crying this morning. Aren't we happy mama? Aren't we glad Mr. Obama won? Yes, my babies, we are. We are thrilled beyond belief about that. But we are sad for your aunties, because California passed a bill that means they can't have the piece of paper that your daddy and I have. They can get married, but it won't be legal. Well that makes no sense, Morgan said. I know, my love, I know.


Kim @ said...

I'm so sorry for them that they are going through this. I'm at a loss for words of comfort as I'm out of them for a whole lot of things right now. But, my friends, I am so sorry about their loss and very glad they chose to go ahead and recognize themselves to hell with the rest of it.

Kim @ said...

I meant "MY FRIEND" not the "Friends" in the scary McCain way. ;-) (I kid I kid)

Jaden Paige said...

I'm so sad for your sister in law right now. It pains me to see people who have just as much a right as anyone else to have their love recognized being pushed to the side as if theirs doesn't matter.

But, on the bright side- she's right; it will be legal soon. It's the right thing, and we're moving in that direction. For now, they should focus on planning their perfect wedding and be happy that they have such a wonderful, understanding and loving family :D

Kara said...

Why don't you guys have a destination wedding in sunny Massachusetts? Its nice here. :)

Anonymous said...

I am so frustrated. I did not imagine it would pass. It is a bitter pill for both gays and straights.

Piece of Work said...

I am so stunned by this. I never saw one Yes on 8 sign. Who are the bigots who voted for it? I want to know! It's so dissapointing. Makes me furious.

Anonymous said...



debra said...

I had the same feelings this morning. I was so elated that the election went as it did...but then so letdown by the Prop 8 results.

Give your sister-in-law a hug for me and tell her that we will get there someday. Hopefully sooner than we think!

jennster said...

i know.. prop 8 was so heated out here... i voted no. i wish more people did. i don't see the big deal. my gay friend was SO upset today- he worked so hard.. phone banking, donated money... we all really thought it would go NO. can't believe it didn't. glad they are getting married nayway. :)

Anonymous said...

((hugs)) for your sister and her fiance.

Becky said...

that is so sad what they're going through. how can it be legal one year and not the next? i don't get that.

Mrs. Really Long Name said...

Wonderfully written.

You and I may not agree on some politics, but I do agree with you on this topic.

J from Ireland said...

That made me cry. My little brother and his boyfriend had to go up to the north of Ireland to have their civil ceremony, as its not recognized down here. I am confused though , Pro. 8, does that mean Obama didn't want same sex marraiges? I was thrilled that Obama got elected. Sorry for being such an ass about your politics Issa.