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Thursday, November 13, 2008

I need your help....

This is a post that I've been re-writing in my head for the past few days. I've debated it over and over again. I'm not sleeping, because this is all I think about. But it's a weird request to ask of you. I feel like I need to ask anyway, even though it may make some of you uncomfortable. Hell it makes me uncomfortable. I'd like to ask any of you who pray, to pray for my grandmother. But I'd like to ask you to pray for her to pass, before she's in any more pain, not for her to live. See? Uncomfortable. Not a common request, I know. Not something you'd normally ask people to pray for.

My grandmother has been battling cancer for three and a half years. In the beginning, they gave her 6 months. The reason for that was the size of the tumors. They think it started out as uterine cancer. But by the time they found it, she had three huge tumors. One in her groin area, which was the reason they found it in the first place. The second had taken over her uterus and the third was wrapped around her aorta. That last one is the killer. Or was, according to the doctors. They did radiation and chemo, but they couldn't radiate that last tumor. They continued to do chemo until this spring, when she told her doctor, she just couldn't handle it anymore.

Two months and a week ago, the hospice doctors told us she had a week to live. The cancer had spread everywhere, she has tumors pretty much everywhere. Instead of her not making it a week, my grandfather was gone in that week. She's continued to go downhill since then. She's on so many pain meds, we're surprised she remembers her own name. There is cancer in her brain they figure, because she's gone senile. Some days she's fine. Others she goes back and forth between screaming at my mom for something she did as a twelve year old child and telling her how to fold the towels the right way. Then she'll cry, telling her, I'm so sorry your marriage didn't work out. She's talking about the marriage to my father. The marriage my mother ended, oh about 24 years ago. Then she'll be acting like a four year old. Pouting and whining, saying that someone won't give her ice cream and she only wants ice cream. Which would be funny, considering the woman has lived on strawberry ice cream and watermelon for three months now. Except it's not funny. It's just heartbreakingly sad.

My mom has taken care of grandma since this time last year. Her and my step-dad sold their house, gave up their practices early and moved to Texas to care for my grandparents. Tomorrow, they are putting Grandma in the hospice hospital. They can not physically, emotionally or mentally take care of her anymore.

Her doctors say she has maybe weeks. Then again, they are the same ones who told my mom, one week; two months ago. They don't know why she's still alive. What they do know is that the cancer has almost encased her colon. Once it does, if the pain alone doesn't kill her, they'll have to put her in a medically induced coma until she passes, just to manage her pain.

This type of cancer......my other grandpa died of colon cancer, five years ago on Halloween. What the doctors are saying is correct. I know this for a fact. When the cancer encased my grandfathers colon, he fell into a coma, never to wake up again. My dad had to remove the life support, after nine days. I was there when he took his last breath. This is not something anyone deserves. No one should have to die like that. But my grandma definitely shouldn't have to die like that.

My whole family has decided to pray for grandma, for her to pass painlessly in her sleep; before the cancer take over her colon. What we're doing is asking everyone to pray for the same thing. As much as it kills us to do so.

My grandmother is a good woman. She's lived a long great life. She adored my grandfather from the second she met him, until he took his last breath. She raised six children and helped care for fourteen grandchildren. She was an only child, who took care of her parents and her aunt, when they were old. She taught Sunday school classes, helped anyone she knew who was in need and always had someone staying in the guest room. But that woman is gone now. In her place is a senile in pain lady, whose body is failing her.

This might be the hardest thing I've ever asked for in my life. But please, if you pray, help us with this. Pray for her to go home. To join my grandfather on the other side. It may not do a thing. But we have faith that it will.

Thank you.

11 comments:

Jaden Paige said...

I will pray for her.

Kim @ Ponytaildiaries.com said...

This took an extraordinary amount of strength for you talk about. You are one tough cookie!!!!! And if anyone else doesn't agree I will personally hit them with a stick. Just saying.

I, too, will pray for her and you and your family.

Becky said...

*praying*

iMommy said...

You've got my prayers.

J from Ireland said...

I certainly will pray for her release. Best wishes.

wheelsonthebus said...

i am not a pray-er, but i will send all my hope your way.

julena said...

I am not a prayer either, but I know that every positive vibe counts. So I am sending love and strength vibes to you and your grandmother. May the light see her through her journey and her purpose, and may it give you the strength to be her guiding angel.

Delusional Girl Ruby Soho said...

I am hoping that she passes painlessly and I am doubly hoping you and your family have all the care and strength you need right now.

alissasanderson said...

I totally see where you are coming from. I will pray for her.

Childsplayx2 said...

I'm praying for your grandmother and your family.

Mrs. Really Long Name said...

I am praying for peace for her and your entire family.

Hugs....