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Monday, October 13, 2008

Happy baby shower iMommy!!!

Some of us came up with this great idea to throw a surprise baby shower for Caitlin at iMommy. So hey, surprise iMommy. I mean, SURPRISE!!!!! HAPPY BABY SHOWER! Caitlin is due in like a month (or less) with her second baby and some of us wanted to offer our own brand of advice. Or assvice, as it is in my case. Basically she's getting the best the innerwebs can give her, without those lame ass baby shower games, like, "how fat is the mama now" and "don't say the word baby, or we shove a spork in your eye." All lovely games, which we won't be playing, in honor of Caitlin. See how much we really like you Caitlin?

Now all of you are very lucky, because if I wasn't posting this today, I'd be talking about THE VOMITTM, which took over my life this weekend. THE VOMITTM, which meant I spent all weekend cleaning up, doing laundry and listening to little girls whine in my ear about how they were tired of THE VOMITTM. Which, yeah duh, I was the one dealing with it all, I get how tiresome it can be. Now, I know how sad you all are going to be about not hearing about this. No worries my friends, I'm sure THE VOMITTM will be discussed at a later date. Because really, who doesn't like hearing about THE VOMITTM?

Moving on...

Four years and three months, that's how long I've been a mother of two. A mother, well I've felt that I was one since the second the little lines turned pink, over seven years ago. But a mother of two, well that was a different thing. At first I was scared, how could I ever deal with two Morgan's? Trust me people, you would have been scared too. But surprise, surprise, a second kid is their own person, with their own issues, likes and dislikes. I wasn't sure I could handle two kids, but somehow I figured it out. I wasn't sure I'd love a second kid as much as Morgan, but the second that little Bailey bear was handed to me, I knew it would work out. Your heart doesn't have to work any harder to love a second (or third) baby, somehow it just grows instantly. I can't explain it adequately. So Caitlin, instead of trying, I'll give you my assvice as it pertains to two childrens.

1. Life is not fair. You will never be able to make it fair to your two children, so don't even bother to try. Explain to them as soon as possible that life ain't fair, but you try and that's the best you can do. Here's the cool thing about this though: real life isn't fair either, so it's a good lesson for them to learn early.

2. They will have to learn to share. This starts with sharing you. They will survive. Honestly, they will. Your first child won't remember a time without the second. She will never remember not having to share.

3. They will fight. Learn to ignore it, unless there is hitting or bullying. I don't intervene unless there is gonna be blood or there is name calling. (I don't allow put downs in my house.) Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Whoever said this, was a freaking genius. I'll let you in on a little secret; when I stopped getting involved in the petty BS that the girls did, they learned to deal with each other.

4. They might be friends and they might not. You can't control it, you can only force them to be nice to each other and try and help them understand each other. When mine were little, we thought they'd never be friends, all they did was fight. When we let it go (about the time Bailey turned two) and learned to let them deal with each other, they became friends. Now they are best friends. Truly, they even sleep in the same bed most nights. If I am with just one of them and I buy them something, they always say, can I pick one out for sissy? Now I know you may end up with a teeny boy and that's okay too. It will be just fine. My brother Justin is one of my very best friends. I can't imagine my life without him. He says I would have been a very boring person without him and this very well may be true. My other brother and I don't get along, but he's a spastic idiot. You can't win them all.

5. Just love them both for who they are. You'll learn to parent each one as individuals, it will come in time. But if you just remember that your second baby is it's own person and take the time to get to know him or her as themselves, not as Boopies little sibling, you will be just fine. I know you will.

Lastly; don't believe those idiots who tell you a second child isn't worth the trouble. I can not imagine my life without Bailey, nor Harrison. My life would be a sadder, lamer, quieter place without them. It may not be as easy as it just was with one, but truly, the second time is easier, because you already know what too do. You know how to survive the baby stage. You know how quickly it goes by. How quickly they talk, walk and get into stuff. The thought of not having one of them, makes me want to cry right now. Yes, there would have been less of THE VOMITTM. But I'd never wish for less of THE VOMITTM, if it meant not having had any of them.

Ok, so this Issa Assvice lesson is over for the day. Enjoy your baby shower Caitlin, you deserve it. Now, get to hurrying along little baby, cause we want to see pics of you.

ps. I sent you something, you should get it today or tomorrow.

pps. Other advice is here: Psych Mamma; Is There Any Mommy Out There; For A Different Kind Of Girl; The Big Piece of Cake; Eat Play Love & Insta-Mom. If I left anybody out, let me know and I'll add you. **Addition: When She Wore Ponytails.

Hugs, Issa
Founder of THE VOMITTM


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said...

Issa -- THANK YOU! I've really enjoyed our email conversations of late, and this just proves it - you're a good friend, a great mom, a great person. Thank you so much for the advice...

I'm beginning, slowly, to realize that this little one won't be a carbon copy of Lizzie. I suppose it might even be easier if he/she was -- then I'd already know all the rules... but I'd never want to miss out on whatever little personality this one will have, and thank you for reminding me of that.

I'm saving all these posts, printing them, hanging them on my wall above the crib, I think, or maybe putting them into the baby book. They are wonderful. Thank you.

Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

this is totally relevant to me too! thank you so much:)

Kim @ said...

Oh goooodie! I can give assvice? I lovveesss to give assvice. Can I pleeaase? I wanna give assvice to the poor lady about to give birth that doesn't know me. Can I can I can I?

I'm totally going to. Hehehehe

anymommy said...

So true. My sisters and I were not friends as children, but now we are really close. You can't force it and you can't control it, but it's amazing how it changes over the years. Great post Issa!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Wow - this is advice that I can use! My kids are very small and we're only just getting into these issues. Thanks for organizing this!!

Trixie Twatwaffle said...

Love your advice....

More pictures???? Pelase?? Must see baby....

PsychMamma said...

Great advice! I've only got one, but you've still got some wisdom in there for me. I'm trying to make sure to teach J that life is not fair. Since she doesn't have a sibling, sometimes I just randomly take toys away from her for no reason to illustrate the point. (JUST KIDDING!!)

I also love your point of letting them fight it out whenever possible. I think that teaches some good skills and responsibility for their own actions.

Great post! Thanks for the shower idea too!

Anonymous said...

This is such a lovely post! Your children are lucky to have such a wonderful mommy.

Plus? I have never before so looked forward to vomit! Bring it on!

Manager Mom said...

What a great idea... and sound advice too. I am an only child and was completely unprepared for what the second would bring to my life but it's been an adventure every day.