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Sunday, July 5, 2009

Hi, I'm Issa. Wanna know how weird I am?

Undomestic Diva, Marinka and Anymommy have all posted in the last few weeks different versions of things we should know about them before BlogHer. Basically what I learned from their lists is, they are all way cooler than me. However, it has made me start to think about the things you should all possibly know about me.

Seeing as how I've already started having nightmares about BlogHer, I might as well get it all out in the open. Then at least you will all be pre-warned.

First of all, hi, I'm Issa. *waves* I know you all know that, but what people always ask is, how do I pronounce Issa. Well see my name is actually Melissa. Which I will totally answer too. So Issa is a nick name for Melissa, because my best friend James, couldn't say Melissa when we were toddlers. Issa is Melissa without the Mel. (Try and call me Mel and you die. Am not kidding. I don't find it funny and I DESPISE it. Try it more than once and I will most likely not speak to you any more.) There is no E sound in Issa. Basically think of it this way, it's Lissa without the L. Got it? Please, don't worry about screwing it up. Because honestly, I am probably going to look at you and go, and your Twitter/Blog Name is what again? Just ask, I promise I don't bite and I'll say Issa for you.

Now that we got that out of the way.....

1. I won't know any of you, unless you walk around with a picture of your Twitter avatar and your Twitter name attached to your head. Please help me out with your name, okay? I promise I want to meet everyone, so if you see me, hear my name, whatever, please come and say hi.

2. I am not a friendly person in the AM, until I've had coffee. I will make sure I find a Starbucks, this isn't a concern of mine. I can smell any Starbucks in a three mile radius. But you have been warned.

3. I do not drink much at all. I am a big talker when it comes to drinking. A glass of wine is more than enough for me. When I say I've had a lot to drink on twitter, it means I've had two glasses. However, once I've had a drink, I am much more calm in social situations. Like, hai, I can talk to you now. Cause I iz drunk.

4. My hair is not awesome, I may or may not re-color it before the conference, so you may see some grays. I don't have brand new clothes and my purse is four years old. But? I smell nice and my toes will be pretty. I'm just not that girly enough to worry about the rest of it. So rest assured, the rest of you who will be wearing tank tops and capri's, you will fit in with me.

5. I don't talk about politics or religion. It's not that I don't have opinions, because believe me I do. But I like to keep the peace, so I tend to steer very far away from these subjects.

6. I am not a huge talker until I feel comfortable around you and then I never shut up.

7. I truly am scared shit less about this Keynote thing. Even more so, since I realized they RECORD it. Like with a camera, so the whole world can see it later. I know some of you don't want to hear about it anymore. I got picked, you didn't. And for that, I'm sorry. But I is skerred. Unless Matthew really wears a G-String in the audience like he promised me on Saturday night, I may be nervous until the dam thing is over. Excited and honored, but nervous.

8. I don't like Peas. Or mushrooms. Or eggplant. Or curry.

9. I play confident on the Internet. I appear to be much more confident in real life than I really am. Much saner, much more easy going. This is a good thing in some ways and in other ways it is an albatross. Because when I come home and say, I was a complete spaz, I was scared of everything and I'm pretty sure I offended twelve people, you will all think I am insane. Issa appears saner in person than she really is. Maybe that should be my new tagline. If you don't believe me, ask Maura and Insta-mom. They've met me.

10. I say dude as often in real life as I type it. I say seriously more often than I type it. I possibly need to learn some new words.

11. I will yawn the whole time I am there. It's not you and let me apologize in advance for yawning mid-sentence. I don't sleep well in general and I won't sleep well there, because I won't be at home. It's just how it is.

12. I have a ton of people I want to meet. Some who I've "known" for years. I have no pre-conceived notions that I will get to do more than say hi to most of them. But I really hope I can say hi. I have tons of you who I want to hang out with. I hope to god I can remember who all of you are and that I don't hide in a closet for too long and we get to hang out. One thing I've seen from previous years is, BlogHer is what you make of it. I? Plan to have a blast.

