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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Dear airport bitch,

Remember me? I was the one singing Van Morrison (quietly I might add) to my newborn son in the airport on Sunday. You must remember me. I was the one you were looking at like I was insane. Oh you remember now. Yeah that figures. You said to your friend/relative and I quote "That's not appropriate to sing to a baby." Really? Because lullabies are so f'ing great? Let's ignore your rudeness and bitchiness for just a second and talk about lullabies. The oh so appropriate lullabies people should, in your mind, be singing to their newborns.

Bah Bah Black Sheep....lets just sing about stealing from an innocent sheep. Plus, this is 2008. I live in a major metropolitan city. Sheep are something my son is likely to see three times in his childhood and always in a zoo. I doubt any of them will be black sheep. Plus, my son has no master and the boy in the song gets no wool. Why in the hell would I want to sing my son this screwed up song?

Ring around the rosie: Pocket full of posies, ashes ashes we all fall down. Oh yes, lets sing about the freaking plague. This is what I want Harrison to know about. Sweet dreams son.

Rock-a-bye Baby: Do we even need to discuss the baby in a tree song? Baby in a tree? Falling down, baby and all? Why don't we just call CPS and get it over with?

Babies don't care what we sing to them. They don't care if our voice creaks. They don't care if we make up words. Do you know that my daughter Morgan sings to Harrison all the time and he coos at her? When he's cranky and I'm trying to finish dinner or something, I send her to sing too him. She sings whatever song she has stuck in her head, the ABC's, or some silly made up song about Mama eating his cheeks. Last night she was singing her multiplication table to him. He just loved it. He could care less what it is, he just loves the way we sing to him.

Van Morrison, Days Like This? Is hands down a better song for my son to hear. I'd rather sing him anything besides kid music. You know why? Because my kids don't own that crap. They have never in their life owned a Raffi CD, or the Wiggles or even a Barney-Dora-Issa is poking her eyes out type of CD. Everyone who knows me, knows not to buy this stuff for my kids. I won't give it too them. I'd rather them sing the songs on the radio. I love that they know which Satellite radio station they want to listen too each time we get in the car. I'm rather proud of the variety of music my girls like. They request songs by artist and title. You haven't really lived until you've witnessed Bailey singing and dancing to Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's. You should watch my kids when Pink's, So What, comes on in the car. They go nuts, they love it. They are not being harmed in any way by not having a Raffi CD.

There are so many things I could say too you. So many horribly mean things I could put out for the world to know about you. I am very observant. I've thought about it for three long days. However, I'm a nicer person than you. I may judge people I see, but it's always in my own head. I don't judge people out loud in a crowed airport for the whole world to hear. If this had happened last year, I'd have likely snapped your head off and fed it to a shark. Just count yourself warned. Not everyone would have continued singing to their son and then walked away.

My son, is not being harmed by me singing whatever song I have in my head too him as a lullaby. In fact, I think he is perfectly content with anything I sing to him.

So eat that, Biotch in the airport.

Hugs and stuff,
Issa

11 comments:

alissasanderson said...

Nicky loves to sing "Bad Day" by Danial Powter. Drew's current favorite song is "Chicken Fried" by Zac Brown Band (so fun for kids so sing).

We don't own any children's music, either.

Jaden Paige said...

Van Morrison, a bad influence?!?! WTF. I am totally with you on this one... Some people need their head examined. *sigh*

iMommy said...

AMEN! It's the music and the attention and the soothing they love... and they will hear it anyway.

Childrens' music stinks :(

debra said...

It's amazing how many people think it's their right or duty or mission in life to tell others what to do, isn't it? I think I might have started singing "Back Off, B1tch" by Guns n Roses.

In a very calming, soothing tone, of course. :)

Mrs. Really Long Last Name said...

I have sang Brady Bunch to many many children.

SUEB0B said...

She would REALLY hate this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-u2FWUvYCY

Which I love.

Susan said...

We sing EVERYTHING and have dance parties to all. The more random, the better.

Lesley said...

OMG. At this point it's all about the sound of your voice and your closeness. And even if he could get all the words right now? STILL OMG SHADDDDDUP.

I like Debra's suggestion. Awesome.

wheelsonthebus said...

dude. i dance with my kids to gloria gaynor.

Insta-mom said...

We sing the pie song from Waitress or Louis Armstrong. No "lullabies" here either.

I danced at my wedding to Van Morrison (Someone Like You). She's lucky I wasn't there. I would have handed you my damaged baby and given her a piece of my mind in front of him.

Delusional Girl Ruby Soho said...

Yeah, baa baa black sheep's about the plague too.

We sing everything and I mean everything. We do have children's music but mainly because I love the Biscuit Brothers probably more than he does.

And my son's lullaby? Texas Our Texas, the state song. He knows every word.