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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Guest Post: The MIL version

Note from Issa: I've been blessed with lovely friends who have taken pity on me and my messy heart right now and have obliged with a few guest posts. Please be kind to them, as they are doing me a HUGE favor and I have no way of repaying them. Unless any of them takes sour Jelly Beans as payment? Ladies? Anyway, today's guest poster is going to be anonymous, because her MIL lurks on her blog.

This is an anonymous guest post, written by someone with sadness in her heart and a Mother-in-Law that chronically lurks on her own blog. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts...

On Mother's Day it came to hit me, my mother-in-law hasn't seen my children in over two years. TWO YEARS. My youngest is only two and a half, which means you don't need to be a genius to do the math, she's non-existent in their lives. As I grow older and wiser, I realize you can't force someone into your life even if it's a family member.

But I wonder when it's going to hit my children as well. Why doesn't Grandma come visit us?

Unfortunately my MIL likes to spend her travel time on things she likes doing, rather then visiting her grandchildren. You see my MIL isn't a knitter or crafter or bingo player, my MIL is a chronic gambler. Even though we live about 2,500 miles apart, she'll fly right over our house to a better destination Las Vegas. You know because when she travels to Vegas, she gets "free" rooms. We charge a high premium for our guest room, quality time with the grandchildren. I guess it's too much for her to handle.

We've tried to have the conversations, we've heard the promises of a visit in the winter, no a visit in the summer. But alas the years are passing and visiting us is low on the priority list. And yes, we are partially to blame because we haven't made the visit to see her or her husband that has never met our youngest child. Saying that blows my mind.

I just feel like being an adult and traveling with out little children in tow is not too much to ask of someone that loves and cares about you. Now for us, hopping on a plane or two with layovers, with our children is much more of a process. We are going to make the trip this fall, but I don't quite know how to accept that she doesn't want to be a part of our lives. I guess we don't provide the rush of a pull on a slot machine or the promise of the next big win. We just like to have quality time around the dinner table and create lasting memories.

Time to focus on the family members that do love us, love visiting us and creating memories. Although it sure is hard to let go when it's your husband's own mother that doesn't love you the same way.


Anonymous said...

That is very sad. I have similar, but not identical, issues. I feel for you and for your children.

anymommy said...

I know this hurts like hell, but you can't make her see or change. You know, she doesn't necessarily lack love. She is missing out on so much, don't miss out on anything worrying about it!

Stephanie, Mama Dramatist said...

I understand.

My father-in-law disowned us because we are "Jesus freaks".


The thing is with your MIL: It's HER loss. The babies can live very lovely lives without her ... or with her if she choses to change.

Great job on a "guest" post on a way-too-familiar topic.

Mocha Dad said...

My in-laws live in another state and we see them periodically. The problem we have is that it's difficult to travel with three children ages 1-8. My in-laws travel all over the world, but find it to be too much of a hassle to visit us.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I'm so sorry... My father-in-law had only seen my youngest ONCE until just recently when we were together for his own mother's funeral. My daughter was so excited to meet her grandpa. "I have a GRANDPA? REALLLY?!?" And she ran to him and hugged him all day.

My kids are damn cute and worthy of having a grandparent who shows them love.

So do yours.

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