To those of you not going, I know this gets tiring, hearing about BlogHer all the time. Trust me, I've been you. For years in fact, since the 2006 conference where everyone I knew went. Just remember in a few weeks it will all be over. Also, I will still adore you all after the conference. I promise. Also, I'll miss you all. Swearz.


Undomestic Diva said...

DUDE, we have a lot in common. Can't wait to party with you.

Amazing Greis said...

Dood, I say TOTALLY a lot. And dude and I'm sure there's a lot of other words I use too much, like Whatever and I'm just sayin'... LOL

They're my quirks, but they totally make me ME!

Can't wait to meet you in 2.5 weeks, eeeeeeeek!!!!!

I might have to do an All About Me post too. We shall see.

Amazing Greis said...

Oh, and you should have no problem recognizing me, since I look exactly like my Twitter avatar! LOL

Kate Coveny Hood said...

How about that - I've been pronouncing your name wrong all this time... Just in my head of course - but still!

Sorry Mel.

Anonymous said...

Maybe I should put my pic on my business cards? I am getting some. That might be a win, lol.

SO glad you explained the pronunciation. I would have screwed it up. Now I must condition myself to say it correctly. Unless of course I can call you Melissa? Yay? Nay?

Y'all can call me Cat. It's easier that way.

Anonymous said...

You are every bit as wonderful in real life as you are online, and I am horribly sad I won't be there to share you with the rest of the blogging world. Because, DUDE, you rock.

Childsplayx2 said...

Now I really go G-String shopping.

Becky said...

i remember that 06 year too because jennster went right before i got to her house and we looked at all the pictures together! i can' twait to hear about it and see all your pictures!

Bridget said...

I'm right there with ya...especially the mushroom part. Mushrooms are just gross.

I still don't know how to say your name right, but dude I'm gonna meet you so you can tell me then! yay!

My Bottle's Up! said...

you iz presh.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I get so scared when I see people's lists of who they want to see and I realize I don't know ANY of them. And then I think I won't know anyone, or I'll mix bloggers with similar names---like, "OH! I'm so happy to meet you! How is your leg?" "My leg, what do you mean?" "Oh wait, I thought you were . . .someone. . .else" (I slink away) Or, I'll just stand there and grin stupidly. Or, I'll drink to much and fall down. Or, I'll faint (I used to have an issue with public fainting).

But, I'm psyched to meet you! If I look like I'm about to faint, stick my head between my legs. I'll forgive you.

Anonymous said...

I wish I was able to go. I am glad the keynote thing will be recorded, because then I can watch you and see my friend live and in person.

Well, recorded and in person.

You know what I mean.

As much as I'd love to go somewhere like this, I'd have an awful time. I'd sleep horribly, I'm awkward and simply not good at social "things", and I'm never one of the popular girls and thus feel left out and even more awkward.

I think all of ya'll that are going are so cool, and so brave, and I'm totally jealous and totally relieved at the same time that I won't be there :-)

Kirsten said...

Dude. Seriously? I must have coffee in order to function properly around others too. We can hit Starbucks together in the am.

I am terrified that people will like the "blog" me better than the real life me. But whatever... we'll have a blast.

EatPlayLove said...

I'm always amazed when I meet people IRL, I just have their avatar photos stuck in my head, like little 1/2 inch images. Very bizarre.

Have a great time.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

WOW, you're a keynote speaker! Congrats to you. I hope you have a blast. And as for #5 and #6, ME TOO.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

PS I was totally pronouncing your name right in my head. :hairtoss:

anymommy said...

I am really, really truly looking forward to meeting you in person, quirks and all. I have plenty of my own. And, I fully plan/hope/expect for you to hold my hand so hopefully you'll be feeling confident and outgoing enough for both of us? Just kidding, I'll try not to to walk around wide eyed and mute.

OH and the keynote, I'm so proud/inspired by you and I really hope it isn't too much pressure and doesn't ruin your weekend. I'd feel awful. At least it's over early in the event, right?

Kari said...

I'll be the one getting drunk off two glasses of wine with you.

Can't wait to see you at BlogHer!

Kari said...

Oh, and now I'm cracking up thinking that maybe I should go to BlogHer carrying a big red heart in my hands!!! Ahahahaha!