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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Why it bothers me

You write a post about silly nonsense, the first real post in a month and get told that you are a sheep and should kill yourself. By a person with no name, but none the less, some person who felt that was the right thing to say.

As bloggers, we are supposed to not care about this. We should get used to it. You have enough hits to your site, you are bound to get some trolls. We are supposed to harden our heart and not let the stupid comments bother us. As a seasoned writer in a public forum, I am supposed to just let this roll off my back. It doesn’t matter, it’s just some asshat troll. Delete and ignore. We’ve even come up with the blogging terminology to describe these people; the people who attack in comments, the people with no names.

But it does hurt and it does sting. Even after all these years of doing this, it bothers me. Intellectually it doesn't bother me. But the heart and the brain don't' always feel the same way. You just don't say that to someone. That is something that I can't just brush off. The, you should kill yourself comment. The rest of it can be ignored, but that one stings. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I had a friend who did kill himself. In some ways it bothers me more when someone attacks a friend of mine, than when they attack me. I am always willing to defend a friend and luckily I didn't have to say anything yesterday, as all of you were kind enough to defend me.

After the multiple comments and then the attacks on all of my friends, it almost seemed funny in some way. This person who so wanted to be known as the troll of the day. It seemed less personal after that, which was nice. But that one comment sits under my skin and eats at me. Because I wonder why someone would say such hateful things to a stranger. I wonder what I said to provoke him. Did my talking about Disneyland or my kids last day of school, provoke such a hateful response? Am I just an easy target?

It's not me. I've been told that two dozen times, by people I adore. I know they are right, yet I still feel responsible.

I think in some way, they must be jealous. Jealous of our families, jealous of our friendships, jealous that they have no name. That must be really sad for them, to have no name. I doubt they’d walk up to a stranger on the street and spew such hatred, as they are apt to do online. I wonder what makes someone feel that this is okay? That the words they type are any different than the words they say aloud. Words have power, whether you type or say them. Maybe they don’t care, maybe I am such a horrible person and I deserve it. However, I doubt it, because I’ve never in real life, had someone attack me like this. You want to know why? Because I am a nice human being. I am kind to others, even people who don’t deserve it. I say please and thank you. I donate money and time to help the less fortunate. I don't tailgate, nor flip off strangers who cut me off in traffic. I've never taken a thing in this world that did not belong to me. I am a hard worker and a responsible human being. I take good care of my children. I am a good person.

But they don’t see that. They don’t seem to care to see that. They don't care that telling a depressed person to kill themselves is just plain wrong. He doesn't care, because it doesn't affect his life.

It bothers me, this lack of caring. The ability to spew filth and not care what you’ve put into the world. It makes me wonder about the world. And I don’t like that feeling.

This person, who taunted the blog world yesterday, doesn't care about people. Doesn't care about people's feelings or emotions. Most likely it was a ploy for attention. There have been others before and there will be more after. Eventually they move on, because truly, why would you continue to read blogs written by parents, if you hate parents and children? (And hi, don't you have parents, weren't you once a child?)

It hurts me as much as it does, not really because of the 23 words this person said, but because I am still fragile. I am the first person to admit, I’ve had a hard ass month, which has come after a hard ass eight months, following a rough couple of years. I have my good moments and my not so good moments. Yesterday was the first time in a month when I hadn’t been depressed and this is what I get. Yesterday, by the way, was the four week mark. I lost the baby four weeks ago, last night.

I have been depressed and trying to be okay (and doing a dam good job of it) for a month. I’m fragile and I can’t handle this without talking about. I can’t ignore it like I should probably do. I can’t just let it go.

Which is why I'm writing this. Not because I want to give this person more attention. I have deleted and will continue to delete all of his comments. I am not going to link to his site, nor will I ever click on it again.

I am writing this, because I have to. I have to say all of this. I have to write that this isn't okay. That I am not just some random stranger behind a computer screen. I am a person with feelings. I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and dog owner. I am a good person.

I am taking a stand. I am saying to the world, to all the trolls out there, that this has gone on long enough. Go find a life and stay the hell out of mine. Leave my friends alone. No one cares what you have to say. Shoo.


PsychMamma said...

Very well said. Anyone who would say something like that to another human being has some huge issues of their own. The world doesn't need more hurt. And "you should commit suicide" is just hateful and should never be said, considering the fact that the person might be contemplating exactly that. Seems like Grandma's adage: "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all" was very wise.

Sorry you had to endure such crap. Way to stand up to the hate! Love you!!

Jaden Paige said...


:) You are awesome, Issa. Screw haters.

Oh and PS? I tailgate. But I so don't mean to. Will yells at me for it ALL the time... ;)

Marinka said...

