Four

Today my lovely baby girl, you are four years old. Despite the fact that you are telling everyone that you are five, you are only four. Please don't try and speed it up, I'm not ready for that. In fact, if you wanted to stay three for a while, I wouldn't argue with you. It seems like just yesterday that I brought home the teeniest sweetest newborny. You were one of the easiest babies in the whole world. Which honestly, after your sister, was kind of a relief. Over the years you've remained a mostly easy, if not a bit stubborn, child. No clue where you get that from, none at all.

My love, this last year has been hard on you and lately we've seen how some of it is starting to affect you. You've regressed a bit lately, having accidents, being more emotional at silly things and having tantrums. Your dad gets a bit pissed when you do this, but I've told him to knock it off. Because truly, it's our fault. We can't be mad at you for something that we created. We're working on it though and I know it'll get easier for you. I promise, I'll make it easier for you to be you.

This year has seen some major changes in our life. This time last year, we moved out of LA. Your daddy got the job opportunity of his life, the chance to partner with some of his family and co-own a business and we decided to take it, even though it put us in the unknown. I never thought I'd leave LA, but it's kind of been nice. There's this crazy thing here, it's called peacefulness. You've grown kind of used to it. You and your sister miss the beach for sure, but you've gotten to kind of enjoy riding your bike outside, playing in the neighborhood with friends, even skiing last winter. Heck, in the five years we lived in our old house, we only knew two of the neighbors names; here we know them all. The new neighborhood we just moved into, even has neighborhood events. Things like block parties, parades and Christmas light challenges. Your daddy's looking forward to that last one. You got used to the move and the new way of life, way faster than your daddy and I did. Me, especially. I told you last night that this new house, the one we moved into last month is our forever home. You looked at me for a minute and then said, "ok, mommy, but you can't tell daddy that you want to go home anymore. This is our home now." You made me cry, although thankfully, I was able to wait until I left the room. I didn't realize you'd heard me say...ok scream that at your dad late at night, way too many times to mention. You say the most profound things sometimes and it shows me how you're growing up way too fast. I made a promise to you and I'll keep it, from here on out, this is the only home I'll say I want to be at. That's my real birthday promise to you.


Last month or the month before last you told your daddy not to be afraid of falling (he was about to attempt some stupid stunt on a skate ramp), you said that falling only hurts for a minute or two, but being afraid hurts much longer. These are the things that I want to remember about you, the insights and amazing things that you say. Yes, you're taking swim lessons right now and last week you did a real cartwheel and these are important events to remember as well, but the real important things for me are the small things that make you, you. The amazing little girl that I thank the world for every day.

In eight-ish weeks you are going to be a big sister. I know you're excited, but I also know that's the reason for some of the regression. Four years is a long time to be the baby...this I know to be true. We didn't intend to wait this long, but that's just the way life ended up. You love to tell people that you're going to be a big sister, then you show them how you'll hold and rock him. I know you'll be a great big sister. You also love to tell random people his name, which is kind of funny since you change it to suit your mood in the moment. Even funnier, is the fact that they honestly believe that I'd name your brother, Homer or Stewie, sometimes even Petra. Not sure that I like any of those names, but seeing how we don't have one for him yet, your guess is as good as mine.

You've been an only child for the past three weeks, as your sister went to hang out with Gran for a while. It was a good vacation for her and for you. You've gotten on each others nerves this summer, which means you're on my nerves and honestly my nerves can't handle it right now. Sending Morgan to Gran was one of the hardest things I've done in a while, but it seems to have been a good thing. We had to take you out of daycare two weeks ago, for reasons that had to do with another class and just having you here and not both of you has been good. If you'd both been here, mad at me for the past two weeks, I'd have sold you on eBay by now. I know you're still mad and that's okay, but we've had some serious fun. Plus, sissy will be back next Friday and then you'll go to real preschool three weeks after that.

You're daddy just called me to say that you told the checker at the store that you were six today. I'm telling you kid, you are four years old all year, no matter what you tell people. But it is freaking funny. It's like you're trying on different ages to see how they sound.

Even though you've gotten so big, you're still my baby girl. You always will be. I love that you love My Little Ponies and Littlest Pet Shops, as well as Transformers and Batman. I love that you demand to do things your way, but you still love to cuddle and let me tell you that you are my tiny newborn. I promise to still tell you that for years to come, even after your brother makes his way into this world. Because, my little chick pea, even though you are big and old, you are still and will always be, my tiny newborny.



Happy birthday Bay,
Love Mama