To my mom, the woman who carried me inside of her for 38.5 weeks. The woman who laid in bed for the last 3 months of that time, hoping beyond hope, that she and I would make it through okay. The woman who nearly died having me. The woman who didn't know for 29 hours if I was even alive. The woman who spent the first two months of my life laying on a couch with me on her chest trying to get better. The woman who raised me, played with me, never took crap from me, who loved me every day and every night. The woman who taught me how to be a woman and a mother. My friend, my mom. Happy Mothers Day Mama, I love you.
To my babies, all three of you crazies, for making me the mother I am today. I adore you.
To my husband for giving me the three crazies. You have my whole heart.
To all of you, those who are mothers, those who have mothers and those who help mother the rest of us anyway, happy mother's day.
In the next few weeks, I'm going to have some guest posters. I need the freedom to not write when I can't, and to write only when I am ready. I've asked some amazingly lovely friends of mine to help me out. It doesn't mean I won't post at all, but I need to know that it's okay if I don't. I need time. Time to process, time to heal, time to grieve. Time to just be. Please know I'm still here, reading, tweeting.....I'm just needing a break from posting.
I found an old file, posts I had written before, on my previous blog. I might share a few in the next few weeks. I'll put the date on them, so you know they were previously written. Some of you knew me then, so you might recognize them.
Below is the first one. I thought it seemed like a good thing to share, seeing how tomorrow is Mother's Day. Obviously my girls were a lot younger then.
You know you are a parent when...
You buy the Princess and Spiderman Fruit Snacks instead of the organic real fruit infused with a cup of beet juice snacks, even though they are supposedly healthier, for three reasons. One, you know it is a lie, they are all full of sugar. Two, sugar never killed anyone. Three, it makes your kids smile and happy for at least three minutes.
You have Cheerios and Goldfish in your cabinets at all times. You also find random Cheerios and Goldfish under couch cushions and under your car seats at all times.
You drop a dry erase marker in a client meeting and say "uh oh", without even thinking.
You smile a bit and gently laugh at the woman who said "uh oh" in the meeting.
You give your last piece of spicy tuna roll that was on the way to your mouth to your two year old when she says, "Mama, I hab it, purty please", without a second thought. (Even if not eating that piece does make you want sushi for two more days, until you break down and buy more sushi.)
You find yourself dancing in odd places, like the grocery store or the elevator just because you like the song. When you realize where you are, you don't stop, because you're a parent and what the hell do you care what strangers think?
You go into a toy store or go online to start your birthday/Christmas shopping and while you do think to yourself, will she/he like it, you also ask yourself it it is loud enough to give you a migraine and will it hurt if I step on it at 2am in the dark?
You buy things that give you migraines and hurt your feet at 2am, because you know they will love it.
You get up in the middle of the night when you hear your child cry out even though you just want to say snuggled in you nice warm bed.
You watch The Incredibles, the Muppet's Show and the Magic School Bus over and over again until you know the entire dialog, but you don't make them quit watching it.
You take dozens of pictures, just hoping one of them will capture the magic of the moment. You also take pictures to remember how little they were once.
You read The Monster at the End of This Book, Goodnight Moon and Blueberries for Sal each and every night to your toddler, because they love those books and only those books, even though you'd secretly love to toss those books in the ocean or poke your eyeballs out before you will ever want to read them again.
You go into the kitchen at work and grab a bottle of water and before you take a drink, you write your name on it, so you know, there are no fights.
You look at teenagers and think they are such babies and wonder what your kids will be like at that age instead of remembering how cool you were back then.
You tell random people with newborns in stores to enjoy it while they can, because they won't stay that tiny and huggable for long.