This is a fantastic post and can I just ditto it!

Of course words hurt. They hurt a lot.

I missed that comment, fortunately. But you are lovely and amazing and I'm proud to know you.

Lesley said...

This is so lovely. It's not easy to write something so calm and so eloquent in the midst of a lot of jumbled up emotions. You did good, Miss Issa. More than good.

And in the end? Love always triumphs over hate. Always.


Amazing Greis said...



Would-Be Bonus Mom said...

I'm happy to see you've found an eloquent, constructive way to cope with the vile, ugly, vulgar asshattery (yes, I like this word, I think it fits well) we are bound to come across in this life (in the blogosphere and elsewhere). All I can say is good for you and hang in there, beautiful!

skyesofblue said...

Great post, every word was perfect. The person has to be jealous, that's always were it comes from. I know that telling you to forget about it would be fruitless because if your anything like me you will go over this in your mind over and over again.
STOP, the person is not worth it!

Gena said...

Honey, I promise you that the person or persons who do those things are just idiots.

Compassion is a wonderful thing. At some point, we all need it.

Caring, I never want to stop. That's what seperates us from "evil", so to speak.

We ALL need a SHOULDER at some time or other. I will give you mine at any time.

This world is crazy and full of pain, heartache and "troubles". We have to turn to others to get through it.

Anonymous said...

I love you and I am proud of you. I can't think of anything more to say but that.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

What a shitty thing to do to someone. I can't believe people would sink so low.

I'm so, so sorry you had to deal with that asshat, especially on a day where the sun had finally come out of hiding.

SusieO said...

I'm sorry I wasn't around to stand up for you but I will now. You are a great person, kind, considerate and thoughtful. You are also strong and funny and smart. I love this post and hope the troll nutbagger finds a real punching bag instead taking his hate out on nice people like you.

Maura said...

We've already talked about this so you know how I feel.

But I'm glad that you were able to write what you needed to in order to take back your own space.

While I was incredibly mad yesterday that this person upset you, I also feel sorry for anyone so small and jealous that they would write something like that to another human being.

You have us, he doesn't. We're so much richer because of that, in the ways that count, and he'll eventually be consumed by that jealousy.

ali said...

Good Girl mama...good girl.

anymommy said...

Love you. Well said, I'm glad you claimed your blog and your self as your own.

And, I am so so sorry for your pain, I continue to think about you every single day. It takes time, you are handling things beautifully.

AssHat Troll said...

Greg. He’s an asshat. …because you sound like an uneducated moron.

Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

I only responded to your friends who barraged me with obscenities first. Remember many made the comment that I was unoriginal and copied what they said.

Take some responsibility for your own actions and don't be a victim.

For me...I am sorry. I did not mean to truly throw salt into your wounds.

the asshat troll

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh no! I completely missed that... I just don't understand the hateful comments. What's the point? If you don't like what someone has to say, then move on. It's a big internet - there are plenty of sites out there to suit all of us.

I can't imagine why anyone would say such a thing to you. But I'm sorry. And while I'm really intrigued now and want to read the whole exchange. I'm glad you deleted the nasty comments. Just continue to do that - ignore him (it's a him?) - he's a waste of energy.

Schmutzie said...

You are being featured on Five Star Friday!

Becky said...

very very well said. and i'm sorry that someone attacked you that way yesterday. i didn't get to see what he/she said but it sucks.

Kari said...

Sometimes I just don't get's sad that someone would feel that it's ok to make hurtful comments.

I know you know this...but it bears respeating - we all LOVE you!

nic @mybottlesup said...

i didn't read this until just now... and it is really appropriate for me because i just recently endured my first asshat troll on my blog. and it's funny because my husband took more offense to the comment this person made than i did. he told me that i should delete the asshat's comment, and i refused to because i wanted to A) make the point that speech is free and B) let my readers know that there's an asshat (and instantly they took my back).

i hear you. i get what your saying. and some days my skin is tougher than others. but i'm sorry you had to go through that. because ugliness in any form is just nasty and wrong.

EatPlayLove said...

I agree. I am one of those people that doesn't feel malice towards others. If I don't like what someone says, I don't comment.

What bothers me most is that someone has to hide under the veil of anonymity, that makes me mad. You want to hate, then own it.

You handled it wonderfully, but i'm not surprised because I think you are wonderful!

Auds at Barking Mad said...

Beautifully and brilliantly written.

You said a great deal of things that a lot of us think but don't put out there for everyone else to read. For that, thank you so much.

I know first hand how badly words can hurt. I've spent the better part of the last 18 months dealing with a deepening depression because of some words that were spat at me, IRL. I think I might almost have rather been shot than deal with what I have been dealt.

Again, thanks for this.