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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Friend's don't let friend's go to play dates

First off let me just say that if one of you lived here and we had a play date, I'm sure it would be fine.

I? Am not a play date type of a mom. I am spoiled. This is what comes from your best friends having kids at the same times as you. Built in best friends, second generation style. No need for silly things like random play dates with parents you don't know.

I should have known, should have remembered; that I'm not a play date person. I should have never said yes. This woman, whose demon spawn...I mean child, is in Baileys class, has been asking me to have a play date for a while. I don't hang out at the school much. I mean, I volunteer, but I don't spend the whole time my kid is in pre-school talking outside with the other mothers. Some of them do and that's fine, I'm just not one of them. Because when my girls are in school, I tend to have very important things to do. Like blogging.

So, this woman had been asking me for a play date and kept telling me that our girls play together so nicely, so I finally agreed. We went over to her house on Friday afternoon.

First, her demon child kept hitting my kid. Oh she had a cookie today, was the mom's response. Ok, because that is a great response to your kid whacking mine upside the head. Don't bother to stop her from doing it a few more times. A child who has had a cookie, can't ever be told to knock it off, I suppose.

Then she started talking, non-stop. The mom, not the kid. The kid is behind in speaking. Most likely because her mom talks incessantly. About absolutely nothing. No joke, she'd ask me a simple question; like, how old is your baby? Then she'd interrupt me two words in to tell me about some random story about her life. Because her kids were almost five months once and they... I don't know, ate a lot? Then it led to a story about when she was a baby and then about her mom's life. Also, every story somehow led to Scouts. I guess her son is in scouts. She must be the most annoying scout mom ever.

Small tangent here: I hate scouts. Every one of them, girl, boy, cub, whatever. What they stand for; their homophobic attitude; but mostly, I hate the cookies. I know, I may be the only person in the world who hates girl scout cookies, but I do. I despise that they are at every grocery store in the state right now, hawking those nasty cookies. Dude, if I wanted your cookies, I would have bought them from the 6 little girls in my neighborhood who each came by and rang my door bell early Sunday morning, for six weeks in a row. No, I don't want your dam cookies, now let me in the god dam store. End tangent.

So, I heard about the scouts. Then she went and on about her Unity church and how amazing it is. How rainbows shoot out of every ones asses after they go there. Then how she just can't believe we don't go to church. We don't go to church. Period. We don't belong to a religion. Period. And what the heck is a Unity church anyway? Wait, don't answer that. I don't care if I know. If I was planning on choosing a religion it would be one of the ones in my family.

I started getting desperate, so I sent out this Tweet from the bathroom:

Somebody save me. I am in playdate hell. Can one of you DM me and i dont know be in labor or have ebola? Something. Please Then nothing. Crickets. Chirp.

I waited, hoping someone would see it. But nope, nobody was on to see it. Then I sent a text to my BFF Kate, saying pretty much the same thing. She texted me back, I told you not to do play dates. You never listen.

Am looking for a new BFF by the way.

Eventually we left and as we did, Bailey says to me, Mommy why did we go there? I don't even like that girl.

Great kid, just great. You couldn't have told me that earlier? Play dates are not for the weak at heart and they are definitely not for me.


iMommy said...

Sweet, I'm the first commenter. I'd like to officially submit my application for BFF. I promise I won't let you go on any more play dates. For serious.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Rachel said...

The good thing is, when they get a little bigger, you start dropping them off for play dates and you get alone time. To blog. :)

Christy said...

A woman in my neigborhood recently asked me to come to a playdate at her house. Our babies are 5 and 6 months old. They will play what, exactly?

Jaden Paige said...


Thanks for the warning... note to self: Stay AWAY from the damned playdates!

Good for me, my brother-in-law and his wife live about 20 mins away. And we get along. And they have a son 2 days younger than Ills. So I guess that's the only friend she's having, other than daycare... for a while. lol.


PS: I saw your tweet, but it was much later. Sorry I couldn't have saved your ass! Woulda been fun to pretend I had ebola, too. Shoot.

Delusional Girl Ruby Soho said...

Next time, I'll totally save you. I'll have West Nile and you'll have the only cure. Or something.

We don't do play dates either. Well, there's this one kid, but he's the son of MY friend, so they hang out. But when they start hitting, Mama makes it stop. There are talks of a sleep over. I'm not ready for that.

MarvelousMOM said...

Sounds like a playdate from hell! Yikes. You poor thing!!!

Susan said...

I have escaped most play date experiences because I work full-time. I consider that a nice added benefit.

lol about the "mommy why did we go there?" comment

Maura said...

I think you should stick to play dates for your baby -- you know, you can be like those moms in the commercial who sit the infants down on the floor in their carriers and then eat chips and such.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

OK, first disclosure: we do playdates, I go to a church called "Unity" AND my girls are in scouts. ARGHH! I'm like an evil trifecta.

BUT, I was the first of my friends to have kids and HAD to get together with other moms in town, or I would've gone crazy (this was before I started blogging).

Um, regarding Unity---I like our church but it isn't for everyone. But, I like that you can believe anything you want and no one gets up in arms. Plus: no hell. Awesome.

Finally, my oldest is a Brownie for the 2nd year and I'm just about done with it all. WAY WAY WAY too much emphasis on those fucking cookies. I've heard the older girls are given 100 boxes and told they HAVE TO SELL THEM! WTF?!?! Puh-leez.

Hopefully, you'd still love me if we finally meet in person. Hey, I like to drink!

anymommy said...

That is a playdate gone wrong. I actually like playdates, but I've never done one like this, where I don't know the mom and like her already.

Soooo...I guess the truth is, I actually like hanging out with my friends with kids while our kids destroy each other's play rooms.

(And yes, I help clean up!)

katy (aka funny girl) said...

I know this was hell for you, but your post about it made me really happy. LOL!

EatPlayLove said...

I saw that tweet, which officially means I need your number. Come on we both live in the 303.

Smiles! I hate random playdates for all the reasons you just explained. Except my 5 year old is a Daisy Scout, so I don't hate GS. And I had cookies coming out my ass.

LadyCiani said...

Sorry I'm late to add, I too hate scouts. I hate that I have to run a gauntlet of little girls who have no understanding of why they are selling cookies, and that I don't know where the money is going but I'm sure it's not to local community service/outreach services. I'm convinced the cash goes to some giant corporation where I don't support their ideals.

I was in 4-H, and there are NO COOKIES. And no selling of any kind. It's so much better. More focused on what the child is learning about animal care and home-arts. Not animals like farm animals; household pets like dog care and "pocket pals" aka hamsters.